Having A Safe Halloween

Having A Safe Halloween

Halloween is a holiday most children look forward to every year. However this year Halloween is not something many children are expecting to celebrate because of the pandemic. However, given the fact they have lived through quarantine and having to go to school remotely and many have lost loved ones to the Coronavirus, we should try to help make the holidays fun for them.

This person has ideas so children can celebrate Halloween safety. Parents may want to read the article and try these ideas regarding Halloween. How can we do Halloween safely during Covid-19?
https://www.cnn.com/2020/10/26/health/halloween-safety-covid-19-wellness/index.html

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information regarding Dr. Rubino’s work visit his website at http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple

Dealing with Pandemic Fatigue

Dealing with Pandemic Fatigue

I am hearing more and more children are teenagers complain about they are tired of the pandemic and they want their lives to return to normal. They don’t want to wear a mask anymore and they want to play with their friends. I am also hearing parents also comment about being tired of the Coronavirus pandemic and wondering when our lives will return to normal. We have been dealing with quarantine issues since March so it is understandable that people are getting tired of the pandemic. However, when you look at our current numbers and we are entering the flu season in addition, this is not a time to get tired and give up.

Currently over 215,000 Americans have died from the Coronavirus. Additionally a majority of the states are reporting an increase in the number of Coronavirus cases. The United States is currently reporting 50,000 new cases daily (CDC). This is an increase since August when the number was 40,000 new cases daily still to high. Dr. Fauci and the University of Washington both predict if we continue on our current course another 20,000 Americans will die over the next two weeks and by the end of the year over 400,000 Americans will have died from the Coronavirus pandemic. If you look at these numbers that is a lot of people who are expected to die by December 31, 2020. The Coronavirus will become the second leading cause of death in the United States for the year 2020 (CDC)

If we take a moment and think about that 400,000 number, we can think about who it really represents. If we look at it just as a number it does not mean a lot to most people. However, when we examine the number and who it represents, people start to change their attitudes. This 400,000 represents your parents, your grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, best friends, spouses, coworkers and maybe even your grandchildren, your children and maybe even you. Looking at the number this way, are you prepared to lose multiple members of your family over the next 3 months? You would be losing them during the Holiday Season and since the virus is highly contagious you would not be with them as they die in the hospital. In other words, your loved one will die alone in ICU and you will not be able to have traditional funeral services due to the limitations on how many people can be together at one time. You may even lose multiple family members in one day or the same week. Many people have lost both parents and a spouse within one week (CDC). This is not uncommon and how does a person cope with all that grief at one time?

Part of what is contributing to the Coronavirus fatigue are the conflicting messages we are getting from the White House. The President’s statement that we are rounding the corner is false. When we are reporting 50,000 new cases daily we are in the middle of a pandemic. The vaccine will not be ready until at least April, 2021 and then we don’t know how effective the vaccine will be (CDC, John Hopkins University). The other confusing statement the President continues to promote is that masks and social distancing are not necessary. However at his campaign event is Tulsa without masks and distancing a number of the President’s staff developed the virus and his friend, who started Godfather pizza, developed the virus and died. When the President announced his nomination to the Supreme Court in the Rose Garden, 10 people contracted the virus in addition to the President and the First Lady. Dr. Fauci and other public health experts called the Rose Garden ceremony a super spreader event. The former governor of New Jersey issued a statement saying he was wrong not wearing a mask at the Rose Garden ceremony and he was wrong not to wear a mask while he prepared the President for the debate. The former governor finally stated masks are necessary.

As a way to avoid the Pandemic fatigue we need to ignore what the White House and the President are stating about the Coronavirus. His statements have no basis in fact or reality. As a result, they are confusing and add to our fatigue. We need to listen to Dr. Fauci and the other public health experts. They are not running for political office and have no reason to lie to the public. After all, they are public health experts and have studied their entire lives to help people in situations like a pandemic. Their recommendations are if we continue to wear masks and continue to social distance, we can reduce the amount of people who will die and we can get the virus under control. The more we get the virus under control the sooner we can start to resume some normal activities. However, it is going to take time and we must keep this in mind as we go through each day.

Parents I understand it’s hard when your teenagers are demanding more freedom and you must keep saying no. The best and only option is to be honest with your children and teenagers. Acknowledge their frustration and desire to return to normal. However, you must explain like it or not that masks and social distancing will help all of you get closer to normal again. Since we are still having people come down with the Coronavirus at a significant rate, it’s essential that we abide by the guidelines specified by the public health experts. If we give up now, we will make the quarantine situations last longer. We need to try and look at the situation that the more we comply with the guidelines the closer we get back to normal. In the meantime, every once in a while plan something special for your child keeping in mind the guidelines so you can keep them safe. For example, allow teenagers to hang out with a friend as long as they wear their masks and keep appropriate social distance. This can help your children and teenagers deal with the fatigue. Since we do not know how long this will last, we need to be honest about that fact. This again will help you and your family survive the Coronavirus fatigue. We must remember to take it a day at a time and find ways to destress when possible. If we all work together and respect each other, we can survive the Coronavirus pandemic.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information regarding Dr. Rubino’s work or his private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or on Apple.

