Do We Value Children’s Lives or Guns?

Do We Value Children’s Lives or Guns?

During 2020, we heard very little about mass shootings and shootings at schools because of the Coronavirus Pandemic. Due to the quarantine rules, most people stayed at home and we did not hear about mass shootings. Instead we heard about how many people were contracting the Coronavirus and dying from it. We were hearing about how many families were being destroyed by the Coronavirus forever. Therefore, we were not paying attention to the issue of mass shootints. Instead we were worrying about how we were going to survive the Coronavirus pandemic, when former President Trump was choosing to ignore it.

Now we are starting to gain control over the Coronavirus and starting to open the country. As we do start to open the Country up, the issue of mass shootings are becoming an issue again. I have written many articles about mass shootings. In November of 2019, I wrote my last article about mass shootings and I was hoping and praying it was my last. However, my hopes and prayers were not answered in the way I had hoped they would be answered. Looking back to November of 2019, as of July 31, 2019, there were 248 mass shootings, 246 people killed and 979 injured. Given the number of shootings in 2019, it averaged out to a mass shooting every 1.2. days. Those statistics were valid until July 31st. However in November 2019, there were three more shootings in California, Texas and Ohio. Therefore, there were 250 mass shootings in 2019.

Since we have reopened the Country, there have been 126 mass shootings, 148 people killed, 481 people injured for a total of 629 victims so far in 2021 (CDC). The first mass shooting was in March of this year in Atlanta. It’s a month later and we already have 126 mass shootings for 2021. Our US Capital has been attacked twice in 2021 and with all this violence the republicans in the Senate refuse to vote for safe and sane gun laws. What are we doing in the United States?

Let’s look back at the history of the mass shooting issue. As of November 15, 2019, which was the 319th day of the year there had been 336 mass shootings. The statistics for 2019 list 1347 killed in 2019 in mass shooting and 1,684 people injured. These statistics don’t account for how many families have been changed forever and how many first responders will be dealing with trauma reactions. Why did we allow the issue to get that big? When will we take action?

Initially after the first mass shootings, the former President said we would definitely be taking action and there would be universal background checks. He then made a public statement from the Oval Office that there would be no universal background checks. The former President stated the background checks we currently have are enough to keep us safe. He also publicly stated that the people who helped him win the election would not be happy with universal background checks. He had been speaking to the chairman of the NRA that day. Therefore it appeared the money the NRA donates to republican campaigns is more important than the children of the United States.

Another sad fact about the history of mass shootings is that the House of Representatives passed several sane gun laws. For months Mitch McConnell, the leader of the Senate, had held these bills on his desk just letting them sit so the Senate could not vote on them. Children and teenagers were being killed daily and a possible solution was sitting on Senator McConnell’s desk and he refuses to allow the Senate to debate and vote on the gun laws. His excuse was he was waiting for permission from former President Trump.

The former President initially said he would support sane gun laws and then he is tried to say it simply was a mental health issue. By doing so he did not help the issue and he reinforced the negative stigma about mental health in our country. When he referred to mental health issues, he called the people “sick” and stated that they needed to be locked up. The research clearly shows that people with mental health issues pose a danger to themselves by cutting or committing suicide. The research clearly shows that people with mental health issues are rarely dangerous to society. The Director of the American Psychiatric Association issued a statement stating the same information.

Mental health is not an issue causing mass shootings, hate is the issue. In fact the FBI was able to arrest three men planing mass shootings. One of the men arrested issued a statement that he was planing the shooting because he hated anyone who was not white. He was also at the Charlottesville protest and stated to a reporter he believed in only a nation for white people and was advocating killing anyone who was Jewish. This man was not being labeled as mental ill. He was being charged with charges related to a Hate crime. Again in order to be charged with a Hate crime you must be attacking someone because you hate them due to their ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation etc. The Klu Klux Klan has held rallies and have been accused of killing people for years, but no one in the group is labeled mentally ill. The KKK is labeled as a hate group.

