Month: August 2021

Helping Teenagers Cope with Peer Pressure

Helping Teenagers Cope with Peer Pressure

Many parents worry about peer pressure and so do a lot of teenagers. Teenagers worry about the stories they have heard and don’t know what to do. Many parents see their teenagers worrying and don’t know what to do about it either.

Let’s face it peer pressure has been part of life for a long time and it does not appear that we will eliminate it any time soon. However, be sides the negative we associate with it, research shows pressure does play an important role in helping Teenagers develop into adults. Therefore, since it doesn’t appear we will be eliminating it soon, we should help our children learn how to cope with it in a positive manner.

Additionally, since the research indicates that it plays a role in the development of teenagers, parents need to understand it better. If parents understand it better, they will be better prepared to help their children deal with it. While researching this topic I found an article which explains these points easily and it is an article that is easy to read. Therefore, I have included the link so parents can read it and gain a better understanding about peer pressure it more.

Here is the link to the article https://yourteenmag.com/social-life/teenagers-friends/peer-pressure

Dr. Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers and trauma victims. For more information regarding Dr. Rubino’s work, please visit his website at http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at Facebook.com/Drrubino3

College Eating Disorders Impact Females & Males

College Eating Disorders Impact Females & Males

Many parents are getting ready to send their children off to college. This is a very happy time and sad time for many parents and teenagers. It is also a time, especially now, many parents worry about their child’s health and safety while their child is away at college. Being realistic parents are not their to watch their child so they have to trust their child’s judgment.

Additionally, we are seeing a significant increase in the number of people being diagnosed with the Coronavirus Delta variant. While their child is at home, they can keep watch and remind their child if they feel they are taking unnecessary risks. However, they cannot do this when their child is at college.

While parents are worrying about the Coronavirus, mass shooting and how their child will do on their own, there is another issue most parents don’t worry about regarding their child. The issue many parents do not think about is eating disorders.

Many research studies indicate that many eating disorders begin in college. If your child had an eating disorder during high school or middle school, they are at a high risk for a release during college. Furthermore, it’s not just girls who are at risk for eating disorders. Boys suffer from eating disorders too. In fact when the college population is examined 1 out of every 3 people diagnosed with an eating disorder is male (CDC, NEDA). Additionally, eating disorders impact every ethnicity and socioeconomic group. Therefore, eating disorders do not discriminate, but the stereotype is that it only impacts females. A stereotype which is incorrect.

Since eating disorders most commonly occur during college, it is a good idea to discuss the issue with your children who are going to college. Since an eating disorder can occur at any time, it’s a good idea that this be an ongoing conversation while they are in college. You don’t want to make it a one time lecture.

I have an outline below of topics to cover and how you may want to cover the various points.

 1. Listen to your teen’s perspective

Rather than launch into a lecture, start by asking your young adult why they think eating disorders are so prevalent among college students. Get their take on potential vulnerabilities specific to this age group. You’ll also be able to assess their understanding of eating disorders and what misconceptions they may have.

2. Bust myths about the “freshman fifteen”

If your teen hasn’t already brought up their concerns about freshman weight gain, now is your chance to address the tired jokes and fear-mongering around this popular phrase. The reality is that, even though the average weight gain among college students is much lower than fifteen pounds, everyone responds differently to this big life transition. Remind your teen that they are still growing and, despite cultural messages to the contrary, we don’t have to demonize weight gain. 

3. Address the risks of dieting—even if they call it “healthy eating”

Make sure your kids know the facts. Whether it’s a lifestyle change, a cleanse, a reset, or a weight-loss app that insists it “isn’t a diet,” restricting calories and/or food groups is likely to disrupt one’s relationship with eating. In most cases, dieting (by any name) can lead to fixation and bingeing. In others, it can cause anxiety and increasing restriction. And while eating disorders can be triggered by many factors, dieting is the single biggest predictor: one in four people who diet will go on to develop a diagnosable eating disorder. 