Teenage Cutting Increases due to the Pandemic

Teenage Cutting Increases due to the Pandemic

Last year when I was guest co-hosting the Street Soldier radio show on 106.1 KMEL, the topic was how teenagers are impacted by social media. The topic of depression and cutting came up during the conversation. The adults were shocked to hear about cutting and the teens tended to feel the cutting was more of an issue for the girls. However, as a psychotherapist who works with teenagers, I have observed the increase in teenage cutting over the years. I have also observed that a behavior that once was believed to occur mainly in girls is also occurring in teenage boys too. From what I have seen it appears that just as many boys are cutting as girls. I mentioned when I was co-hosting last year before the Coronavirus. Since the Coronavirus pandemic and quarantine the number of teenagers cutting has significantly increased (CDC).

The first question I often receive when I mention cutting is, what is it? Cutting is any behavior that a person engages in with the goal of self-mutilating. Teenagers cut with razors, knifes, paper clips, staples, using erasers or even scratching themselves. These are just a few ways teenagers have found to self-mutilate themselves. Since this is an activity associated with a great deal of guilt and shame, I am sure there are more ways that we have not learned about yet.

Also because cutting is associated with a great deal of guilt and shame our statistics on how many teenagers cut are not entirely accurate. Most recent studies indicate that approximately a third of all teenagers have tried cutting or actively cutting (CDC). If you noticed the research shows a third of all teenagers, which means boys too. I am seeing cutting become more popular with teenagers especially with boys who say they are cutting, have cut or are thinking about it. Therefore, cutting not only occurs in girls but it is occurring in boys too. We need to be aware of the fact that cutting is becoming more popular with teenagers. It is important because cutting can lead to accidental suicide attempts if an artery is cut or permanent damage if nerves in the arm or legs are severely cut. These are things that teenagers and parents don’t think about.

Why do teenagers cut? The reasons I commonly hear is it is easier to deal with the physical pain than the emotional pain they are feeling. Teens who are severally depressed state that cutting reminds them they are alive. They are so depressed that they feel nothing, but when they cut they feel. Also teenagers cut as a way to punish themselves because they are ashamed about something they did or they feel they have let their parents down. Cutting is a way for teenagers to deal with the guilt and shame they are experiencing. It is also a way that they can feel in control of life when their life feels or the world feels out of control or overwhelming.

Since the Coronavirus pandemic many teenagers are feeling overwhelmed and powerless. They also see very little hope for things to improve. As a result, many more teenagers have started cutting since the beginning of the pandemic. It is a way teenagers can try to cope with feeling overwhelmed and powerless due to the pandemic. I have had more teenagers reporting incidents of cutting and more friends who are cutting since the beginning of the pandemic and as the pandemic continues.

If we look at how boys are raised, cutting is a good fit for boys. Most boys grow up learning that boys can’t cry and if you express feelings of sadness or disappointment you are weak. Teenage boys are always supposed to look like life is perfect and they can handle anything without help. Cutting allows them to express sadness, fear or embarrassment in private. No one knows they are cutting or how they are feeling. Unfortunately, this leads to a vicious circle where emotions can get out of control and a boy may end up doing something he never indented to do. The number of boys cutting has increased due to the pandemic because they feel overwhelmed and out of control. There is nothing they can do about the Coronavirus and how their lives have changed due to the Coronavirus.

At this point, most people working with teenagers consider cutting an epidemic. In fact, the CDC does consider teenage cutting to be an epidemic. Additionally, the little research we have about this behavior supports this idea, but we are unable to determine how severe the epidemic is in teenagers. When I mention cutting to a teenager now, they don’t look shocked. Instead they talk about it like we are talking about the weather. They often tell me about friends who are cutting too. Most teens who cut have friends that cut. Most teenage boys who have girlfriends tend to have girlfriends who cut too. As I stated above, the number of teenagers cutting has increased significantly since the Coronavirus pandemic because many teenagers are feeling helpless and overwhelmed by life. No one alive has ever dealt with a pandemic so teenagers feel helpless and hopeless about life. This has been my experience.

