Month: April 2020

Teenage Boys and Porn Addiction

Teenage Boys and Porn Addiction

I have wrote previous articles about the old stereotype regarding what it takes to “be a man” and how this stereotype negatively affects teenage boys. This stereotype typically leads young men to become sexually active in middle school, according to the current research data, and it also leads to a sense of isolation. Teenage boys have been lead to believe they should be prepared to handle life like a grown man. However, they are not fully mature nor are they prepared to handle everything on the own. However, due to the stereotype they feel they cannot ask for help or share their concerns with their friends. Hence they feel isolated, alone and like failures at the age of 16 years old.

This article is going a step further and discussing the epidemic of addiction to porn that many teenage boys and men are dealing with today. In our society sex is a tabooed subject. It is unusual if anyone sits down with a teenage boy and discusses sex. They typically learn by talking to friends, having sex or the most common way pornography. However, no one discusses how to treat a sexual partner, diseases you can catch and the importance of mutual consent.

Many parents may feel this issue doesn’t apply to their son. However, with the internet being available on laptops, game centers and phones most people stumble on to pornography by accident and very easily. Look online for yourself. It is very easy to access pornography in today’s world. Most research studies indicate that most boys have been exposed to pornography between the ages of 8 years old and 10 years old. Their young minds are not prepared to process what they are seeing nor are they prepared for the feeling they experience and how their bodies respond to what they are seeing. They continue to watch and to go back to the sites over and over and many become addicted. Even though pornography addiction is not a formal psychiatric diagnosis yet, most research studies have concluded that the number of teenage boys visiting porn sites at least once a day has reached epidemic rates. Some teenage boys have self reported going to porn sites five to 10 times a day. Therefore, while the DSM V does not list porn addiction as a formal diagnosis, many researchers and clinicians believe that people especially teenage boys can become addicted to pornography.

Lisa Ling did an episode about porn addiction in her series This is Life. I have included the YouTube link here to the episode. YouTube does charge $1.99 to watch the episode but if you have teenage boys it is well worth the cost. She was able to talk to men in their thirties, homosexual men and an 18 year old high school senior who openly discussed their struggles with pornography and masturbation. They all explain how easy it was to become addicted but how difficult it is to stop. Some men had been trying for years to stop using pornography and still can’t succeed. Here is the link https://youtu.be/UqoCg9Srs18.

Additionally, these men and teenager discussed how pornography has negatively impacted their lives. Besides the guilt and shame they felt about their addiction, they reported difficulties with obtaining and maintaining an erection. Many also reported a decreased interest in having sex. They no longer felt interested in women sexually. They stated they were sexually interested in pornography only. One man stated the only way he could have sex with a woman was to fantasy about porn. Many of you may think these issues primarily pertained to the men in their thirties or 40s. Well these issues impacted the entire group even the 18 year old high school senior. The 18 year old high school senior reported he was only able to get an erection if he was watching pornography. He also stated he no longer was finding girls his age sexually attractive. He stated he found he was more attracted to pornography and despite his desire to stop he was not able to stop watching pornography.

Overall most of the men reported feeling isolated and lonely due to pornography. They felt embarrassed to tell their families or to seek help. Even if they wanted help, they did not know where to go to get help. The man who arranged this group that Lisa interviewed started a website NoFab. It is an online support group helping men over come their addiction to pornography and masturbation. When I say men, most guys on the site are between 18 and 24 years old. This site found that teens between the ages of 13 and 16 are at the greatest risk for becoming addicted to pornography. Most likely because at that age a boys hormones are out of control and they have little to no sexual experience. So unfortunately what they learn about sex comes from pornography a fantasy world.

This subject also pertains to teenage boys during the quarantine. How many teenage boys are spending more time in their bedrooms on their laptops and smartphones. How many are bored of being in the house and looking for something new. Well pornography is new and can eliminate being bored. We have no idea how many teenage boys may be starting their pornography addiction during the quarantine.

Father’s if you noticed changes in your teenage son in the past and you think it may be related to pornography or if he is spending a lot more time in his room since the quarantine then talk to him about pornography. However, do so calmly and gently. Remember how you felt at his age and if the subject of sex came up. You don’t want to embarrass him or make him feel his sexual feeling are wrong or perverted. Explain that pornography is a fantasy and not reality. It is adult entertainment not entertainment for teenagers. Also explain how it can give a boy the wrong idea about how to treat a woman or what she really wants. Basically, do not be afraid to have an open, frank discussion about sex and pornography. Also don’t be afraid to ask if they feel they are having problems with pornography. Reassure them if they are, you will not get mad and you will help them find help for the issue. Remember don’t shame them. Be there as their father to eliminate the lonely, isolated feeling and help them on the road to recovery. Also tell them how proud you are that they were brave enough to speak up and ask for help.