4. Talk through the college dining experience

Navigating a campus meal plan is nothing like wandering into the kitchen at home. Acknowledge how challenging this adjustment might be. Familiar foods may not always be available and buffet-style cafeterias can be overwhelming at first. Emphasize the importance of eating regularly. Skipping meals affects mood, sleep, and concentration—and can catalyze a disorder. 

5. Learn about mental health care on campus

If your child—or their roommate, teammate, or friend—seems to be struggling with body image or their relationship with food or exercise, where would they turn? The RA? A coach? University health services? Finding out more about mental health care available on campus is a great opportunity to address any lingering stigma around mental health needs and to normalize asking for help.

As you prepare to send your new college student off to school, and when they return home for breaks, be sure to make time for shared meals as a family. Family meals are a powerful protective factor against many of the stressors and pressures young people face. And, perhaps most important, when we share a meal with our teens, we are modeling the role of food as more than just calories or a nutrient-delivery system. Eating with people we love helps create a sense of safety, belonging, and joy. And that’s what we all want our kids to experience in college—and beyond. 

Hopefully this is helpful for parents and college students. Again remember, it’s best if you make this an ongoing conversation while your child is going to college. Finally it’s important to remember that both females and males develop eating disorders and die from them.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers and trauma victims. For more information regarding Dr. Rubino’s work visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/Drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

Starting High School During the Delta Variant Outbreak

Starting High School During the Delta Variant Outbreak

All over the Country teenagers will be starting their first year in high school or returning to high school. Typically I would recommend that parents think back to their first day of high school and how they felt and what they were expecting. I did this to help parents relate to some of the feelings their teenager maybe having as a way for parents to help their teenagers starting high school. This may help parents with some of the issues facing their teenagers, but teenagers starting high school or resuming high school in 2021 do so in the middle of a deadly pandemic. Therefore, high school students are facing additional issues besides the typical first day of school issues.

High school students, in fact all students, are starting school when there is a significant increase in the Coronavirus due to the Delta variant. As a result, many people including teenagers are contracting the virus and having to be hospitalized (CDC). The number of people contracting the virus is similar to the numbers we were seeing a year ago (CDC).

Therefore, high school students are starting high school not knowing if they will or will not contact the deadly virus. Yes there are vaccinations they can get and they can wear masks, all of which decreases their chances of getting the virus, but some governors, school boards and parents are refusing these options. People are objecting because they say the precautions are not necessary and do not work. However, teens are hearing that in Alabama the State has run out of ICU beds for teenagers and 99.7% of people contracting the virus and currently dying from the virus have not been vaccinated (CDC). Additionally, they have heard about schools not using masks and having to shut down because the Delta variant had already infected too many teachers and students (CDC).

Besides worrying about contracting the virus, students have missed an entire year of high school. Therefore, students who are sophomores never had a freshman year and have no idea what to expect. Teenagers who were enjoying their high school experience have missed out on an entire year. Therefore, students starting high school and returning to high school in 2021 are doing so facing many issues that students usually never face. For example, the main issue is adjusting from remote learning to being back in the class. Their school days are longer, they have more homework and they are around more people. This is not a simple adjustment. As a result of all the issues we have seen a significant increase in depression and anxiety in high school students (CDC).

Parents hopefully you can remember everything teenagers and you are facing as your teenagers start high school. You may need to contact your teenager’s school and ask for assistance from the school. You may need to seek out a psychotherapist who specializes in treating teenagers and have your teenager participate in psychotherapy. There is no shame in doing this because teenagers are facing tremendous mental health issues and many need help. Since the pandemic and school resuming, there has been a significant increase in the number of teenagers needing psychotherapy (CDC). In fact we are running out of psychotherapist who are able to treat these teenagers. No one planned on how to adequately handle the number of teenagers needing psychotherapy due to the pandemic.

Parents all you can do is to be patient and listen to your teenagers and seek the help you feel is appropriate. Also do not forget yourselves. Parents are under a great deal of stress too and you may need psychotherapy too. If you try to work together and are patient with each other, you should be able to handle the stress teenagers are facing due to the pandemic.

