Teenage Boys Using Pornography to Cope with Their Emotions

Teenage Boys Using Pornography to Cope with Their Emotions

Most boys and teenage boys have grown up hearing a stereotype about what it takes “to be a man.” While many teenage boys may not agree with the stereotype, they are afraid to deviate from it because they don’t want to be labeled as “gay.” According to the research, this stereotype typically leads boys to becoming sexually active in middle school. Again this is based on current research data. Additionally it shows that boys also tend to feel a sense of isolation due to the stereotype. The stereotype makes teenage boys believe they should be prepared to handle life like a grown man. However, they are not fully mature nor are they prepared to handle everything on the own. However, due to the stereotype they feel they cannot ask for help or share their concerns with their friends. Hence they feel isolated, alone and like failures at the age of 16 years old.

This article is going to discuss the epidemic of addiction to porn that many teenage boys and men are dealing with today. In our society sex is a tabooed subject. It is unusual if anyone sits down with a teenage boy and discusses sex. They typically learn about sex by talking to friends, having sex or the most common way watching pornography. However, no one discusses how to treat a sexual partner, diseases you can catch and the importance of mutual consent. Most importantly no one discusses with boys to think about are they emotionally and financially ready to be a father. Any time a boy has sex, he can get a girl pregnant. Even if they were using birth control. There is no method that is 100% safe.

Many parents may feel this issue doesn’t apply to their son. However, with the internet being available on laptops, game centers and phones most people stumble on to pornography by accident and very easily. Look online for yourself. It is very easy to access pornography in today’s world. Most research studies indicate that most boys have been exposed to pornography between the ages of 8 years old and 10 years old. Their young minds are not prepared to process what they are seeing nor are they prepared for the feeling they experience and how their bodies respond to what they are seeing. They continue to watch and to go back to the sites over and over and many become addicted. Even though pornography addiction is not a formal psychiatric diagnosis yet, most research studies have concluded that the number of teenage boys visiting porn sites at least once a day has reached epidemic rates. Some teenage boys have self reported going to porn sites five to 10 times a day. Therefore, while the DSM V does not list porn addiction as a formal diagnosis, many researchers and clinicians believe that people especially teenage boys can become addicted to pornography.

This is an issue parents do need to pay attention to during the pandemic. Teenagers are having to spend more time at home and cannot see their friends like they are use to. Therefore, many teen boys are reporting being bored and some report being slightly depressed. Since they are spending more time in their bedrooms and have easy access to pornography via their phones or laptop, there is a temptation to look at pornography to help with being bored. This simple distraction can easily turn into an addiction during the pandemic. They are isolated and have no idea when the pandemic will end. Pornography therefore becomes an easy escape and habit before they know it.

Additionally, with the current confusion regarding the Delta variant and the number of people being diagnosed with the Coronavirus increasing significantly and hospitals running out of beds for adults and teenagers, the stress teenagers are feeling regarding the Coronavirus is increasing. Before teenagers were being told the virus mainly effects older adults. Now they are hearing the delta variant is impacting teenagers. In addition to the Coronavirus, we have been dealing with hurricanes and fires through out the the Country. As a result teenage boys are feeling stressed and they have learned that pornography can decrease their stress. Therefore, they are using pornography to help them cope with their current stressors.

Lisa Ling did an episode about porn addiction in her series This is Life. I have included the YouTube link here to the episode. YouTube does charge $1.99 to watch the episode but if you have teenage boys it is well worth the cost. She was able to talk to men in their thirties, homosexual men and an 18 year old high school senior who openly discussed their struggles with pornography and masturbation. They all explain how easy it was to become addicted but how difficult it is to stop. Some men had been trying for years to stop using pornography and still can’t succeed. Here is the link https://youtu.be/UqoCg9Srs18.

Additionally, these men and teenager discussed how pornography has negatively impacted their lives. Besides the guilt and shame they felt about their addiction, they reported difficulties with obtaining and maintaining an erection. Many also reported a decreased interest in having sex. They no longer felt interested in women sexually. They stated they were sexually interested in pornography only. One man stated the only way he could have sex with a woman was to fantasy about porn. Many of you may think these issues primarily pertained to the men in their thirties or 40s. Well these issues impacted the entire group even the 18 year old high school senior. The 18 year old high school senior reported he was only able to get an erection if he was watching pornography. He also stated he no longer was finding girls his age sexually attractive. He stated he found he was more attracted to pornography and despite his desire to stop he was not able to stop watching pornography. I have heard many teenagers and men make the same statements in sessions so it is reality.