So when I have children coming into my office saying they are afraid of being killed at school and the mass shooter drills scare them, what do I say to them? How can I say we are doing everything we can to protect them, when our government is not doing anything. How can I say don’t worry when mass shooting are reoccurring and more students are being killed at schools? Children have easy access to the news via their smartphones and the internet. They are aware of what is occurring and who is being honest with them or lying to them. For therapy to work, the children need to trust me. If I lie, they will not trust me. Again, with the statistics I cited for this year alone, how can I tell a child there is nothing to worry about.

The other issue is how do parents get children and teenagers to come to a psychotherapist’s office. The former President has been on national television stating and he continues to state in his speeches that all mass shooting is due to mental illness. He refers to the people as “sick puppies” and that they need to be “locked up in asylums.” He continues to reinforce the negative stereotype regarding psychotherapy. Therefore, teenagers and children will be worried that their parents are taking them to my office to be locked up. Many teenagers need psychotherapy for mental health issues such as depression. According to the CDC, one out of five children need psychotherapy. Anxiety disorders and depression have increased significantly since the Pandemic. Cutting is an epidemic in teenagers and children too. I have children as young as 10 who self- mutilate. Also suicide was the third leading cause of death for kids 10 to 18 years old. In the last few months, the CDC changed suicide from the third leading cause of death to the second leading cause of death. There are many children who need psychotherapy, but will be afraid of being locked up and will fight their parents about going to therapy.

Also what about the people who experienced a mass shooting, their family and friends and the first responders, their lives have been changed for ever. They are going to need years of psychotherapy to cope with their PTSD. However, besides be labeled as a victim, they are not going to want to be looked at as a “sick puppy” because they need therapy. This is what they will think and feel because of how the former President and Republican Senators have responded to mass shootings. We already have survivors of mass shootings and family members committing suicide because they cannot stand the pain. We have seen the same thing from veterans committing suicide because they did not have access or were embarrassed to seek psychotherapy. When will we learn? When will we stop demonizing mental health?

Since it appears the former President refused to act, we need to learn from the high school students from the Parkland, Florida shooting and take action ourselves. Remember by acting you may be saving the life of your child or a loved one. Call the Senators for your state and demand sane gun laws and if they are too afraid of the NRA, you will vote against them in the next election.

Some people will say I have no right to be writing this article. However, I see and hear the kids crying daily because they are afraid of being killed or their parents being killed. I also am trained in Critical Indent Debriefing and trauma therapy. I am tired of hearing how the first responders lives are being changed and the night terrors they experience. I am not afraid of the NRA. We have a huge problem with hate and race in our Nation that must be addressed. Also we also do not have adequate mental health services in our Nation. This is why the suicide rate went from the 3rd leading cause of death to the second leading cause of death for kids. Mental health issues is not causing the mass shootings! If it was we would have had the problem in the 1970s and 1980s, but we didn’t.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over twenty years experience treating children and teenagers. He is also trained to treat victims of trauma and to do Critical Incident Debriefing. For more information regarding Dr. Rubino visit his website http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3

Autistic Teenagers and Sexuality

Autistic Teenagers and Sexuality

Autistic teenagers have sexual feelings and it’s important to acknowledge these feelings & explain these feelings. Sex is a normal part of life so why shouldn’t they have sexual feelings too. Autistic Kids Need to Know About Sexuality | Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/everyday-neurodiversity/202104/why-autistic-kids-need-know-about-sexuality

Do Children Need to Learn that Violence and Death are Now Normal in the United States?

Do Children Need to Learn that Violence and Death are Now Normal in the United States?

When will we learn that we need sane and safe gun laws? People must take a test in order to get a driver’s license and you must wear a seatbelt in a car. The government has not stopped people from driving or eliminated cars due to these laws that make driving safer. Therefore, if we have laws regarding driving and alcohol, how would safe and sane gun laws pose a threat to guns? We have safety laws regarding numerous activities and people still enjoy them and own things. Again, if we can do this with other aspects of our society, why can’t we implement safe and sane gun laws? Or are we ready to accept mass shootings as a normal every day event?

Due to the Coronavirus pandemic and the country being on lock down, the mass shooting significantly dropped. In fact there were no mass shooting in the United States after April 2020. However, mass shootings have been occurring in the United States since 1999. According to the CDC mass shooting have been increasing every year from 2010 to 2019. In fact, in 2019 there was a mass shooting every 1.2 days. There were so many we started to become numb to the news when a shooting occurred.