In addition to the pandemic, students starting high school still deal with common anxieties most teenagers have faced over the years. One common stressor for many teenagers are the stories they have heard about how seniors picking on and teasing the freshman students. Another common fear for freshman is that they are going to get lost on the campus and not be able to find their classrooms. Your teenagers are at a point in their life where they want to make a good impression on the other students. At their age image is very important. Therefore the idea of being teased by the seniors or getting lost on the campus can be very stressful and also create a great deal of anxiety for a student starting high school.

As parents, you can talk to your teenagers about your first days days at high school and reassure them that the stories they hear about Freshmen being targets for the seniors are greatly exaggerated. Also you can try to go with them over to the school before it starts and walk around the campus so they can get use to where everything is at their new school. Another thing you can do is remind them that everyone makes mistakes so if they do get lost the first day it is not a big deal. Remind them there will be a lot of other kids starting their first day of school too and there will be other kids getting lost. This is also another opportunity to continue to establish an open relationship with your teenager. The more you talk with each other, you increase the likelihood that they will feel comfortable coming and talking to you about issues they will have while in high school.

Another issue facing some students is starting all over. In middle school may be everyone knew them and they were in the “popular group.” Now no one knows them and they need to start all over. This may be frightening to them, but remind them there will be many times in life when they will need to start as the new person. Also remind them, if they were able to do it in middle school, they can do it in high school too. Be sure to encourage them to have faith in themselves because it won’t happen over night. Now for many students middle school was a nightmare. They may be looking forward to starting over. Again remind them if they have the desire to try they can do it. All the Freshmen are starting all over just like them, but also to be patient because it may not happen as quickly as they like.

Also before school actually starts is a very good time to establish what your expectations are regarding grades and after school activities and hanging out with friends. At this time is a good time to establish what your expectations are homework, after school jobs and weekend curfews. If you establish an understanding between yourself and your teenager before these situations arise you can save yourself a lot of time arguing with your teenager. However as you establish these guidelines you want to have a conversation with your teenager about these issues. Remember your teenager is starting to enter the adult world, if you simply just tell them these are the rules, they will feel that you are being unfair and they will try to find a way around your rules. If you have a discussion with them about the rules they will feel that their opinions were respected, they are more likely to feel that the rules are fair and are more likely to follow the rules. It is also a good idea to write a contract with all the things you agreed to. If you write the agreements down and there is a misunderstanding you simply need to refer back to the contract. Also this is another opportunity for you to establish a relationship with your teenager where they feel comfortable enough to come to you and discuss any problems they may be having. You are also role modeling to them how to have an adult discussion and how to negotiate fairly and respectfully with other their people.

Of course you also want to take this opportunity to discuss with your teenager the fact that they are going to be faced with making decisions about alcohol, drugs and sex. This is a good time to provide them with the education they will need in order to cope with these situations. It is even more important today because technology has changed a number of rules. For example, if a girl texts a nude photo to a boy, he is guilty of having child pornography. Yes it was mutually agreed to but they are still under 18 years old so it is a crime. Texting is another area where they can get into trouble. If someone takes a text as a threat they can get into trouble for bullying or assault. As I said, technology has changed the rules and many of us have not been able to keep it. Therefore, remind them that information they may receive from their friends may not always be accurate. Furthermore, encourage them that at any time if they have any questions or concerns regarding these matters or any other matters you are always there to listen and to talk with them.

One thing to remember is acronym HALT. I teach this often with anger management, but it helps with communication too.

H – hunger

A – anger

L – lonely

T – tired

If either one of you are having these feelings, it is generally not a good time to have a discussion. Also if either one of you is feeling like this and you may not be listening to each other. Therefore, if either one of you are having these feelings or don’t feel like talking, then it’s better to postpone the conversation until you are both ready to talk.

Lastly, remind them that they are starting a brand-new phase in their life and it is normal to feel anxious and stress. Also remind them that these feelings are normal in the beginning but they usually quickly disappear after they have started school.