Overall most of the men reported feeling isolated and lonely due to pornography. They felt embarrassed to tell their families or to seek help. Even if they wanted help, they did not know where to go to get help. The man who arranged this group that Lisa interviewed started a website NoFab. It is an online support group helping men over come their addiction to pornography and masturbation. When I say men, most guys on the site are between 18 and 24 years old. This site found that teens between the ages of 13 and 16 are at the greatest risk for becoming addicted to pornography. Most likely because at that age a boys hormones are out of control and they have little to no sexual experience. So unfortunately what they learn about sex comes from pornography a fantasy world.

This subject also pertains to teenage boys during the quarantine. How many teenage boys are spending more time in their bedrooms on their laptops and smartphones. How many were bored of being in the house and looking for something new. Well pornography is new and can eliminate being bored. We have no idea how many teenage boys may be starting their pornography addiction during the quarantine.

Father’s if you noticed changes in your teenage son in the past and you think it may be related to pornography or if he is spending a lot more time in his room since the quarantine then talk to him about pornography. However, do so calmly and gently. Remember how you felt at his age and if the subject of sex came up. You don’t want to embarrass him or make him feel his sexual feeling are wrong or perverted. Explain that pornography is a fantasy and not reality. It is adult entertainment not entertainment for teenagers. Also explain how it can give a boy the wrong idea about how to treat a woman or what she really wants. Basically, do not be afraid to have an open, frank discussion about sex and pornography. Also don’t be afraid to ask if they feel they are having problems with pornography. Reassure them if they are, you will not get mad and you will help them find help for the issue. Remember don’t shame them. Be there as their father to eliminate the lonely, isolated feeling and help them on the road to recovery. Also tell them how proud you are that they were brave enough to speak up and ask for help.

If your teenager needs help look for a psychotherapist who specializes in teenagers, addiction issues and sexual issues. Pornography addiction is not like being an alcoholic. A person can stop drinking alcohol, however, they cannot stop having sexual feelings. Sexual feelings are part of being human so they have to learn a new way to relate to their sexual feelings.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information about his work and private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple or Audible.

Teenagers Need Psychotherapy, but Insurance Denies Claim

Teenagers Need Psychotherapy, but Insurance Denies Claim

Over the years children and teenagers have been exposed to stressful life events especially the last two years. The teens today have grown up with daily school shootings and mass shooting drills. Imagine being a second grader having to rehearse a man with a gun is on campus and you don’t know if you are going to live or die. Additionally, we are coming up on the 20th anniversary of the 9/11 attack in New York. Teenagers today have also grown up with terrorist alerts and having to be searched anytime they went to a concert or places such as Disneyland. Finally they have had to cope with COVID. Over 600,000 Americans have died from this virus (CDC). Many children and teenagers have lost grandparents, siblings and parents to this virus. We thought we had turned a corner regarding the Coronavirus and we find out we are back at the beginning. There are over 150,000 people being diagnosed with the Coronavirus daily and the number of people dying is increasing and hospitals don’t have enough beds to treat everyone. Additionally, this time the virus is effecting teenagers and children. Since schools have started 450 children have died due to the Coronavirus virus (CDC).

This is a lot for a child or teenager to have to adjust to. Remember, their brains are not fully developed yet. Therefore they cannot understand things like adults do. Furthermore, they have very active imaginations which are fueled by misinformation on social media or from people such as Tucker Carlson on Fox. Having to cope with all of this together has resulted in a significant increase in depression, suicide, drug overdose and anxiety disorders. At my office we get at least 20 requests daily for teenagers seeking psychotherapy due to anxiety disorders.

The fact that we thought we were on the right track with the Coronavirus and now we have another spike which is similar to the numbers a year ago is confusing and irritating to teenagers. Just as somethings were opening up and returning somewhat to normal, we have this spike and need to adjust our lives again. As a result, many things have to be closed down again, there are definite rules regarding wearing masks and they are not able to freely socialize with their friends. Again we are not able to give children and teenagers any definite answers regarding when life will return to something normal.