Since the last shootings occurred in 2019, many people thought maybe mass shooting were no longer an issue. However, now that we have started to reopen the country, mass shootings have returned as an issue. On March 26, 2021, we had the first mass shooting in Atlanta, Georgia. Two weeks later, there was another mass shooting in Boulder, Colorado. Again with both shootings, there were more senseless killings. Considering over 525,000 Americans have died due to the Coronavirus, we do not need anymore unnecessary deaths in our Country.

We are a Country of grief! People who lost loved ones in mass shootings before 2019 are still grieving the loss of loved ones. There families will never be the same. The grieving process does not stop after a funeral. The grieving process can last for years especially when it is for a child or parent who were senseless killed in a mass shooting. We also have people still grieving the loss of a loved one by a pandemic that former President Trump ignored allowing 525,000 Americans and counting to die from a virus. Also families who have a love one who died due to the Coronavirus never had the chance to personally say goodbye or have a complete funeral due to the restrictions associated with the Coronavirus.

As I said mass shootings are an issue again. Since the mass shooting in Atlanta, there have been a minimum of 22 mass shootings (CDC, NBC, CNN). There have been other shootings which are still being investigated to determine if they meet the CDC definition of a mass shooting. Regardless of how those shootings are defined, they still occurred and people were killed and wounded. Therefore, since the Atlanta mass shooting, we have added to the number of Americans who are grieving and dealing with traumatic reactions. Many of these people added are children and teenagers. How do we justify getting upset with teenagers when they act out by refusing to do school work or damaging property, when they are having to continue to deal with grief and trauma on a daily basis and they see no relief in sight.

Given how many families are being devastated by these mass shootings, what is the problem with enacting sane and safe gun laws? Republicans are spending numerous hours and money trying to change our voting laws, but are not willing to implement safe and sane gun laws to stop the senseless killings. How is making it a crime to give a person water who is waiting in line to vote protecting our voting system or our Country? The election of 2020 was the biggest Presidential election in our Country and numerous states and the Superior Courts in Sates and the Supreme Court all agreed in that the election of 2020 was one of the fairest elections with the least amount of problems in our Country’s history. Therefore, why waste time on voting laws? Why not focus on the violence and unnecessary killings that are occurring in the United States.

We need to address the massive amount of violence occurring in our Country. Besides mass shootings, the United States Capital Building has been attacked twice in 2021 with 4 Capital Police Officers being killed or dying from suicide (CDC, NBC, CNN). In addition to the attacks on the Capital, Asian Americans have been the victims of numerous physical attacks. Again, many have been killed by these attacks adding to the number of Americans grieving and dealing with traumatic reactions. These are occurring because the former President blamed China for the Coronavirus. However, he takes no responsibility for ignoring the medical experts who were telling the former President what he needed to do. His solution was to tell people to drink bleach. Something many people actually tried (CDC).

The former President ignored that we have a nation grieving and dealing with traumatic reactions. Now, as mass shootings resume and attacks on Asian Americans continue and people continue to die from the Coronavirus, the number of Americans grieving and dealing with traumatic reactions continue to grow. Remember a large number of these Americans are children and teenagers. People say they need psychotherapy. However, as a psychotherapist I can tell you many insurance companies are raising copays so high that families cannot afford therapy for their children and teenagers and also afford to buy food for their family. Many families are going without therapy or going to food banks.

We cannot allow the United States to be a country of grief and trauma. We must enact safe and sane gun laws. We have them for driving, the use of alcohol and for traveling. Therefore, safe and sane gun laws will not destroy the second amendment. Also voting laws are fine how they are right now. We need to focus on the real problems facing our children and teenagers. We need to stop the violence and ensure that anyone who needs psychotherapy can get it.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over twenty years experience treating children and teenagers and treating trauma victims. For more information regarding his work visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

Helping Kids Who are Afraid as We Reopen Schools

Helping Kids Who are Afraid as We Reopen Schools

Over the past two years children and teenagers have had to cope with a lot of emotions. The main emotions they have been facing are anxiety, fear and grief. If we look at their lives over the past few years, it is not surprising they have been dealing with these emotions.