If your teenager needs help look for a psychotherapist who specializes in teenagers, addiction issues and sexual issues. Pornography addiction is not like being an alcoholic. A person can stop drinking alcohol, however, they cannot stop having sexual feelings. Sexual feelings are part of being human so they have to learn a new way to relate to their sexual feelings.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information about his work and private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Teenagers reactions to being quarantined

Teenagers reactions to being quarantined

The Coronavirus and quarantine are difficult on everyone and are scaring a lot of people. Besides learning how the virus works and is spread, we have learned that it impacts people’s mental health and so does the quarantine. The quarantine has exacerbated symptoms in people dealing with various mental health issues and has made many people depressed or anxious who are under quarantine. When you think about the situation, it is no big surprise that people are becoming depressed or anxious. However, one age group is at a higher risk for mental health issues due to the quarantine and that group are teenagers.

Teenagers are use to feeling in control of the environment. When they do not feel in control it can cause mental health issues. The quarantine is taking away their sense of control. Furthermore, we have no specific answers to give teenagers. This creates anxiety and exacerbates anxiety in teenagers who already suffer from anxiety. At this age teenagers have a very difficult time tolerating uncertainty. Remember, the prefrontal cortex of the brain which is responsible for reasoning skills is not fully developed in teenagers yet. Therefore, they are more likely to act impulsively rather than try to reason out a healthy way for them to tolerate what they are feeling.

Before the virus, depression, anxiety, cutting, vaping and suicide were at epidemic rates for children 10 years old to 18 years old. Since the quarantine, the rates have naturally increased. Every teen I deal with is feeling helpless, depressed and anxious. They are asking for answers when they can resume their normal lives. They are even asking when they can return to school. This is not a question you expect from most kids or teenagers. Usually, they want to know when the next school holiday is going to occur. By asking to return to school this is a definite indication that children and teenagers are desperate to resume their normal lives.

Since they cannot resume their normal lives this is putting teenagers who have mental health issues and other teenagers at engaging in risky behavior so they feel in control and normal. One behavior to watch for is cutting. This is when a teenager uses a knife, scissors, paperclips or even erasers to cut or scratch themselves. The wrist is a typical place to cut but teens also cut their stomachs, legs and inside of their thighs. These areas are less noticeable. If your teenager is spending a great deal of time in their room and you are noticing attitude changes and evasive answers about what they are doing, they may be cutting.

Another behavior they may be resorting to is vaping. This is particularly dangerous because their is a pneumonia which is attacking kids who are vaping and we don’t have a cure for it yet. The virus also attacks the lungs. Therefore, if a teenager is vaping and develops the pneumonia associated with vaping and contract the virus, the combination most likely would be deadly. Again teenagers spending a great deal of time in there rooms with the window slightly open could be a sign of vaping.

Another possible issue is the common one of drinking alcohol. They may have a stash in their room or they may be stealing it from the house. Most parents should be able to spot the signs of a teenager who has had too much to drink.

Finally, any teenager who has mental health issues could be regressing to old behaviors. Therefore, they may becoming suicidal or those with eating disorders could be purging again. If your teen has regressed or has developed new behaviors, approach them with an empathetic mood. They are regressing because they are afraid and feel out of control. If you make them feel guilty, they will regress more. At this time they need your support and to feel that someone is in control of the situation.

These are a few examples of how the virus and quarantine can impact children and teenagers at this time. We know the quarantine can exacerbate existing issues or create new ones. Also for those who do contract the virus research is showing there is a mental health component. Bottom line, if you feel your child or teenager has regressed to old behaviors or they have developed new behaviors seek professional help immediately. Some psychotherapy offices are open for sessions in the office or many therapists are doing video sessions. Research is showing that video sessions are effective and if your teenager is cutting you cannot wait until the quarantine is lifted. Interview the therapist throughly but get your teenager into therapy as soon as you can.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children, teenagers and victims of trauma such as rape or earthquakes. For more information regarding Dr. Rubino please visit his website www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Coping with Mental Health Issues Created by the Coronavirus

Coping with Mental Health Issues Created by the Coronavirus

The fear of contracting the coronavirus and the fear of the unknown consequences if you do contract the virus is placing many people under a great deal of stress. In addition to the fear of contracting the virus, many worry about transmitting the virus to family members over 65 or family members who have preexisting medical conditions. Adding to this stress is the fact that you may have the virus and not have any symptoms. Therefore, you may have the virus, feel fine and be transmitting the virus to numerous people because you are unaware that you have the virus. Normally, people could be tested to find out if they have a virus or medical condition that is contagious. However, in the situation we are currently in, we do not have the option of getting tested for the virus. Therefore, you have to live with the uncertainty.