With everything teenagers have had to cope with growing up, terrorist attacks, war, the economy collapsing, mass shooting and now the Coronavirus, we failed to make plans for their mental health care. Yes hospitals are running out of beds and physicians are becoming exhausted, but we are also running out of psychotherapists. Also psychotherapists are exhausted because they are dealing with depression, suicide and anxiety daily. However, psychotherapist do need some breaks so they can keep going. Finally, more and more insurance companies are declining claims or raising copayments so high that families cannot afford their copayments.

This lack of mental health care is unacceptable in the United States. Parents call the Human Resource Department at your work. They negotiate your benefits with the insurance companies. Therefore, they can renegotiate your coverage so you receive the benefits your family needs. Also call your Senators and demand that insurance companies need to provide mental health care.

As a result, many parents have asked me how to determine if their child is coping with anxiety and what to do if they are coping with anxiety. I can understand why parents are concerned especially because many children tend to try to hide their anxiety because they don’t want to worry their parents.

Therefore, the APA (American Psychological Association) developed guidelines that parents can use to determine if their child is dealing with anxiety and what to do if they are dealing with anxiety. You can also use the guidelines for depression too. I have provided an outline to the APA guidelines below:

The American Psychological Association (APA) offers the following tips to recognize if children may be experiencing stress or anxiety:

• Withdrawal from things the child usually enjoys

• Trouble falling or staying asleep

• Unexpected abdominal pain or headaches

• Extreme mood swings

• Development of a nervous habit, such as nail-biting

Parents can actively help kids and adolescents manage stress by:

Being available

• Start the conversation to let kids know you care about what’s happening in their lives.

• Notice times when kids are most likely to talk – for example, in the car or before bed.

Listening actively

• Stop what you’re doing and listen carefully when a child begins to open up about their feelings or thoughts.

• Let kids complete their point before you respond.

• Listen to their point of view even if it’s difficult to hear.

Responding thoughtfully

• Resist arguing about who is right. Instead say “I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think.”

• Express your opinion without minimizing theirs – acknowledge that it’s healthy to disagree sometimes.

• Focus on kids’ feelings rather than your own during conversation.

• Soften strong reactions, as kids will tune you out if you appear angry, defensive or judgmental.

• Word swap.

o   Say ‘and’ instead of ‘but’

o   Say ‘could’ instead of ‘should’

o   Say ‘aren’t going to’ instead of ‘can’t’

o   Say ‘sometimes’ instead of ‘never’ or ‘always’

Consider

• Model the behavior you want children to follow in how they manage anger, solve problems and work through difficult feelings. Kids learn by watching their parents.

• Don’t feel you have to step in each time kids make what you may consider a bad decision, unless the consequences may be dangerous. Kids learn from making their own choices.

• Pay attention to how children play, the words they use or the activities they engage in. Young children may express their feelings of stress during play time when they feel free to be themselves.

• It is important to explain difficult topics in sentences and even individual words kids will understand. For little kids it might mean saying simple things like, “We love you and we are here to keep you safe.” For adolescents, it’s important to be honest and up front about difficult topics and then give them a little space to process the information and ask questions when they’re ready.

Call your child’s or adolescent’s health care provider or a psychotherapist who specializes in treating children and teenagers, if stress begins to interfere with his or her daily activities for several days in a row.

You can find additional helpful information about kids and stress by visiting the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Helping Children Cope webpage at https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/for-parents.html.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information about Dr. Rubino’s work visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple or on Audible.

It’s Okay if Men and Boys Cry

It’s Okay if Men and Boys Cry

As a psychotherapist who has been working with teenagers for 24 years, I have heard from many teenager guys that guys don’t cry. They view emotions as weak especially crying. In their opinion if you are going to be a man you can’t cry.

I have had many parents discuss the lack of emotions they have noticed with their teenage sons. They want to know how to help their sons because they believe emotions are important. Emotions are important for everyone. To be healthy you need good mental health too. In order to have good mental health you need to be able to express your feelings. The problem is helping teenage boys this point.

Teenage boys feel crying is weak because they are trying to live up to the stereotype about men. This is an issue we need to educate teenage boys about. They need to understand that the old stereotype doesn’t exist and it’s to be themselves.

