Raising Children without Prejudice

Raising Children without Prejudice

The murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis has created a number of protests, conversations and people using his death as an excuse to commit crimes and cause damage. What I want to focus on is that his murder has shined a spotlight on the fact that Black Americans and other minorities are not treated equally in the United States. An issue we have ignored for a long time. Unfortunately, Mr. Floyd’s death gives us a chance to change this fact. It also provides us a chance to change how children are raised in the United States so hopefully we can eliminate prejudice regarding race, religion, sexual orientation, physical disabilities, mental health issues and financial status just to name a few issues.

Some people may ask who am I to address this issue. I am a white man, who has a physical disability, but my status of being white provided me the chance to an excellent education, I was able to go to the best schools, and I was able to earn a doctorate degree. It also gave me the opportunity to open my own business, live in a nice home in a nice neighborhood, to have very nice clothes, a nice car and plenty of food to eat. Additionally, I have access to excellent medical care when I need it. Therefore, being white and working hard has provided me with a number of advantages. The way my family raised me and what I was taught by the Christian Brothers is the more you know the more you owe. In other words, since I was fortunate enough to have all these advantages, I have an obligation to speak out for all those people who are not as fortunate as me. Something I am able to do because I am white. Because I am white with a doctorate degree people are more willing to listen to me than a Black man on the ground saying he cannot breathe.

A Black man made a YouTube video about who he is as a person. Please take the time to watch this video by this black man. As he describes himself, I do not see a big difference between him as a person and myself except he is black. The color of his skin should not make a difference in how I treat this man, in my opinion. Watch it for yourself and see what you think https://youtu.be/oGu_xGBekpo.

In order to address some of the issues people are protesting about those of us who have the privilege and power, we need to look at ourselves and how we have benefited from the privilege and power we were born into. As a result of this power, we have the ability to try to change the way things work in the United States so everyone is treated fairly. Being treated fairly means treating people for who they are not based on race, religion, sexual orientation or physical disability or mental health issues. Michael Jackson said it perfectly, in my opinion, in his song, “The Man in the Mirror.” He describes how the privileged act and how we discriminate against and ignore minorities, the poor and those with disabilities. His challenge to us is do we have the courage to look at ourselves and make real changes so everyone is treated equally. I have included a link to the lyrics of that song. Please review them and look at how they apply to today’s world and ask yourself do you have the courage to really change yourself? https://youtu.be/j2mJZwOMLdQ.

After we have made the appropriate changes then we can teach our children not to discriminate and to treat everyone fairly. Yes, it’s seems impossible, but this is the United States. If enough of us decide to make these changes and work together, we can make these changes. Or maybe we need to let the children teach us. A year ago a video went viral of two preschoolers who were best friends and not afraid to hug each other. They did not care that one boy was white and the other was black. They did not care because they were not yet taught about prejudice and discrimination. I have included the link to that video too https://youtu.be/M68evpsDC8M. These two boys are very happy and very good friends. Wouldn’t it be nice if as adults we could be so nice to each other? Maybe we need to watch the innocent children so we can learn how to unlearn the prejudice thoughts that we have all been raised with by our society. When I see we I mean we. Whites, blacks, hispanics, asians, rich people, poor people, educated and uneducated people, we all have our prejudices and ways we discriminate against each other. However, in order for us to really make a change, white people need to take the first step because we have the majority of the power. However, if we are going to make a permanent change, black people, hispanic people and asian people need to take steps at the same time. We all need to work together if we want our children to have better lives and not have to continue to live with prejudices and discrimination.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information about Dr. Rubino visit his website http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

What’s Next?

What’s Next?

The quarantine has caused financial and emotional problems for many people. It has disrupted what we consider normal life and many people do not see an end in site. As a result, many people have been demanding and demonstrating that the quarantines in all the states end so they can resume their lives. The President has been leading people to believe that this is a very easy task. However, reopening the economy is not as easy as the President or as many people may think it will be. The medical professionals have stated we are moving too fast and we need to listen to the medical experts who study viruses not the President.

We still have people contracting the virus and dying from the virus at an alarming rate. Los Angeles County reported a significant increase in deaths due to the virus over the weekend. New models just released expect that towards the end of May and the beginning of June we will see another significant increase in the number of people dying from the virus and contracting it.

Yes having to shelter in place is boring and it is costing people their jobs. Therefore, we have people worrying about how they will pay their bills and we have people who are becoming depressed and anxious due to not being able to leave the house. They feel that once the quarantine is lifted everything will be alright, but will it?