Besides the worry and stress about contracting the coronavirus, we also must deal with the quarantine. Our everyday lives have been turned upside down. Many of us are not able to see loved ones and friends like we usually would do. Furthermore, many people cannot work and are worrying about how they are going to pay their bills and buy food. This is another stressor for us and that is food. Many of us are going to grocery stores finding the shelves empty. People are hoarding food even toilet paper because they are afraid stores may close or stores will not be able to get merchandise anymore. Finally, being stuck living with the same people day after day without a break from each other causes stress and arguments.

The Mayo Clinic has been studying the impact that the virus and quarantine have on us and our mental health. Here is what they found:

Stress is a normal psychological and physical reaction to the demands of life. Everyone reacts differently to difficult situations, and it’s normal to feel stress and worry during a crisis. But multiple challenges daily, such as the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic, can push you beyond your ability to cope.

Many people may have mental health concerns, such as symptoms of anxiety and depression during this time. And feelings may change over time.

Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling helpless, sad, angry, irritable, hopeless, anxious or afraid. You may have trouble concentrating on typical tasks, changes in appetite, body aches and pains, or difficulty sleeping or you may struggle to face routine chores.

When these signs and symptoms last for several days in a row, make you miserable and cause problems in your daily life so that you find it hard to carry out normal responsibilities, it’s time to ask for help.

Get help when you need it

Hoping mental health problems such as anxiety or depression will go away on their own can lead to worsening symptoms. If you have concerns or if you experience worsening of mental health symptoms, ask for help when you need it, and be upfront about how you’re doing. To get help you may want to:

• Call or use social media to contact a close friend or loved one — even though it may be hard to talk about your feelings.

• Contact a minister, spiritual leader or someone in your faith community.

• Contact your employee assistance program, if your employer has one, and get counseling or ask for a referral to a mental health professional.

• Call your primary care provider or mental health professional to ask about appointment options to talk about your anxiety or depression and get advice and guidance. Some may provide the option of phone, video or online appointments.

• Contact organizations such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) or the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for help and guidance.

If you’re feeling suicidal or thinking of hurting yourself, seek help. Contact your primary care provider or a mental health professional. Or call a suicide hotline. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) or use its webchat at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat.

Continue your self-care strategies

You can expect your current strong feelings to fade when the pandemic is over, but stress won’t disappear from your life when the health crisis of COVID-19 ends. Continue these self-care practices to take care of your mental health and increase your ability to cope with life’s ongoing challenges.

In addition to the facts above, people who have the virus have been reporting feeling anxious and depressed. They have also reported the virus has impaired their ability to make decisions. The bottom line the virus is creating mental health issues for those dealing with the quarantine, first responders, medical personnel and people with the virus. We are focusing on getting the virus under control which we must do. However, after we get control of the virus, we will need to address the mental health issues created by this pandemic. At this point, we have no idea how many will need mental health care and for how long. Therefore, as we focus on finding a cure, we may want to start to prepare for the mental health issues which will occur after the quarantine.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating trauma victims and teenagers. For more information about his work or his private practice visit his website www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Coping with Mental Health Issues Created by the Coronavirus

Coping with Mental Health Issues Created by the Coronavirus

The fear of contracting the coronavirus and the fear of the unknown consequences if you do contract the virus is placing many people under a great deal of stress. In addition to the fear of contracting the virus, many worry about transmitting the virus to family members over 65 or family members who have preexisting medical conditions. Adding to this stress is the fact that you may have the virus and not have any symptoms. Therefore, you may have the virus, feel fine and be transmitting the virus to numerous people because you are unaware that you have the virus. Normally, people could be tested to find out if they have a virus or medical condition that is contagious. However, in the situation we are currently in, we do not have the option of getting tested for the virus. Therefore, you have to live with the uncertainty.

Besides the worry and stress about contracting the coronavirus, we also must deal with the quarantine. Our everyday lives have been turned upside down. Many of us are not able to see loved ones and friends like we usually would do. Furthermore, many people cannot work and are worrying about how they are going to pay their bills and buy food. This is another stressor for us and that is food. Many of us are going to grocery stores finding the shelves empty. People are hoarding food even toilet paper because they are afraid stores may close or stores will not be able to get merchandise anymore. Finally, being stuck living with the same people day after day without a break from each other causes stress and arguments.

The Mayo Clinic has been studying the impact that the virus and quarantine have on us and our mental health. Here is what they found:

Stress is a normal psychological and physical reaction to the demands of life. Everyone reacts differently to difficult situations, and it’s normal to feel stress and worry during a crisis. But multiple challenges daily, such as the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic, can push you beyond your ability to cope.

Many people may have mental health concerns, such as symptoms of anxiety and depression during this time. And feelings may change over time.

Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling helpless, sad, angry, irritable, hopeless, anxious or afraid. You may have trouble concentrating on typical tasks, changes in appetite, body aches and pains, or difficulty sleeping or you may struggle to face routine chores.

