Coping with The Recent School Shooting Threat in Our Area

Coping with The Recent School Shooting Threat in Our Area

Many children already experience anxiety about going to school or their safety in general due to the number of mass shootings. Until now most of these threats or shootings have not occurred in our area. However, this fact changed this past week. A student threatened to shoot students at Valhalla Middle School on the last day of school. The police were alerted to the threat and the student was arrested. The police searched his home and he had guns so he could have carried out his threat.

The school district and police did a good job of not publicizing the threat. The students who needed to be aware of the issue were warned and many schools added extra security measures for the last day of school. The good news is the police took action and prevented another mass school shooting. However, this incident brings this issue home. Before these incidents were occurring thousands of miles away. Now we had a real threat in our area.

Many children that I see for psychotherapy are already anxious and afraid that they will be shot at school or in a public place. I have children as young as 10 years old who carry knives with them where ever they go. When I ask them about why they need to carry weapons, they tell me for their protection. This current incident can exacerbate the anxiety and fears that children are feeling.

What can parents do? You can be there to reassure your child. If they mention the recent incident explain yes there was a threat, but the police were aware of it and took care of it and no one was hurt. You do not want to lie to them because that will increase their anxiety. It will also cause them to lose trust in you. They will hear about it from other children so being honest is the best solution. Also children’s imaginations are much more creative than reality. This is why it is important to tell them the truth.

Parents also need to watch their children for any significant personality changes. If your child is having difficulties sleeping or if they are reluctant to go play with friends or if you notice any significant mood changes. These are all indicators that your child may be having difficulties with anxiety or depression. If you notice any of these changes, schedule an appointment with a mental health clinician who specializes in treating children. You want someone who treats children because children often express anxiety and depression differently than adults. Therefore, if the therapist is use to treating mainly adults, the therapist may miss the warning signs in your child because they do not treat children on a regular basis. Also there is nothing to be ashamed of if you feel your child needs to be evaluated. Mental health issues are real and are not a sign of weakness or that someone is crazy. Mental health is part of a person’s over all health just like physical health. Also the sooner you address an issue, the easier it is to address the issue.

I have provided a couple things parents want to watch for in their children. I am also including a link to an article that discusses signs and symptoms that are more common in children and teens and not in adults https://www.psycom.net/hidden-signs-teen-anxiety/. This is a good list to help you determine if your child needs to be evaluated for anxiety or depression.

I understand that this is scary for parents too. Many parents may prefer to ignore the issue. However, this will not help our children and teenagers. This is the world they are going up in and as adults we need to do our best to prepare and protect them.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist who specializes in treating children and teenagers. He has over 20 years experience working with teenagers and also specializes in trauma and critical incident debriefings. For more information regarding Dr. Rubino’s work or private practice visit his web sites www.rcs-ca.com or www.RubinoCounseling.com or follow him on Twitter @RubinoTherapy.

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The Teenage Suicide Epidemic

The Teenage Suicide Epidemic

As a psychotherapist who treats teenagers, I work with many parents who are worried that their teenager is depressed and may be suicidal. Many parents worry because suicide is a mental health issue for children and teenagers that often is ignored. In fact, suicide is the third leading cause of death for children 10 to 18 years old. Also it is becoming very common in our society. This past week Kate Spade, a designer, and Anthony Bourdain, the chef from CNN, both committed suicide this week. Suicide is also common in soldiers who have been deployed over seas. Therefore, it is becoming common in our society, however, there are few resources available to people. Also the negative stigma associated with suicide prevents people and families from taking about the issue. I hope the information in this article helps you understand the issue of suicide. To start off with, I have included an article where six people describe their suicidal feelings and the help they need http://linkis.com/huffingtonpost.co.uk/AlJc2

http://linkis.com/huffingtonpost.co.uk/AlJc2.

In today’s society there has been a significant increase in depression, anxiety and suicide among teenagers and children. As I stated above, suicide is the third leading cause of death in children 10 to 18 years old. Yes 10 year old children are committing suicide daily. The increase is significant enough that Netflix is running a series about teenagers feeling suicidal. The show is called 13 reasons why. The suicide rate for teenagers has been increasing yearly. It is increasing faster in teenage girls and is considered an epidemic. It is estimated 800,000 people a year commit suicide and approximately 25 times that attempt suicide (CDC). Again, suicide remains the third leading cause of death for kids 10 to 18 years old and it rises every year and we are not providing resources (CDC).