Cutting can be a very dangerous behavior and does need to be treated with psychotherapy. If you feel your teen may be cutting, talk to them in an understanding manner. Do not give them any reason to feel guilty or ashamed if they say yes. As I stated above, the teen already feels a great deal of shame and if they feel they will be looked at in a shameful manner or that you will be shocked they will never open up to you. You need to reassure them you love them and you only care about their safety.

I said it needs to be treated with psychotherapy. Find a psychotherapist who specializes in treating teenagers and in treating self-mutilating behavior. If you have to go to someone who is doing teletherapy due to the pandemic that is fine. This is very important because if the therapist acts negatively or shocked, the teenager will shut down and therapy may not work with any other therapist because the teenager now assumes everyone is judging them. I have had teens test me in various ways because of what a previous therapist said about their behavior or what the therapist said to their parents. They need to feel safe and accepted by their therapist if therapy is going to work.

I have included some risk factors and warning signs for you to be aware of in case you think your teen might be cutting:

Risk Factors

Knowledge that friends or acquaintances are cutting

Difficulty expressing feelings

Extreme emotional reactions to minor occurrences (anger or sorrow)

Stressful family events (divorce, death, conflict)

Loss of a friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, or social status

Negative body image

Lack of coping skills

Depression

Warning Signs

Wearing long sleeves during warm weather

Wearing thick wristbands that are never removed

Unexplained marks on body

Secretive or elusive behavior

Spending lengthy periods of time alone

Items that could be used for cutting (knives, scissors, safety pins, razors) are missing.

While this is a scary subject, I have worked with many teens who have overcome this issue. The important thing is as parents you are accepting and non judgmental. Also you need to be aware that this issue does exist. My last point is that boys cut too. Girls are not the only teenagers engaging in this behavior.

Dr. Michael Rubino has over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. He has treated many teenagers who cut and is considered an expert in this area. For more information regarding Dr. Rubino visit his websites www.rcs-ca.com , www.RubinoCounseling.com , or his Facebook page, http://www.Facebook.com/Drrubino3

Teenagers want Parents to Listen

Teenagers want Parents to Listen

Many teenagers report being frustrated with their parents because they feel that their parents do not listen to them. Honestly, they are probably right at times. Most people have poor listening skills. These are not skills we are taught in school or at home. Most people tend to be focusing on how they are going to respond to the person talking rather than completely listening to the other person.

Since this is a common issue, what happens when children and teenagers feel that their parents are not really listening to them? What teenagers have told me is that they feel angry and that their parent does not care about their feelings. When teenagers have these feelings they tend to stop talking to their parents and to act out. When they feel that their parents don’t care, they feel like they have permission to do whatever they want and at times they act out using drugs or not going to school as a way to get their parents attention.

Teenagers may act like they know everything and that they are not afraid of anything or confused about what to do, but this is only an act. They do not know how to handle everything and often feel overwhelmed by life choices. As a result they turn to their parents. However, if their parents are not fully listening they feel hurt and rejected. As teenagers their communication skills and reasoning skills are not fully developed. Therefore, they don’t know how to let their parents know they feel hurt and rejected. They also do not know how to let you know that they feel you are not listening and they need your help. Most teenagers feel saying they need their parents as a sign of weakness. This is because they are not fully mature and they are still children and they need their parents.

For many parents this may come as a shock. It comes as a shock because of how teenagers tend to react to their parents. Again, because teenagers are not fully mature they tend to act like they know everything and don’t need their parents. However, as I stated above teenagers do need and want their parents support. However, due to their immaturity, teenagers act like they don’t need their parents. However, parents need to understand that teenagers are not fully mature yet and their actions do not always match how they are feeling.

With this being said, it is very important that parents listen to their teenagers. However, since communication skills are a problem for most people especially listening skills, I have provided a list of listening skills that parents may want to try. Remember these skills don’t come naturally to most people so it will take a while for you to improve your skills. Also since teenagers can be confusing at times it makes listening even harder at times. In addition to these skills, if you are listening to your teenager, but you are still confused try asking a clarification question. Repeat back what you thought you heard and ask your teenager if you heard them correctly. This shows you are listening, you care and you want to focus on their concerns. This is exactly what teenagers are wanting from you. Here are the skills you may want to try:

1)  Purposefully strive to focus on listening with an open mind, refrain from jumping to conclusions or forming an opinion while your child is talking.

2)  Do not hurry them, listening requires patience.  Wait for your child’s thoughts to take shape  and give time for the words to form and find expression.

3)  Always show respect and courtesy in listening to what your child has to say, no matter how much you may disagree with them.

4)  Your own body language is important, make eye contact and always provide your attentive and undivided attention.

5)  Don’t be thinking about how you will respond as this will take your concentration away from what they are really saying.