Therefore, it is okay for men to cry and it is also okay for teenage boys to cry too. Therefore we need to teach boys that it’s okay and healthy for them to cry.

This is an issue I have been dealing with this issue for a long time. I did come across the following article which helps explain in a clear manner to men and boys that it’s okay to cry. If you have a teenage boy or a man in your life you care about, please read so you can help teenage boys https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/when-a-man-cries/

Dr. Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 24 years experience treating children and teenagers and trauma victims. For more information about Dr. Rubino’s work visit website http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or http://www.Facebook.com/Drrubino3.

Helping Teenagers Cope with Peer Pressure

Helping Teenagers Cope with Peer Pressure

Many parents worry about peer pressure and so do a lot of teenagers. Teenagers worry about the stories they have heard and don’t know what to do. Many parents see their teenagers worrying and don’t know what to do about it either.

Let’s face it peer pressure has been part of life for a long time and it does not appear that we will eliminate it any time soon. However, be sides the negative we associate with it, research shows pressure does play an important role in helping Teenagers develop into adults. Therefore, since it doesn’t appear we will be eliminating it soon, we should help our children learn how to cope with it in a positive manner.

Additionally, since the research indicates that it plays a role in the development of teenagers, parents need to understand it better. If parents understand it better, they will be better prepared to help their children deal with it. While researching this topic I found an article which explains these points easily and it is an article that is easy to read. Therefore, I have included the link so parents can read it and gain a better understanding about peer pressure it more.

Here is the link to the article https://yourteenmag.com/social-life/teenagers-friends/peer-pressure

Dr. Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers and trauma victims. For more information regarding Dr. Rubino’s work, please visit his website at http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at Facebook.com/Drrubino3

College Eating Disorders Impact Females & Males

College Eating Disorders Impact Females & Males

Many parents are getting ready to send their children off to college. This is a very happy time and sad time for many parents and teenagers. It is also a time, especially now, many parents worry about their child’s health and safety while their child is away at college. Being realistic parents are not their to watch their child so they have to trust their child’s judgment.

Additionally, we are seeing a significant increase in the number of people being diagnosed with the Coronavirus Delta variant. While their child is at home, they can keep watch and remind their child if they feel they are taking unnecessary risks. However, they cannot do this when their child is at college.

While parents are worrying about the Coronavirus, mass shooting and how their child will do on their own, there is another issue most parents don’t worry about regarding their child. The issue many parents do not think about is eating disorders.

Many research studies indicate that many eating disorders begin in college. If your child had an eating disorder during high school or middle school, they are at a high risk for a release during college. Furthermore, it’s not just girls who are at risk for eating disorders. Boys suffer from eating disorders too. In fact when the college population is examined 1 out of every 3 people diagnosed with an eating disorder is male (CDC, NEDA). Additionally, eating disorders impact every ethnicity and socioeconomic group. Therefore, eating disorders do not discriminate, but the stereotype is that it only impacts females. A stereotype which is incorrect.

Since eating disorders most commonly occur during college, it is a good idea to discuss the issue with your children who are going to college. Since an eating disorder can occur at any time, it’s a good idea that this be an ongoing conversation while they are in college. You don’t want to make it a one time lecture.

I have an outline below of topics to cover and how you may want to cover the various points.

 1. Listen to your teen’s perspective

Rather than launch into a lecture, start by asking your young adult why they think eating disorders are so prevalent among college students. Get their take on potential vulnerabilities specific to this age group. You’ll also be able to assess their understanding of eating disorders and what misconceptions they may have.

2. Bust myths about the “freshman fifteen”

If your teen hasn’t already brought up their concerns about freshman weight gain, now is your chance to address the tired jokes and fear-mongering around this popular phrase. The reality is that, even though the average weight gain among college students is much lower than fifteen pounds, everyone responds differently to this big life transition. Remind your teen that they are still growing and, despite cultural messages to the contrary, we don’t have to demonize weight gain. 

3. Address the risks of dieting—even if they call it “healthy eating”

Make sure your kids know the facts. Whether it’s a lifestyle change, a cleanse, a reset, or a weight-loss app that insists it “isn’t a diet,” restricting calories and/or food groups is likely to disrupt one’s relationship with eating. In most cases, dieting (by any name) can lead to fixation and bingeing. In others, it can cause anxiety and increasing restriction. And while eating disorders can be triggered by many factors, dieting is the single biggest predictor: one in four people who diet will go on to develop a diagnosable eating disorder. 