In my practice I am seeing more and more children and teens reporting they feel depressed, anxious and overwhelmed. One of the main reasons I hear for these feelings is that children feel a great deal of pressure to succeed in school. I have kids in 5th grade and 6th grade worrying about grades. Not because their parents will get mad because if they don’t get As they wont get into a good college and won’t get a good job and won’t be able to afford a house. They only feel like a success if they can make a lot of money. They don’t even consider how compassionate and caring many of them are and the good they offer our world. In their eyes, compassion is nothing if you are not driving a Mercedes.

This is a great deal for a 5th grader or 6th grader to worry about at their age. It is also a terrible way for them to value theirselves. This is how we create Bullies because compassion is looked at as a weakness.

I also see middle school students and high school students involved in several sports and other activities such as Boy Scouts. The kids are feeling pressured to do extracurricular activities not for fun but for their resume. They are again concerned about getting into a good college and being a success. This pressure is not coming from parents either. It is pressure kids are now placing on themselves.

Recent studies are showing a correlation between lack of fun and time to relax with the increase in depression in children and teenagers. A study in Psychology Today discusses this issue. I have included the link so parents can read this study and think about it. Also so you can look at your children and talk with them. See if they are enjoying life or feeling overwhelmed because they need to succeed. Money pays the bills but doesn’t guarantee happiness https://www.psychologytoday.co.

Many parents are not sure what to look for and do not want to over react. If you notice these signs they are indicators that your teen may be feeling suicidal and needs to be assessed by a mental health clinician. The major warning signs are:

• Aggressive behavior

• Verbal outbursts

• Withdrawal from friends

• Writing or talking about suicide

• Dramatic mood swings

• Reckless behavior

• Refusal to engage in daily responsibilities

• Giving way personal items of worth such as jewelry or furniture

If you notice any of these signs don’t be afraid to ask your

teenager if they are feeling suicidal or thinking about suicide.

Many people have the misconception that if you ask someone

about suicide that you will cause them to think about suicide.

This is not true. By asking someone if they are feeling suicidal,

you are letting them that it is safe for to talk about their feelings,

including suicidal feeling. If someone is feeling suicidal it

is essential that they feel safe to talk about their feelings and

thoughts. Therefore, asking if your teen if they are feeling

suicidal will not hurt them, it can help them to talk and possibly

save their life.

I understand that the topic of suicide is scary and something our

society denies and views it as there is something wrong with

anyone feeling suicidal. But the truth is, it is a mental health

issue and it is nothing to be ashamed of. It is also an epidemic for

teenagers. If we want to prevent the number of suicides from

rising and help teenagers who are currently feeling suicidal,

we must talk openly about suicide and seek mental health care for

teenagers who are feeling suicidal.

Another factor related to this issue is family and friends. If someone commits suicide, family

and friends tend to feel guilty and ashamed. They blame themselves for the suicide and feel they

should have prevented it. However, if the person doesn’t express their feeling and there are few

resources, how do you prevent it? Also because of the huge negative stigma associated with

suicide, family and friends are embarrassed to talk about the death. As a result, many families

friends fail to get help after a suicide and their lives may be ruined for the rest of their lives. We

seldom consider the impact that suicide has on the family and friends. I have included a link to

an article which discusses the impact suicide has on family and friends

https://nypost.com/2018/06/06/after-kate-spades-death-think-of-the-survivors/. We need to

consider these issues and start to provide more resources for people feeling suicidal and family

and friends who survive a suicide.

Dr. Michael Rubino is an expert psychotherapist who works with children and teenagers for over 20 years. For more information about Dr. Rubino and his work visit his website www.RubinoCounseling.com, www.rcs-ca.com or follow him on Twitter @RubinoTherapy.

The Importance of Extended Family

The Importance of Extended Family

In our fast pace world and chaotic lives we sometimes forget the importance of passing on traditions from generation to generation. Another problem that impacts this is our society has become very mobile. We no longer live close to our relatives. It’s not uncommon for grandchildren to live in California and grandparents to live back east. Also with jobs becoming more difficult to find and the cost of living increasing families are moving where ever they can find a job or to a place to live that is affordable.

However, since many families are not living close to each other, family members cannot provide they support they could in the past, such as watching grandchildren after school. Additionally, children cannot as easily establish close relationships with grandparents and aunts and uncles, when they live close by. These adults could serve as additional role models and inform parents if something seemed off with the child. They are also able to spend additional time with the children and reinforce what parents are teaching their children and reinforce the family traditions and values.