Besides having to face the pandemic, high school students today also have to face the issue of school shootings. Sadly, this is another stressful subject you may want to discuss with your teenager. Develop a plan with your teenager about what they would do if there was a shooting at their school. Also discuss with them what to do if they hear rumors or have concerns about how another student is acting. Finally, discuss how you can help if they are feeling worried or not safe at school. It is sad, but this is the world we live in today. Talking to you teen can help decrease anxiety and help you to maintain open communication with your teenager.

A few things you can do on the first day of classes to help with any anxiety are you can get up in the morning with them and have breakfast with them before they go to school. You can also put a note of encouragement in their backpack that they will find when they are at school and this can help reassure them and remind them how much support they have at home. Finally, you can arrange to be at home when when they get home from their first day of high school so you can talk about it with them. Also plan to have a family dinner to discuss everyone’s first day of school and offer encouragement where needed. These are just a few ideas to help with the transition process.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist who specializes in treating children and teenagers. He has over 20 years experience working with teenagers. To learn more about his private practice in Pleasant or the work he has done over 20 years visit his web site at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/Drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

Helping Teenage Boys Move from High School to College

Helping Teenage Boys Move from High School to College

Teenage boys face a lot of pressure to succeed. They feel they must have very high grade point averages, be the star on the football, basketball team, at least some sport team and have a girlfriend in order to be a success in High School.

Many teenage boys are able to conform to the outdated stereotype and feel like a success in high school. This is a tremendous boost to their self-esteems and they feel like they can handle anything in life. They start viewing themselves as grown men who no longer need their parents help, because they are now men. This feeling typically last through high school and through the summer after they graduate high school. However, as freshmen in college things start to change.

When Senior boys reach college they are confronted with the fact that they are no longer the High School Star and that they need to start all over again. This is frustrating, but the problem comes when they notice many of the other freshmen are just as smart, athletic and have no problems getting dates with girls either. They find themselves at an equal level with the other freshmen guys. Therefore, in order to be the star they will need to work harder to succeed.

Many will try and many will find out they are no longer the high school star and except that fact of life. However, others have a very difficult time accepting this fact. As a result, they start on a downward spiral. They start drinking too much and skipping classes. They are looking for ways to numb out their pain. They are so ashamed that they concentrate on numbing out the pain instead of asking for help. I have worked with freshmen like this and even when you offer them help they turn it down. They feel they have to deal with the issues themselves otherwise if they need help it proves that they are a failure. They are following a pattern regarding being a man that they have learned since they were little boys. Men do not need help. If a man needs help, he is weak and not a man.

As they continue on this downward spiral, they are drinking, using drugs, missing classes and using sex to numb out their feelings. They are taking serious risks with their health, legally and with their education. Freshmen are typically 18 years old so it’s illegal to drink alcohol or use many of the drugs they are using. Additionally, as their grades drop, the college may ask them to leave school. They can also get a girl pregnant or catch an STD.

I am not the only psychotherapist who has noticed this issue with Freshmen young men. While researching this topic to develop treatment plans, I read a very helpful article. It explains the issue too and offers some clear ways that parents and friends can try to help a loved one who is in this situation. It is a mental health issue, but as we witnessed at the Tokyo Olympics, everyone has mental health issues. They are a normal part of life and when someone is struggling with an issue we need to provide help not try to shame the person. Here is the link to the article https://www.cnn.com/2021/08/17/health/college-freshman-boys-smoking-drinking-wellness/index.html.

Dr. Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers and trauma victims including first responders. For more information regarding his work please visit his website at http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at http://www.Facebook.com/Drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

Good sleep is vital to teenagers mental health

Good sleep is vital to teenagers mental health

Parents are usually arguing with teenagers about how much sleep teenagers are getting and the quality of their sleep. Turns out that parents are right. Getting enough good quality sleep is vital to teenagers mental health.

Research has shown Sleep is necessary for good physical and mental health. This article outlines the benefits of getting enough good quality sleep. Teenagers may want to disagree bet the research is consistent on this fact.