4. Talk through the college dining experience

Navigating a campus meal plan is nothing like wandering into the kitchen at home. Acknowledge how challenging this adjustment might be. Familiar foods may not always be available and buffet-style cafeterias can be overwhelming at first. Emphasize the importance of eating regularly. Skipping meals affects mood, sleep, and concentration—and can catalyze a disorder. 

5. Learn about mental health care on campus

If your child—or their roommate, teammate, or friend—seems to be struggling with body image or their relationship with food or exercise, where would they turn? The RA? A coach? University health services? Finding out more about mental health care available on campus is a great opportunity to address any lingering stigma around mental health needs and to normalize asking for help.

As you prepare to send your new college student off to school, and when they return home for breaks, be sure to make time for shared meals as a family. Family meals are a powerful protective factor against many of the stressors and pressures young people face. And, perhaps most important, when we share a meal with our teens, we are modeling the role of food as more than just calories or a nutrient-delivery system. Eating with people we love helps create a sense of safety, belonging, and joy. And that’s what we all want our kids to experience in college—and beyond. 

Hopefully this is helpful for parents and college students. Again remember, it’s best if you make this an ongoing conversation while your child is going to college. Finally it’s important to remember that both females and males develop eating disorders and die from them.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers and trauma victims. For more information regarding Dr. Rubino’s work visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/Drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

Starting High School During the Delta Variant Outbreak

Starting High School During the Delta Variant Outbreak

All over the Country teenagers will be starting their first year in high school or returning to high school. Typically I would recommend that parents think back to their first day of high school and how they felt and what they were expecting. I did this to help parents relate to some of the feelings their teenager maybe having as a way for parents to help their teenagers starting high school. This may help parents with some of the issues facing their teenagers, but teenagers starting high school or resuming high school in 2021 do so in the middle of a deadly pandemic. Therefore, high school students are facing additional issues besides the typical first day of school issues.

High school students, in fact all students, are starting school when there is a significant increase in the Coronavirus due to the Delta variant. As a result, many people including teenagers are contracting the virus and having to be hospitalized (CDC). The number of people contracting the virus is similar to the numbers we were seeing a year ago (CDC).

Therefore, high school students are starting high school not knowing if they will or will not contact the deadly virus. Yes there are vaccinations they can get and they can wear masks, all of which decreases their chances of getting the virus, but some governors, school boards and parents are refusing these options. People are objecting because they say the precautions are not necessary and do not work. However, teens are hearing that in Alabama the State has run out of ICU beds for teenagers and 99.7% of people contracting the virus and currently dying from the virus have not been vaccinated (CDC). Additionally, they have heard about schools not using masks and having to shut down because the Delta variant had already infected too many teachers and students (CDC).

Besides worrying about contracting the virus, students have missed an entire year of high school. Therefore, students who are sophomores never had a freshman year and have no idea what to expect. Teenagers who were enjoying their high school experience have missed out on an entire year. Therefore, students starting high school and returning to high school in 2021 are doing so facing many issues that students usually never face. For example, the main issue is adjusting from remote learning to being back in the class. Their school days are longer, they have more homework and they are around more people. This is not a simple adjustment. As a result of all the issues we have seen a significant increase in depression and anxiety in high school students (CDC).

Parents hopefully you can remember everything teenagers and you are facing as your teenagers start high school. You may need to contact your teenager’s school and ask for assistance from the school. You may need to seek out a psychotherapist who specializes in treating teenagers and have your teenager participate in psychotherapy. There is no shame in doing this because teenagers are facing tremendous mental health issues and many need help. Since the pandemic and school resuming, there has been a significant increase in the number of teenagers needing psychotherapy (CDC). In fact we are running out of psychotherapist who are able to treat these teenagers. No one planned on how to adequately handle the number of teenagers needing psychotherapy due to the pandemic.

Parents all you can do is to be patient and listen to your teenagers and seek the help you feel is appropriate. Also do not forget yourselves. Parents are under a great deal of stress too and you may need psychotherapy too. If you try to work together and are patient with each other, you should be able to handle the stress teenagers are facing due to the pandemic.