The other thing that the close connection to generations provided was a sense of security. If there was a problem a child knew they could turn to their parents, aunts or uncles or cousins. It also helped a child’s self-esteem. You had the adults who could reinforce that you were worthy and you had cousins who would defend you at school or in the neighborhood because you were worth it. Also your older cousins could help you learn what to expect as you went from grade to grade. There was a sense of support and security that most children don’t have today. Furthermore, children with support from extended family members are less likely to get involved with drugs and alcohol.

The advancement in computers and communication may provide a way to try to recreate this sense of family. With such things as Skype, where you can talk and see the other person, it’s almost like being with the person, but it is not the same. Children can Skype with grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins too. We just have to make time for it. For those families that live close to each other, you need to remember the value of family and make time for family. At times it may be difficult, but you will find that the time and effort are worth it. I have found that children with close family ties and connections to their cultures do better in school and life. They have a sense of pride and a sense of where the came from that other children don’t.

I have attached a link to an article with a link to an article about sharing traditions with family. Check out this article from First 5 LA: http://www.first5la.org/index.php?r=site/article&id=3615&utm_content=buffere936a&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer.

I think you will find it interesting.

Dr Michael Rubino has been working with children/teens and their families for over 20 years and is well respected. For more information at Dr Rubino’s work or his private practice visit his website at http://www.rcs-ca.com.

Lessons Children Learn from Their Dads

Lessons Children Learn from Their Dads

We have all heard very often how important a mother is to a child especially a young child. While this is true Dads are just as important to children and young children. I say Dad because any man can father a child, but it takes work to be a Dad to a child.

Because of the stereotype we have about men in our culture, Dads are often not considered to be important in children’s lives. We tend to focus on mothers and what they provide children. Also because men tend to work a lot and have a tendency not to express emotions, many people assume Dads are usually not emotionally available to children.

However, if we look at the stereotype it also demonstrates why Dads are important. Dads are the male role models to their sons. Dads teach their sons how to treat women, their wives and their children. They teach their sons how a man is supposed to act in relationships and react to people in general.

Dads are also role models for their daughters. Their daughters see how their Dads treat their Moms. This is the first example girls have of how they should be treated in an intimate relationship. If their Dad is verbally and physically abusive, they will most likely expect their boyfriend or husband to treat them that way. Additionally, if girls are exposed to a Dad who is verbally, emotionally or physically abusive, they are more likely to have low self-esteem as adults and be bullied as a child. Boys also are more likely to suffer from low self-esteem and be bullies, if their Dad is verbally, emotionally or physically abusive.

Additionally, boys tend to look for validation from their Dads that they are doing a good job developing into an adult man. If their Dad is not emotionally available, many boys interpret this as they are a failure to their Dad and they become hurt and angry. Since men and boys tend to have difficulties expressing their emotions, because men don’t express sadness or similar emotions, they tend to express these emotions as anger. In other words, boys and men tend to project their pain onto others.

If we change our mind set and see how valuable a Dad is to kids then may be Dads can start meeting the emotional needs of their children and families. However, this requires men to stop living up to the stereotype society has about how men are supposed to act. Since men tend to focus on the stereotype about male behavior, they tend to pass this stereotype on to their sons.

I have a friend who was able to ignore the male stereotype and write a wonderful poem to his son. He wanted his son never to doubt how he felt about him and he wanted to make sure he shared it with his son. What a tremendous gift he gave to his son! Also what a fantastic role model he is being to his son about how to be a Dad.

I asked for his permission to print it here and he graciously said yes. I hope other Dads will read this and share a gift like this with their son or daughter. Also I hope it helps to eliminate the false stereotypes we have about Dads.

I never want this to go unsaid, about my son,

So here in this poem, for all to hear

There are no words to express how much you mean to me,

with a smile upon my face, and warm feelings in my heart, I must declare!

A son like you, always polite and full of joy,I thought could never be.

Since the day you were born, I just knew you were like a mini me,

from your first breath I knew,

God sent me a blessing- and that was you.

For this I thank him every day,

You are the true definition of a son, in every way.

Your kindness and caring with love for all,

you give my life meaning, for us to share.

Becoming your father has shown me a new sense of being.

I want you to know that you were the purpose of my life,

Turning everything I ‘am – into a happy place.

Always remember that I know how much you care,

I can tell by the bond that we share.

For a son like you there could be no other,

And whether we are together or apart,

Please do not ever forget-

You will always have a piece of my heart.

This is a fantastic example of a Dad!

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with 20 years experience working with children & teens. He is an expert in this area of treatment. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.rcs-ca.com or follow him on Twitter @RubinoTherapy.