In 2019, there was a mass shooting every day and a majority of these shootings occurred at schools (CDC). Students have been dealing with these shootings for 20 years and since 2010, the number of shootings increased every year (CDC). As a result, students were grieving for friends and teachers and were afraid to go to school. In addition, they were having mass shooter drills on a regular basis. These drills increased children’s anxiety about going to school. They were have more shooter drills than fire drills.

Besides dealing with mass shootings, they have had to cope with the Coronavirus Pandemic and having to go to school remotely. Furthermore, they were not able to see their friends as usual. Finally with over 525,000 Americans dying from the Coronavirus, many children and teenagers have been grieving for the death of grandparents, parents and friends. This has also created a lot of anxiety for kids. Many do not want their parents to leave the house because they are afraid that their parents might catch the virus and die.

Now we are changing children’s world again. We are telling them it is safe to go back to school. However, the Coronavirus is not under control and the mass shootings have started again. This will exacerbate the fear, anxiety and grief that children and teenagers are still dealing with due to the last two years. Honestly, can you blame them?

I have had many parents ask me how they can help their children and teenagers through these difficult times. However, many parents are finding it difficult because they are experiencing some of the same feelings and they know they cannot completely protect their children from mass shootings or the Coronavirus. This is correct, but as a parent all you can do is your best. Hopefully if you and your family work together, you can make it through these difficult times.

Dealing with children and teenagers as a psychotherapist for the past 20 years, I have seen many children with these issues. Additionally, I have researched these issues in addition to becoming certified to treat children and first responders for the traumatic events we are facing as a society. Below is the best advice I have found for parents who are dealing with children who are anxious, afraid or grieving.

As a parent, you can’t protect you children from grief, but you can help them express their feelings, comfort them, help them feel safer, and teach them how to deal with fear. By allowing and encouraging them to express their feelings, you can help them build healthy coping skills that will serve them well in the future, and confidence that they can overcome adversity.

• Break the news. When something happens that will get wide coverage, my first and most important suggestion is that you don’t delay telling your children about what’s happened: It’s much better for the child if you’re the one who tells her. You don’t want her to hear from some other child, a television news report, or the headlines on the front page of the New York Post. You want to be able to convey the facts, however painful, and set the emotional tone.

• Take your cues from your child. Invite her to tell you anything she may have heard about the tragedy, and how she feels. Give her ample opportunity to ask questions. You want to be prepared to answer (but not prompt) questions about upsetting details. Your goal is to avoid encouraging frightening fantasies.

• Model calm. It’s okay to let your child know if you’re sad, but if you talk to your child about a traumatic experience in a highly emotional way, then he will likely absorb your emotion and very little else. If, on the other hand, you remain calm, he is likely to grasp what’s important: that tragic events can upset our lives, even deeply, but we can learn from bad experiences and work together to grow stronger.

• Be reassuring. Talking about death is always difficult, but a tragic accident or act of violence is especially tough because of how egocentric children are: they’re likely to focus on whether something like this could happen to them. So it’s important to reassure your child about how unusual this kind of event is, and the safety measures that have been taken to prevent this kind of thing from happening to them. You can also assure him that this kind of tragedy is investigated carefully, to identify causes and help prevent it from happening again. It’s confidence-building for kids to know that we learn from negative experiences.

• Help children express their feelings. In your conversation (and subsequent ones) you can suggest ways your child might remember those she’s lost: draw pictures or tell stories about things you did together. If you’re religious, going to church or synagogue could be valuable.

• Be developmentally appropriate. Don’t volunteer too much information, as this may be overwhelming. Instead, try to answer your child’s questions. Do your best to answer honestly and clearly. It’s okay if you can’t answer everything; being available to your child is what matters. Difficult conversations like this aren’t over in one session; expect to return to the topic as many times as your child needs to come to terms with this experience.

• Hopefully these suggestions will help parents who have children or teenagers who are dealing with fear, anxiety or grieving for a loved one. Remember there are no perfect parents, so just do your best. If your child knows you are coming from a place of love, they will know you are trying to help and you will help them. If however, you feel your child needs more help than you can provide, arrange for them to see a psychotherapist who specializes in children and teenagers and specializes in treating trauma.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. Additionally, he is certified to treat children, teenagers and first responders for traumatic events. For more information about Dr. Rubino’s work visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.