When these signs and symptoms last for several days in a row, make you miserable and cause problems in your daily life so that you find it hard to carry out normal responsibilities, it’s time to ask for help.

Get help when you need it

Hoping mental health problems such as anxiety or depression will go away on their own can lead to worsening symptoms. If you have concerns or if you experience worsening of mental health symptoms, ask for help when you need it, and be upfront about how you’re doing. To get help you may want to:

• Call or use social media to contact a close friend or loved one — even though it may be hard to talk about your feelings.

• Contact a minister, spiritual leader or someone in your faith community.

• Contact your employee assistance program, if your employer has one, and get counseling or ask for a referral to a mental health professional.

• Call your primary care provider or mental health professional to ask about appointment options to talk about your anxiety or depression and get advice and guidance. Some may provide the option of phone, video or online appointments.

• Contact organizations such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) or the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for help and guidance.

If you’re feeling suicidal or thinking of hurting yourself, seek help. Contact your primary care provider or a mental health professional. Or call a suicide hotline. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) or use its webchat at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat.

Continue your self-care strategies

You can expect your current strong feelings to fade when the pandemic is over, but stress won’t disappear from your life when the health crisis of COVID-19 ends. Continue these self-care practices to take care of your mental health and increase your ability to cope with life’s ongoing challenges.

In addition to the facts above, people who have the virus have been reporting feeling anxious and depressed. They have also reported the virus has impaired their ability to make decisions. The bottom line the virus is creating mental health issues for those dealing with the quarantine, first responders, medical personnel and people with the virus. We are focusing on getting the virus under control which we must do. However, after we get control of the virus, we will need to address the mental health issues created by this pandemic. At this point, we have no idea how many will need mental health care and for how long. Therefore, as we focus on finding a cure, we may want to start to prepare for the mental health issues which will occur after the quarantine.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating trauma victims and teenagers. For more information about his work or his private practice visit his website www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Guns Will Not Cure the Coronavirus

Guns Will Not Cure the Coronavirus

Being under quarantine can be a very stressful and scary situation. It has changed all of our daily routines plus we have no idea how long the quarantine will last and how many people will become sick or die. The last time our country experienced anything similar to this was the Spanish flu in 1918. Therefore, no one has any experience with a pandemic since the last one was in 1918 and most of us were not a live at that time.

As a result, of fear and no one being able to answer how long this will continue, people are hoarding. If you go to the grocery store bleach, Kleenex and toilet paper cannot be kept on the shelves. Stores are having to limit how many bottles of bleach or packages of toilet paper people can buy at one time. This hoarding will not stop you from getting the coronavirus, but it does add to the hysteria. People watch the news and see the empty shelves so when they go to the store they also start hoarding. They are afraid with all the empty shelves that they may not be able to buy what they need in the future. Additional hysteria is not what we need right now.

This hysteria is increasing anxiety in children too. They see the news and hear people talking about not being able to buy toilet paper in addition to hearing this week that all schools are closed for the year and this makes them anxious. I hear about this anxiety in their sessions. Additionally, they tell me they are afraid that people will break into their homes to steal toilet paper. I have been telling them they do not need to worry about such things and the situation is not that bad. However, I can no longer say this to the children.

Today it was reported that since the quarantine has started there has been a significant increase in gun sales. Stores that sell guns are reporting it has been a long time since so many people have been coming in and buying guns. Children hear this and their fears about someone breaking into their homes seem possible.

This is a scary and anxious time for everyone. We do not need to add to the anxiety or hysteria regarding the coronavirus. The virus is a medical condition and will require medicine or medical treatments to cure it. A gun will not cure the virus, but guns will add to the hysteria about the virus and possible other unfortunate situations.

During times such as the quarantine, depression, anxiety and incidents of domestic violence do increase and this increase has been documented by research studies and the CDC. Therefore, guns around the house during quarantine can increase the odds of a suicide attempt, someone being shot accidentally or even someone being killed by a gun shot. Therefore, while being quarantined does provoke anxiety and is scary because we do not know exactly what is happening, we do not want to add to the anxiety. Therefore, before you buy a gun, stop and think. Will it help end the quarantine? No. Is a role of toilet paper worth taking the risk of someone attempting suicide or being killed by accident? No. What will the gun do? It will add to the anxiety and fear people are experiencing especially children. Therefore, its probably better not to buy the gun and look around your community and look at how you can help at this time. Maybe helping an older neighbor who needs help shopping or carrying grocery items into their house. This would be a better use of your time than buying a gun. Finally, we do not need a mass shooting incident while everyone is being quarantined. You never know what will happen when a gun is around.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience and specializes in treating children, teenagers and dealing with trauma incidents. For more information about Dr. Rubino’s work or private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.