6)  Exercise awareness of your child’s nonverbal cues, facial expression, tone of voice, body stance, general mood and attitude.

7)  Don’t interrupt, hear them out and wait for the appropriate opportunity to ask questions.

8)  Always remain calm when listening and never show your personal feelings of anger or disappointment.

9)  Think of listening as personal growth as your children will always have something to say which will help you to grow.

10) Practice active listening with your heart to genuinely empathize with your child. Put yourself in their shoes to genuinely understand their feelings and emotions.

Remember this will take time and effort. However, by trying you are improving your relationship with your teenager and this is a tremendous benefit to you and your teenager if you can improve your relationship. Teenagers are facing a great deal of confusing and dangerous situations in today’s world and they need their parents now more than ever.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information about Dr. Rubino’s work or private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

Children’s Right to Psychotherapy is at Serious Risk

Children’s Right to Psychotherapy is at Serious Risk

Parents our elections are coming up and it is very important that you vote and call your Senators regarding health care. Currently President Trump has several suits in the Courts to eliminate the Affordable Care Act and pre-existing conditions. Yes he signed an Executive Order, but insurance companies do not have to comply with the Order. The Executive Order are only recommendations so insurance companies can and will ignore it. I have been a psychotherapist for over 20 years and I have seen how the Affordable Care Act has benefited thousands of people. Before we had it, many people were denied or could not afford psychotherapy.

Before the ACA, if you had ever taken antidepressants, your insurance could deny to cover psychotherapy for you or require you to pay a very high copayment. I saw this happen many times to patients I was treating prior to the ACA. Depression and anxiety are considered pre-existing conditions. Also in your insurance contact there is a standard clause that if the insurance company wants to see all your medical records you cannot stop them. I had insurance companies make these requests and I checked with numerous attorneys and the answer always was the same. The way the insurance writes their contract, you cannot stop them from getting all your records from the day you were born. If you refuse, they can terminate your insurance coverage. Insurance companies typically will ask for all your records because if you had psychotherapy as a teenager that is a pre-existing condition. Therefore, they can deny to cover your psychotherapy. They could even terminate your health insurance all together.

What if you have children? If you have a child with Autism, ADHD or if they were ever suicidal, your child will not be able to get insurance coverage or the psychotherapy they desperately need. Before the ACA I had many families in this exact situation. Many would automatically terminate therapy. Research now shows if children with these issues receive therapy when they are very young we can improve the outcome for them as adults. However, without the ACA, insurance companies specify these issues as pre-existing conditions and therefore the child is not entitled to psychotherapy. I often provided psychotherapy to these families at a fee they could afford. However, not every therapist can afford to lower their fees and I can only do it for a certain number of families because it cost money to run a business.

This election and these cases before the Courts could have disastrous effects on you and your children if the pre-existing clause is eliminated. The President has stated he will protect the clause, but his actions indicate he will eliminate it if he can. If this clause is eliminated anyone who has dealt with depression or ADHD will not be able to get insurance or if they can the rate will be very high. Remember if the clause is eliminated it will not just stop you or your child from receiving therapy it will also stop you from receiving medical care. So if you develop long haul syndrome after having the Coronavirus, you will not be able to get insurance coverage. The Coronavirus is a pre-existing condition. Another fact is that 1 out of 5 children meet the criteria for a diagnosable mental health issue (CDC). This means 1 out of 5 children have a pre-existing condition. So parents please vote and call Senators and save the pre-existing condition clause. Please do not trust President Trump to do it.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers for more information about Dr. Rubino visit his website at http://www.RubinoCounseling.com

Mental Health Crisis Created by the Coronavirus

Mental Health Crisis Created by the Coronavirus

We have a major mental health crisis coming our way and we are not prepared. Before the Coronavirus pandemic one out of five teenagers met the criteria for a mental health diagnosis and needed psychotherapy (CDC). In addition depression, anxiety and cutting were at epidemic rates for teenagers (CDC). To make matters worse, suicide had been the third leading cause of death for teenagers prior to the pandemic and has been moved from the third to the second leading cause of death for teenagers (CDC). Additionally, African-American teenagers were committing suicide at five times the rate of Caucasian teenagers (CDC). This means prior to the pandemic, we had many teenagers dying due to suicide and the rate has been increasing every year for the past ten years (CDC). In 2018 over 6200 teenagers between 10-18 committed suicide (CDC). If the number of teenagers committing suicide is increasing every year significantly, then how many teenagers committed suicide last year? How many teenagers will attempt or commit suicide this year?