After the quarantine, what’s next? We cannot resume life as normal because we are still dealing with the virus. Therefore, we will need to wear masks and maintain social distancing requirements. As a result, we will not be able to attend movies or concerts. Restaurants will not be the same either due to social distancing requirements. Children and teenagers will not be able to attend school in the same manner and our work environments will change significantly too.

Now the quarantine and worry about contracting the virus has already placed a great deal of stress on many people. There now will be people who will be afraid of leaving the house because they are afraid of catching the virus. Besides these people, other people will be feeling stressed and depressed due to all the changes needed to open the economy. They were hoping to return to their lives and they will find out that they have to adjust to an entirely new lifestyle.

In addition to these changes, we will still be facing the issue of needing to take precautions so we do not catch the virus and we will still be worrying about family members who are at high risk due to age or other health underlying health conditions getting the virus. Additionally, we will continue to have family members who contract the virus and die. Just because we open the economy doesn’t mean people won’t be catching the virus and dying. Also it does not mean the economy will return to normal and people will be able to find new jobs. If restaurants are only allowed to operate at 25% capacity and tables need to be six feet apart in addition to having to use disposable menus, would you want to go to a restaurant under those conditions? The answer is most likely no. Therefore, since business will be down in numerous industries, no one will be hiring and people still will be worrying about paying the bills.

As a result of working with trauma victims for over 20 years, I understand the first impulse is to try to resume living your daily life as soon as possible so you feel a sense of control over your life that was taken from you. We have all been traumatized by the Coronavirus. We are the United States and we can handle anything. However, the Coronavirus has turned the tables on us. We are not in control, the virus is in control.

So what’s next? We listen to the medical professionals and we follow their advice. We have made some progress getting a handle on the virus. However, if we move to fast, the virus will come back and many more people will become sick and die. The President is not allowing the professionals to speak out because it is not good for his image. For those of you who say this is wrong, when there was a cruise ship in the San Francisco Bay waiting to dock, the President stood outside the CDC and said, “I don’t want it to dock because the increased numbers don’t look good for me”. We need to consider what is best for the entire country not just the President.

Therefore, as difficult as it maybe, we need to listen to the medical and mental health experts and develop a safe plan to reopen the country. A plan which will minimize the number of people who will become ill and a plan that addresses the mental health issues that will be triggered and exacerbated by reopening the economy.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children, teenagers and trauma victims. For more information about Dr. Rubino visit his website at www. RubinoCounseling or his Facebook page at http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

How Much Screen Time is Appropriate before Bed?

How Much Screen Time is Appropriate before Bed?

How much time a child or teenager spends on electronics is always a big debate between parents and their children. Many teenagers act like they cannot live without them. Also teenagers tend to argue there are no negative side effects to computer screens. Many parent feel differently and have research to back up their point of view. However, most teenagers dismiss their parents opinions and they feel their parents are overreacting.

One of the major concerns parents have is what do electronics do to a child’s sleep. Many parents feel if a child or teen uses electronics up until the time they go to bed, the child will have a hard time getting to sleep and staying asleep. By the way, parents are correct based on all the research in this area. Parents also are concerned about teenagers watching YouTube or texting on their phones until 3 or 4am in the morning and then being to tired the next day for school or anything.

During the quarantine this probably has become a bigger issue in some households because kids don’t need to get up for school. I have written previous articles recommending that electronics be limited and definitely not before bedtime. I did some more research in this area and found the following information by Lori Lite maybe helpful in determining how much screen time is appropriate before bed. She runs a program and website regarding helping kids to relax and control anger.

First let’s start by looking at how electronics impact children and teenagers brains. Electronics, and especially screens, can be stimulating. While that might be a good thing during the day, it’s not at night when it’s time for kids to sleep.

Part of the stimulation from electronic screen time is from the blue wave light that comes from screens. During the day, many things stimulate our brains, and blue wave light is one of them. But at night, blue wave light exposure sends a signal to the brain that it’s daytime. When exposed to blue wave light, children may struggle to wind down and begin the process of falling asleep.

Besides the effects of blue wave light, screen time affects sleep if children become stimulated having conversations over the phone or text, playing games, or engaging in social media. Video games or movies might include disturbing themes or images that will affect sleep and emotional health.

How to Manage Screen Time for Better Sleep

Your pediatrician may have their thoughts about how screen time affects sleep Limiting screen time mostly to daytime hours is best. Blue wave light exposure during the day isn’t as problematic as nighttime exposure. And stimulation from screens during the day is normal.

As parents, it’s essential to set clear rules on screen time use. A good rule of thumb is to avoid screen time at least 2 hours before bedtime. Encourage kids to engage in other relaxing evening activities during that time as part of a healthy bedtime routine. They can read a book, work on a puzzle while listening to relaxation music, and get ready for the next day. The other rule parents should enforce is to avoid screen use in your child’s bedroom. Their bedroom should be an environment devoted to sleep and relaxation, and when you bring screens into it they may be tempted to engage rather than sleep).

