At Wevorce, family is our focus every year, month and day. In December, when holiday celebrations with family take center stage, that focus is magnified. When you can find a way to allow family unity to take precedence over divorce actions, you’ll discover even more to celebrate.
Read our stories. They are yours and ours. Share them.
Michelle Crosby – Founder & CEO
THE ULTIMATE CHECKLIST
Our monthly feature focus from Wevorce’s valued Divorce Checklist highlights steps to take for informed divorce preparation. This month’s focus is:
Reimagining Spousal and Child Support
The problem with traditional spousal support is it keeps couples bound to the same financial dynamic that strained their relationship in the first place: one partner still has to keep tabs on the other’s spending and lifestyle habits. But there are creative solutions beyond forcing one partner to write a check. For example, you can transfer communal property to build assets, or support one partner’s career path. There are also cooperative and inclusive methods for child support. For example, having a children’s checkbook with agreed purchases, so both parents can participate equally in the child’s care. If you and your spouse are willing to work together, your Wevorce team can help find a creative solution.
DIVORCE ARCHETYPE™ PROFILE UNCOVERED
The Divorce Archetype™ profile reveals the DNA of a relationship. This is the science behind divorce, unique to Wevorce and drawn from 15+ years of research. This month’s focus is: Infidelity: The Path to Recovery
Collateral Damage: Guiding and Protecting Your Child Through the Minefield of Divorce
by Dr. John Chirban
50 Things to Do After a Breakup
as seen in Redbook
Rekindling JOY: Creating New Traditions for Happier Holidays
Each month we’ll offer access to inspiring stories from Wevorce-certified professionals. Their complimentary advice is yours, all yours.
Shifting the Holiday Focus: Looking Outside the Divorce Bubble ©
by Karen D. Sparks, CDFA™, J.D., Founder
Divorce Financial Strategists™ | Santa Clara, CA
There is an undeniable hole in the holiday season when the family unit is fractured by divorce and life begins to turn into an insular journey. However, it is important to recognize that your life has a broader purpose outside of the divorce scenario. Try to look up and look out. Reach up and reach out.
During the holiday season and at all times during the year, develop a unifying space in the family by creating a culture of service. When you instill an attitude of service within yourself and the family you are providing a permanent gift that keeps on giving. You are also demonstrating to children positive ways to channel energy during difficult times in life.
Here’s what’s going to happen: Space will open up in you mentally. In giving to others in need and becoming engrossed in someone else’s struggle, tragedy or life circumstance, you begin to focus on the unique gifts that you have to share and you think about individuals and situations in life differently.
If your child is good in a particular subject and one of their classmates is not, encourage your child to reach out and offer assistance. If you had a great team of divorce professionals assisting you and someone you know is now going through divorce, help them out with some reliable referrals. In addition to waving to your neighbor as you come in and out each day, make a point of really trying to speak with them and find out what’s going on in their world. Teach your children to give their gently used items that they have outgrown to charity. Help out at shelters or food kitchens that serve the homeless and disadvantaged population. Do these things from the heart all year long.
Look up and look out. Reach up and reach out. Step outside of yourself and see the joy of life that exists beyond divorce.
Christmas and Divorce
by Dr. Michael Rubino | Rubino Counseling Services | Pleasant Hill, CA
The holiday season is usually a difficult and stressful time for all families. Everyone’s trying to make plans, trying to see grandparents and other family members. It can be especially difficult for divorced families — after a divorce this time of year can become even more stressful.
One thing parents need to remember is they decided on the divorce, their children did not. I often hear arguments between parents who want “their time” or want to continue their family’s holiday traditions. They often ignore what their children want to do.
Many times a divorce may be finalized, but the parents continue fighting with each other. They use Christmas as a reason to continue to argue or try to hurt one another. What they don’t realize is they are hurting their children more than each other.
In my work with families who are divorced, I’ve given the following recommendations to parents. First, remember Christmas celebrations are often more about the children than the adults. Next, develop a plan together regarding the holidays. Talk together about what your children enjoy the most about Christmas, and ask your children what they enjoy most.
After you have this information, sit down civilly and see how you can allow your children to do what they enjoy most about Christmas. Come up with a plan for the children to have equal time with both parents, as well as, grandparents, cousins and other extended family from both Mom and Dad’s side. The children should not be forced to choose between Mom and Dad.
Another tip: Don’t turn Christmas into a competition. Gifts should not be used to influence the children. You should discuss with each other what your children want and what you plan to buy just as you did when you were married. After divorce, you can continue to co-parent and discuss what is realistic and what is not.
Finally, remember Christmas is a time to get together as a family and enjoy each other’s company. For the sake of your children, whenever possible put your divorce aside and decide how to share this time. If you can do things together, that is always the ideal situation. If you can’t, being kind to one another and making the holiday season fun for your children is the ultimate goal. Things may be done a little differently because of the divorce, but your children will still have one united family at Christmas.
Dr. Michael Rubino has worked with children, teenagers and divorce cases for over 19 years. For more information regarding Dr. Rubino, visit his website http://www.rcs-ca.com or Follow him on Twitter at Twitter.com/RubinoTherapy.
“Family is not an important thing, it’s everything.”
– Michael J. Fox
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Wevorce, Inc. | P.O. Box 6441 Boise, Idaho 83707 United States | 855.WEVORCE