In addition to the pandemic, students starting high school still deal with common anxieties most teenagers have faced over the years. One common stressor for many teenagers are the stories they have heard about how seniors picking on and teasing the freshman students. Another common fear for freshman is that they are going to get lost on the campus and not be able to find their classrooms. Your teenagers are at a point in their life where they want to make a good impression on the other students. At their age image is very important. Therefore the idea of being teased by the seniors or getting lost on the campus can be very stressful and also create a great deal of anxiety for a student starting high school.

As parents, you can talk to your teenagers about your first days days at high school and reassure them that the stories they hear about Freshmen being targets for the seniors are greatly exaggerated. Also you can try to go with them over to the school before it starts and walk around the campus so they can get use to where everything is at their new school. Another thing you can do is remind them that everyone makes mistakes so if they do get lost the first day it is not a big deal. Remind them there will be a lot of other kids starting their first day of school too and there will be other kids getting lost. This is also another opportunity to continue to establish an open relationship with your teenager. The more you talk with each other, you increase the likelihood that they will feel comfortable coming and talking to you about issues they will have while in high school.

Another issue facing some students is starting all over. In middle school may be everyone knew them and they were in the “popular group.” Now no one knows them and they need to start all over. This may be frightening to them, but remind them there will be many times in life when they will need to start as the new person. Also remind them, if they were able to do it in middle school, they can do it in high school too. Be sure to encourage them to have faith in themselves because it won’t happen over night. Now for many students middle school was a nightmare. They may be looking forward to starting over. Again remind them if they have the desire to try they can do it. All the Freshmen are starting all over just like them, but also to be patient because it may not happen as quickly as they like.

Also before school actually starts is a very good time to establish what your expectations are regarding grades and after school activities and hanging out with friends. At this time is a good time to establish what your expectations are homework, after school jobs and weekend curfews. If you establish an understanding between yourself and your teenager before these situations arise you can save yourself a lot of time arguing with your teenager. However as you establish these guidelines you want to have a conversation with your teenager about these issues. Remember your teenager is starting to enter the adult world, if you simply just tell them these are the rules, they will feel that you are being unfair and they will try to find a way around your rules. If you have a discussion with them about the rules they will feel that their opinions were respected, they are more likely to feel that the rules are fair and are more likely to follow the rules. It is also a good idea to write a contract with all the things you agreed to. If you write the agreements down and there is a misunderstanding you simply need to refer back to the contract. Also this is another opportunity for you to establish a relationship with your teenager where they feel comfortable enough to come to you and discuss any problems they may be having. You are also role modeling to them how to have an adult discussion and how to negotiate fairly and respectfully with other their people.

Of course you also want to take this opportunity to discuss with your teenager the fact that they are going to be faced with making decisions about alcohol, drugs and sex. This is a good time to provide them with the education they will need in order to cope with these situations. It is even more important today because technology has changed a number of rules. For example, if a girl texts a nude photo to a boy, he is guilty of having child pornography. Yes it was mutually agreed to but they are still under 18 years old so it is a crime. Texting is another area where they can get into trouble. If someone takes a text as a threat they can get into trouble for bullying or assault. As I said, technology has changed the rules and many of us have not been able to keep it. Therefore, remind them that information they may receive from their friends may not always be accurate. Furthermore, encourage them that at any time if they have any questions or concerns regarding these matters or any other matters you are always there to listen and to talk with them.

One thing to remember is acronym HALT. I teach this often with anger management, but it helps with communication too.

H – hunger

A – anger

L – lonely

T – tired

If either one of you are having these feelings, it is generally not a good time to have a discussion. Also if either one of you is feeling like this and you may not be listening to each other. Therefore, if either one of you are having these feelings or don’t feel like talking, then it’s better to postpone the conversation until you are both ready to talk.

Lastly, remind them that they are starting a brand-new phase in their life and it is normal to feel anxious and stress. Also remind them that these feelings are normal in the beginning but they usually quickly disappear after they have started school.

Besides having to face the pandemic, high school students today also have to face the issue of school shootings. Sadly, this is another stressful subject you may want to discuss with your teenager. Develop a plan with your teenager about what they would do if there was a shooting at their school. Also discuss with them what to do if they hear rumors or have concerns about how another student is acting. Finally, discuss how you can help if they are feeling worried or not safe at school. It is sad, but this is the world we live in today. Talking to you teen can help decrease anxiety and help you to maintain open communication with your teenager.