Here are the statistics for teenage mental health prior to the pandemic. We know since the pandemic the number of teenagers reporting depression and anxiety have significantly increased and so have the number of teenage suicides and death due to drug overdoses have increased since the pandemic. I have seen a significant increase in patients calling my office for psychotherapy for their teenagers and children. How are we going to provide all these children and teenagers with psychotherapy? Additionally, many parents are having to stop their child’s psychotherapy because they can no longer afford the copayments. Many parents have lost their jobs or have had their hours cut which reduces their monthly income. Therefore, many parents are having to choose between paying rent and buying food or their child’s therapy. I am willing to make accommodations so the children and teenagers I treat can stay in therapy, however many therapists will not make accommodations. So what happens to all these children who need therapy because the pandemic has exacerbated their mental health issues? Why should parents have to decide between food on the table or therapy for their depressed teenager?

Another fact we cannot overlook is that this week we reached the point where 200,000 Americans have died due to the Coronavirus. This means there are 200,000 families who are grieving. Many children have lost parents and grandparents. Many parents have lost their parents and have lost their child too. The Coronavirus does and has killed children. How do we provide grief counseling to all of the grieving families and friends? With a record number of people out of work order besides finding therapists to help all these family members, how do you provide therapy at an affordable price? If you have a family of four that needs therapy, the monthly cost for therapy will be very expensive. Again people are having to choose between food for the family or therapy for the family.

Another factor impacting the mental health of children and parents is school. Because the President refuses to issue a national mandate regarding masks, children and teenagers are having to attend school remotely. Fourth percent of the parents in our Country have had to adjust their work schedules so there is someone at home to help the children. This has resulted in many parents having to reduce their pay. Again making it difficult to pay the rent and afford food. Additionally, many children and teenagers are becoming very frustrated because the remote learning is not well coordinated and they want to give up on school. This is adding more stress to families who are already over stressed. They are needing psychotherapy to help them, but they cannot afford therapy. Again what are we going to do to help these families?

One final point for this article, we hear that people have and do recover after being diagnosed with the Coronavirus. This is true, however, we have now learned something new about this new virus. A number of people who recover go on to develop what is being to referred to as “long haul syndrome.” People who develop this syndrome have heart palpitations, neurological problems, losing their hair and a condition referred to a brain fog. At this point no one knows how long it will last and who will develop it. It also is creating mental health issues such as depression. These people and their families will require therapy too. Again, how do we provide affordable therapy to these people? Since there is a negative stigma about mental health, we do not have enough therapists in the United States to treat all these people. Right now of course we are looking for a cure to the virus but we have not been paying attention to the collateral damage this virus has caused and how are we going to cope with it. Mental health is a major area, but we have not been paying attention to the mental health issues created by this virus and how are we going to address the mental health needs of the United States.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

IEPs and 504 plans Exist with Remote Schooling Too

IEPs and 504 plans Exist with Remote Schooling Too

While most of the schools in California are using remote learning, it does not mean that Individual Educational Plans (IEP) and 504 plans are obsolete. In fact, due to remote learning and the pandemic many students are experiencing increased problems with learning and need IEPS and 504 plans as a result. Unfortunately I have been contacted by many families who were in the process of having their IEP meetings when the schools shut down suddenly due to the Coronavirus. These families have been contacting the school to finish their child’s IEP, but the district continues to postpone. Additionally, some children who didn’t have difficulties when they were in class are having difficulties with remote learning and increased anxiety due to the Coronavirus. Therefore, parents you are correct when you are asking to have your child’s IEP completed. Legally the school districts must complete a student’s IEP. The pandemic does not allow them to legally abandon IEPs and 504 plans. Also until they finalize the new IEP, the district legally must comply with the existing IEP on file. Furthermore, for parents who have children who need an IEP due to the remote learning or anxiety due to the pandemic, you can still legally request an IEP for your child. Additionally, school districts must comply with the existing IEP guidelines and laws. The pandemic does not allow a school district not to comply with the IEP and 504 laws.

It should be a straight forward process if your child needs an IEP, but many school districts play games with the process because it cost them money. However, they have enough money for IEPs. It comes down to a school districts priorities and how they choose to spend their money. Therefore, don’t be afraid to demand what your child is entitled to.

In order to help you understand how severe the schools play games with the process, here is one family’s experience trying to get their child an IEP and how the school district abused the family. The names have been changed for the family’s privacy. However, this same story happens daily to many families and children. In fact, I have three other families I am currently working with where the school district is doing similar things. Instead of decreasing, it appears the abusive behavior by the school districts is increasing every year. Therefore, parents please read carefully because you never know when you may be facing the same issues.