Here is another study outlining the benefits of sleep. The Science of Sleep: 10 Surprising Health Benefits | Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-healthy-journey/202108/the-science-sleep-10-surprising-health-benefits.

Dr. Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information about his work visit his website at http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at http://www.Facebook.com/Drrubino3.

New Ways Children are being Sexually Abused Online

New Ways Children are being Sexually Abused Online

With Covid the trolls have had a lot of time to develop new ways to target teenagers and children. This article describes how children are being targeted and what parents can do to prevent it. The article provides resources for parents and victims https://gooseberryplanet.com/preventing-a-summer-of-abuse-limiting-ads-to-teens-more/

Using A Driver’s Contract with Teenagers

Using A Driver’s Contract with Teenagers

Raising teenagers is a difficult task especially raising teenagers in today’s world. Before the year 2000 most patients had to worry about school, amount of time the teenager was on the phone and what their teenager was doing when they went out with friends or a date. These are still major areas of concern, but they are made more difficult due to the internet. Take going out with friends as an example, teenagers often look online for parties to go to in the weekend. They will make arrangements to get there with people they just met online. Additionally, they have no idea for sure what is or isn’t allowed at the party and the party may go one until 4am. This would cause many parents to worry and it should.

This is the reason that I have always stressed behavior contracts with teenagers. It gives parents a chance to discuss their concerns with their teenagers and to also set limits regarding appropriate behavior. No parent wants their teenager to fail school or to get hurt while out with friends. Since the prefrontal cortex of a teenager’s brain is not fully developed, at times they have difficulties making appropriate decisions. Again they may physically look like an adult, but mentally they are still very impulsive and at times act more like 5th graders. This is why contracts can help teenagers understand where their limits are and what will happen at home if they violate the limits.

Besides a contract regarding school and homework, a contract regarding driving is very important. Due to the new laws some teenagers are not driving at 16 years old and waiting until they are 18 years old. When they are 18, many of the new laws do not apply to them. However, whether they are 16 or 18 years old, they are driving your car so you are financially responsible if they are in an accident. Additionally, whether they are 16 or 18 years old, no patent wants their child seriously hurt in a car accident. With that being said, below is the contact I recommend patients use for their teenagers regarding driving. I recommend you use this contact whether they are 16 years old or 18 years old. Below are the essential parts of a driving contract that I recommend:

1. Have some baseline rules.

The driving contract for new drivers should include baseline rules to discourage behaviors that lead to accident and injury or death. These behaviors should include never driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs, never using a cell phone while driving, never speeding, and always wearing a seatbelt.

2. Include consequences.

The teen driving contract should also include specific consequences for violating the rules. Parents must be willing to enforce the rules in the teen driving contract. Otherwise your teenager will have no real incentive to follow them. Making the consequences specific—you will lose access to the car for a week, if … —is helpful. That way, everyone will be on the same page about what will happen if the rules are broken.

3. Always offer a “Safe Passage” clause.

Parents should institute a “safe-passage” clause in their contract. If they are ever concerned about getting into a car, as a driver or a passenger, you will pick them up. No questions asked. Save the discussion for the next morning or, better, yet several days later.

4. Be willing to enforce the contract.

The effectiveness of the teen driver contract directly correlates to your enforcement of it. These kinds of rules encourage teenagers to take the responsibility of driving seriously, while also helping them resist peer pressure.

The contract is basic and everyone understands the consequences if the contract is broken. This can prevent a lot of arguments. I recommend that parents and the teenager all sign the contract and all receive a copy of it. This is an example of a contract for driving, but you can use contracts for many issues such as homework. I have found that many parents become overwhelmed trying to write a contract. Therefore, I have included this link https://adayinourshoes.com/behavior-contract-templates-elementary-teen/. It has templates to over 27 behavior contracts you can use with teenagers and they are free to download. Hopefully, this will make using contracts easier.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers and trauma victims. For more information regarding his work visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/Drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.