A few things you can do on the first day of classes to help with any anxiety are you can get up in the morning with them and have breakfast with them before they go to school. You can also put a note of encouragement in their backpack that they will find when they are at school and this can help reassure them and remind them how much support they have at home. Finally, you can arrange to be at home when when they get home from their first day of high school so you can talk about it with them. Also plan to have a family dinner to discuss everyone’s first day of school and offer encouragement where needed. These are just a few ideas to help with the transition process.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist who specializes in treating children and teenagers. He has over 20 years experience working with teenagers. To learn more about his private practice in Pleasant or the work he has done over 20 years visit his web site at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/Drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

Helping Teenage Boys Move from High School to College

Helping Teenage Boys Move from High School to College

Teenage boys face a lot of pressure to succeed. They feel they must have very high grade point averages, be the star on the football, basketball team, at least some sport team and have a girlfriend in order to be a success in High School.

Many teenage boys are able to conform to the outdated stereotype and feel like a success in high school. This is a tremendous boost to their self-esteems and they feel like they can handle anything in life. They start viewing themselves as grown men who no longer need their parents help, because they are now men. This feeling typically last through high school and through the summer after they graduate high school. However, as freshmen in college things start to change.

When Senior boys reach college they are confronted with the fact that they are no longer the High School Star and that they need to start all over again. This is frustrating, but the problem comes when they notice many of the other freshmen are just as smart, athletic and have no problems getting dates with girls either. They find themselves at an equal level with the other freshmen guys. Therefore, in order to be the star they will need to work harder to succeed.

Many will try and many will find out they are no longer the high school star and except that fact of life. However, others have a very difficult time accepting this fact. As a result, they start on a downward spiral. They start drinking too much and skipping classes. They are looking for ways to numb out their pain. They are so ashamed that they concentrate on numbing out the pain instead of asking for help. I have worked with freshmen like this and even when you offer them help they turn it down. They feel they have to deal with the issues themselves otherwise if they need help it proves that they are a failure. They are following a pattern regarding being a man that they have learned since they were little boys. Men do not need help. If a man needs help, he is weak and not a man.

As they continue on this downward spiral, they are drinking, using drugs, missing classes and using sex to numb out their feelings. They are taking serious risks with their health, legally and with their education. Freshmen are typically 18 years old so it’s illegal to drink alcohol or use many of the drugs they are using. Additionally, as their grades drop, the college may ask them to leave school. They can also get a girl pregnant or catch an STD.

I am not the only psychotherapist who has noticed this issue with Freshmen young men. While researching this topic to develop treatment plans, I read a very helpful article. It explains the issue too and offers some clear ways that parents and friends can try to help a loved one who is in this situation. It is a mental health issue, but as we witnessed at the Tokyo Olympics, everyone has mental health issues. They are a normal part of life and when someone is struggling with an issue we need to provide help not try to shame the person. Here is the link to the article https://www.cnn.com/2021/08/17/health/college-freshman-boys-smoking-drinking-wellness/index.html.

Dr. Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers and trauma victims including first responders. For more information regarding his work please visit his website at http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at http://www.Facebook.com/Drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

Good sleep is vital to teenagers mental health

Good sleep is vital to teenagers mental health

Parents are usually arguing with teenagers about how much sleep teenagers are getting and the quality of their sleep. Turns out that parents are right. Getting enough good quality sleep is vital to teenagers mental health.

Research has shown Sleep is necessary for good physical and mental health. This article outlines the benefits of getting enough good quality sleep. Teenagers may want to disagree bet the research is consistent on this fact.

Here is another study outlining the benefits of sleep. The Science of Sleep: 10 Surprising Health Benefits | Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-healthy-journey/202108/the-science-sleep-10-surprising-health-benefits.

Dr. Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information about his work visit his website at http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at http://www.Facebook.com/Drrubino3.

New Ways Children are being Sexually Abused Online

New Ways Children are being Sexually Abused Online

With Covid the trolls have had a lot of time to develop new ways to target teenagers and children. This article describes how children are being targeted and what parents can do to prevent it. The article provides resources for parents and victims https://gooseberryplanet.com/preventing-a-summer-of-abuse-limiting-ads-to-teens-more/