The story of Tara and her daughter Payton is a common story I have heard many times from families who have children who need an IEP. Prior to the age of 4 years old Payton was diagnosed with a speech and auditory processing difficulties. Payton was behind in her speech developmental milestones and attending preschool to address these issues. However, no one explained to Tara, Payton’s mother, what this diagnosis meant or the prognosis. Neither did anyone explain to Tara about the special education services she was entitled to.

Payton started kindergarten and do to her difficulties she needed to repeat kindergarten. Again, no one explained to Tara, Payton’s mother, how this may impact Payton and they also did not explain any other options, Tara agreed. She was not alarmed because Tara had to repeat kindergarten herself.

However, this started a never ending cycle, where Payton was not meeting the standards for her grade level even when she was receiving Resource Assistance. Tara stated some Resource Teachers were great and others knew very little about auditory processing issues so her daughter received no help.

Tara, watching her daughter struggle, decided to do her own research. She found out more about her daughter’s learning disability and that there was a private school which specialized in this learning disability. Mount Diablo School District continued to lie to Tara as she asked more questions. Also the District went to Payton’s father and lied to him. They told him if Payton’s mother was successfully in getting Payton into the private school, he would have to pay upfront. The District said they would reimburse him later. This is a lie. Also it is not uncommon for the school district to take advantage of a divorce situation and play the parents against each other.

This resulted in a long fight with the school district and in the family court. Payton is in 6th grade and after many years and a great deal of time and money, the fight continues. Mount Diablo School District never looked at the price Payton was paying not receiving the education she is entitled to and having to endure her parents fighting each other in the courts.

This could have been handled very easily if someone was honest with Tara and told her what her daughter was entitled to and if the District followed the legal guidelines. However, they lie to parents all the time hoping parents will give up. If they do, then the District doesn’t need to pay anything and can use the money how they want. Tara was a prime target. A single parent who does not have a lot of time or money. Mount Diablo misjudged Tara, she would not give up on her daughter.

Tara also found out something else parents need to be aware of when dealing with the IEP process. The parent liaisons provided by the district are not there to help the parent or the student. They serve as another way to confuse parents by providing incorrect information to parents. Most parents trust these people believing they are on the student’s side, but they really are there to support the District.

As I said, Tara and Payton’s story is not uncommon. I have worked with many other families who have very similar stories. Also as I stated above, the number of families in these situations are increasing not decreasing. Parents tend to believe school districts have the students best interest at heart. This is how it is suppose to be. However, I have worked with families across the United States and what I have seen is that school districts have their best interest at heart not the students. Tara had a very good way of stating the problem, “the child is the one who struggles for not having their needs met academically”.  How many more parents are out there with struggling students who have been given the same bad information?  I don’t know.  But we need to help them help their child, or these children will be at risk of dropping out and struggling the rest of their lives.  The school district is actually helping create children who are unable to get jobs and will be unable to afford decent housing when they become adults.  And that is a very very scary reality, no one wants to talk about it because it’s not their child who is at risk. However, it could very easily be your child. What do you do then?

Parents need to come together and demand that their children be provided the accommodations they are entitled to. Look up the educational law so you are aware of the appropriate procedure and accommodations. Also do not be embarrassed for standing up for your child’s rights. You are just being a good parent. The school districts need to look at how they are treating children. Also when it comes time to elect the school board, research the candidates and elect those who have a history which demonstrates they truly care about children.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating teenagers and children. In addition he has over 20 years experience serving as an IEP advocate for families. For more information about Dr. Rubino’s work or private practice visit his websites www.RubinoCounseling.com or www.LucasCenter.org or listen to my podcast Understanding Today’s Teenagers on Spotify and Apple.

How Many People Need to Die?

How Many People Need to Die?

Schools and colleges are back in session and in college towns we are seeing an increase in the number of college students and people with the Coronavirus. As of today we also have over 500,000 children diagnosed with the Coronavirus. A 16% increase since schools have resumed (CDC). The White House said children could return to school and colleges could open safely. Obviously this is not the truth. The White House also say we are turning a corner with the Coronavirus and we are getting it under control. However, over 6 million Americans have the Coronavirus and over 190,000 have died and we have a thousand people dying daily (CDC). According to the University of Washington if we continue on our current course over 400,000 Americans by the end of the year will die. Also the White House states we will have a vaccine by the end of the year or even maybe by November 3, 2020. Neither one is realistic. Even if by magic we have a vaccine by the end of the year, we need to find a way of storing a vaccine that requires sub zero temperatures and who gets the vaccine? In addition to these facts, what about the long haul syndrome many people are developing after they had the Coronavirus? We are just learning about it so we still don’t totally understand the Coronavirus.

Let’s turn back to the College students. When an 18 year old goes away to College they are finally on their own and can make their own decisions. They want to have fun with their friends. Let’s examine what College students experience. They are away from home and friends. Therefore, their lives consist of going to class and doing their homework. Besides that they have nothing els to do. They are feeling lonely and craving interaction with other people. Therefore, they develop friends and they want to and need to spend time with their friends and roommates. They need the social activity. Without the social interaction, they feel lonely, isolated and depressed. Therefore, sending 18 year old students to college and expecting them not to socialize is crazy. Also remember their brains are not fully developed and able to make mature, rational decisions until they are 25 years old. These students are already feeling lonely and bored and many college towns are allowing bars to stay open. We are encouraging these students to party and spread the Coronavirus. With all the temptations in college towns, why are we surprised that they are not following guidelines and not socializing?

Another option for College students would be for them to stay at home and go to school remotely. Many colleges are having students live in the dorms and going to class remotely. Therefore, why can’t they stay at home and attend remotely? They would have the support system of their families and close friends. Their parents could help encourage them to not go to parties and wear masks when they leave the house. Yes the college losing the money they earn on the dorms and the White House feels it looks bad for them. However, are we more concerned about saving lives or making money for colleges and making the White House look good?

Another factor we need to consider is that we are entering the flu season. We already have 500,000 elementary students with the Coronavirus and we have an increase in the rates in the Coronavirus in College towns. How are physicians supposed to determine the difference between the flu and the Coronavirus? We don’t have a rapid Coronavirus test. People who take the current Coronavirus tests often don’t get their results for 10 days which is too late. This generation of children and teenagers are aware of the news and what is occurring in the world. Due to their smartphones and instant access to the internet, they know they virus is not under control. They are afraid of dying from the virus. I have very few children and teenagers that I provide psychotherapy for who like remote learning. However, they prefer remote learning than being exposed to the virus. They see how many people are dying and they are afraid that they will catch the virus. They ask me over and over, why won’t people wear masks? School children are looking at adults and the White House pretend that the virus is under control and refuse to address it. So they ask, why? It is a valid question, why won’t the White House admit how serious the Coronavirus is and why do some adults ignore the fact that we are living in the middle of a pandemic?

Therefore, I am asking the question for all the children, teenagers and college students that I treat? How many people have to die before the President starts to seriously address the Coronavirus? Why do we have to wear a mask and miss parties, when the President doesn’t? Remember the party he had on the lawn of the White House when he accepted the Republican Nomination. The President didn’t miss his party, but children have had to miss their birthday parties this year and many have seen grandparents die. So how do we answer the children? How many people have to die before our President provides a national prevention program for the Coronavirus?

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information about Dr. Rubino visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

Teenagers Playing a Deadly Game with Benadryl

Teenagers Playing a Deadly Game with Benadryl

Teenagers will find ways to get high because they believe that it is fun. However, many teenagers are not aware that the ways they are choosing to get high can cause serious health risks even death. Teenagers were using the cough medicine, Robitussin, because it contains DMX an provides an easy high. Well teenagers are now using another allergy medication. Teenagers are now using the medication Benadryl made by Johnson and Johnson.

Many parents are familiar with Benadryl. It is a common medication pediatricians prescribe to parents when their children have allergies. This medication is considered safe for young children and parents can purchase it over the counter. Additionally, many pediatricians suggest that parents use this medication when children are having difficulties sleeping. Besides being a safe allergy medication for young children, it also has a tendency to make children and adults drowsy. Most people fall asleep after taking Benadryl.

Now the app TikTok has found away to abuse this medication. People who use TikTok have issued a challenge to other TikTok users. The challenge is to take as many Benadryl pills as they can so they start hallucinating and experience a high. Therefore, we have teenagers across the country taking dozens of Benadryl pills. Teenagers are able to get Benadryl easy because it is sold over the counter and is considered a safe allergy medication by most people. Therefore, most parents won’t suspect anything if their teenager tells them they are taking Benadryl for their allergies.

However this challenge posted on TikTok is dangerous and deadly. Johnson and Johnson has stated that Benadryl was not designed with the intention of taking dozens of Benadryl pills at a time. At this point a 15 year old girl has died from taking too many Benadryl pills. Additionally, three 15 year old teenage girls in Fort Worth, Texas are in the hospital because they took too many Benadryl pills. Johnson and Johnson has stated that if you take to much Benadryl it can cause seizures and serious heart problems. The company has the guidelines on the bottle regarding what is an appropriate dosage of Benadryl for different ages and weights. Johnson and Johnson is warning parents about this TikTok challenge so parents can address it with their teenagers.

Parents TikTok is very popular with teenagers right now. Teenagers are not thinking about how dangerous this challenge can be and that people can die. If your teenager uses TikTok discuss this challenge with them and watch to see if your teenager has any Benadryl. If they use TikTok and have Benadryl take the medication away from them. You may be saving their lives.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or on Apple.

Teenagers Need to Know They are Important

Teenagers Need to Know They are Important

I have many teenagers who see me for therapy believing that no one loves them and that they are worthless. They tell me their parents don’t love them, their siblings don’t care about them and no one at school cares about them. They feel they are unloveable and no one cares if they live or die. Because they have this belief, they don’t care about themselves. They don’t care how they are doing in school and they see no future for themselves. As a result they don’t care what happens to them either.

There are many reasons why children have this feeling about themselves. For some their parents were drug addicts, for some were sexually or physically abused, some have gone from foster home to foster home their entire lives. As a result, they see no hope and no future for themselves. The most important point is not why teenagers have developed this attitude about themselves, it’s that they have this attitude. We need to look at what this belief will do to these teenagers and their lives.

Many teenagers who feel unlovable turn to drugs or alcohol to numb these feelings. Some turn to self-mutilating behaviors, such as cutting, again as a way to numb these feelings or as a way of punishing themselves. Often teenagers become sexually active at an very early age. They equate sex with love. Also many of these teens become involved with gangs and bullying. The gangs serve as a psedufamily for the teenagers. In fact, gangs consider their members as family members. Bullying is another way teens numb out their pain. They believe by making someone else look weak that it makes them look strong and people will respect them and love them. Also they can it is a way they feel they can hide from other that they feel worthless.

The above stated behaviors are a few ways that teenagers deal with feeling unlovable. However, the number of teenagers who feel this way are creating numerous problems for everyone. As a result of teens feeling unlovable, we have a severe drug problem in the teenage population. Teenagers are dying from accidental drug over dosages at an epidemic rate. According to the CDC the number of teens using drugs, such as heroin and meth, is at an epidemic rate. Cutting, suicide and being murdered are all at epidemic rates for teenagers (CDC). All because many of them don’t feel loved.

We are receiving this message in many ways that teenagers need to feel loved. In Disney’s movie, Frozen, they mention that people make poor choices and do hurtful things because they feel unloved. The movie goes further to say that if people feel loved you would be amazed at how they can change. Oprah in her last show commented on one thing she had learned from her show was that everyone wants to know that they are important to someone and that someone sees them and cares about what they say and do. Challenge Day, a program designed to work with teenagers, believes all teens deserve to feel loved and cared for by people. I have worked with Challenge Day and I am amazed every time that this big, tough teenager ends up crying on the floor when he realizes that someone cares. Teenagers are trying very hard to let us know they need to be loved when they act out. I have teenagers telling me they are willing to take a chance of overdosing just so they can escape the pain of feeling abandoned and unloved. It is heartbreaking to hear a teen tell you this as they try to hide the fact that they are crying.

We know love makes a difference to many people so why not teenagers? The teenagers I work with don’t really want to be the tough guy. They want to know that they are loved. When I tell a teen I’m working with in therapy that they deserve to be loved, they think I’m crazy. They test me in numerous ways to get me to throw them out of my office. They are testing the point I made that they are lovable. They try everything they can think of to prove me wrong. However, in reality they are hoping to fail and prove that I am right that they are lovable. So, I hold strong and tell them I won’t change my mind and I will not give up. I will not throw them out of therapy. If they decide to walk out that is their choice and I can’t stop it, but I will not throw them out because I know they are worthy of being loved. I also let them know if they do walk out that my door will always be opened to them.

After testing me, many of these teens decide they are worth it and decide to make a future for themselves. It is amazing to see and it is very nice to see. However, there are those teenagers who walk out and that is very disappointing. It’s not disappointing because I lost it is disappointing because the teenager will continue to live in pain.

The main point is that Challenge Day, Alive and Free (another program for teens) and other therapists like myself cannot be the only ones trying to help teenagers. We need everyone to help. Parents, teachers, physicians, psychotherapists, the juvenile justice system and our communities. We need to let children know from the day that they are born that they deserve to be loved and that they are important members of our society. We cannot continue to wait until these children are teenagers to tell them they are lovable. Waiting until they are teenagers may be too late and the teen may not believe you. If we start when they are babies, they will grow up with a sense that they are important and deserved to be loved. This could help reduce how many teens turn to drugs or violence.

So, think about how you can show a teenager that they deserve to be loved and that they are important. If everyone starts with one teenager, you would be surprised the changes we can make in someone’s life and the world.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist who specializes in treating children and teenagers. He has over 20 years experience treating teenagers. If you want more information about Dr. Rubino visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.facebook.com/drrubino3.