Another factor to consider is how screen time has replaced play time in some households. Kids who are using screens for many hours a day may be sedentary while they do so. Activity and exercise are a part of a healthy lifestyle, as they reinforce a circadian rhythm that’s in sync with the environment and allow kids to be tired when it’s time for bed.

Screens have become a part of everyday life and are an important tool for kids and adults. It’s imperative for parents to show their children the proper way to use screens without negatively affecting their lives. Take the lead to demonstrate responsible use so children can enjoy screen time as well as a good night’s sleep.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Try Looking at the Quarantine as a Gift

Try Looking at the Quarantine as a Gift

Many people are tired of being quarantined and demanding that the quarantine be ended. However, medical experts argue that it is too soon. They have stated if we are not careful with the virus there will be a worse wave during the winter and eventually 70% of the people in the United States could contract the virus. While the medical facts are being debated, we can look at and take advantage of the opportunities provided by the quarantine.

Yes, I am not crazy, the quarantine does offer us some great opportunities. Typically we most of us live in a very fast past, chaotic lifestyle. Many times when I try to schedule a psychotherapy appointment for a ten year old child, it is very difficult. Between school, homework and after school sports, most kids are on at least two teams, we can barely find time to schedule a psychotherapy appointment. Now with the quarantine in place we can all take a break and slow down. We can also look at what we have been missing.

A major area to evaluate is your family. Prior to the quarantine, an average family of four did not eat dinner together and spent very little time together. Parents typically saw their children either when they were driving them to school or to practice for a sport. Also spouses often saw each other in the morning on the way out to work and in the evening when they were going to bed. It was not uncommon to hear the primary way that a married couple communicated was via text and email. This communication pattern often extended to their teenagers too.

I have heard from many families that because of the quarantine they have time to talk to each other. So take advantage of this time have game nights, movie nights and reconnect to your children and spouse. Amazon sells games which provide the beginning of a sentence and then the person must finish it. Children and teenagers love this game and it’s a great way to reconnect and find out what is going on in their lives. Also if you look at my Facebook site I have posted several handouts that do the same thing. You and your spouse can do this at a separate time so the two of you can reconnect. Hopefully you will see what you have been missing and make it a routine. So when the quarantine is ended, you could dedicate at least one night where the entire family has dinner together and you spend the evening together playing a game or talking.

Besides reconnecting with your family, you can try to reconnect with friends and extended family. Use your phone to call someone and see how they are doing and what has been going on in their lives. You can use FaceTime or Zoom so it feels more personal. Post on your Facebook page that you want to reconnect and encourage people to message you or call. We spend so much time working, many of us find it very difficult to spend time with friends or extended family. The quarantine gives us that time. Therefore, make the most of it. Typically if you were at home for a week it would be because you are sick. If you are sick, you won’t feel like reaching out to others. The quarantine gives you plenty of time to reach out to others. Therefore, take advantage of the time you have been given.

Finally, you can use this time to re-evaluate your life and how you are spending your time. Are you doing what you really want to do? Do you find you enjoy family time and time with friends? Are you satisfied with your job? Is there a hobby you want to start or try? These are all things you now have time to think about. You may find you are very happy with your life prior to the quarantine or you may decide there are some changes you want to make. If you are not content with how you are living your life, this can lead to depression, drinking problems, gambling addictions, anything to take your mind off the fact that you are not happy. The quarantine gives you time to decide if you are happy or not and if not what you want to do about it. Therefore, my recommendation to people is stop complaining about the quarantine and make use of the time you have been given. Yes the quarantine is boring, but it is necessary for our health. This may help us understand our children and teenagers when we say no to them. Therefore, look at this time as a gift and re-evaluate your life. Take advantage of this time. It maybe the best thing you have ever done for yourself and family.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children, teenagers and victims of trauma. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Teenagers reactions to being quarantined

Teenagers reactions to being quarantined

The Coronavirus and quarantine are difficult on everyone and are scaring a lot of people. Besides learning how the virus works and is spread, we have learned that it impacts people’s mental health and so does the quarantine. The quarantine has exacerbated symptoms in people dealing with various mental health issues and has made many people depressed or anxious who are under quarantine. When you think about the situation, it is no big surprise that people are becoming depressed or anxious. However, one age group is at a higher risk for mental health issues due to the quarantine and that group are teenagers.

Teenagers are use to feeling in control of the environment. When they do not feel in control it can cause mental health issues. The quarantine is taking away their sense of control. Furthermore, we have no specific answers to give teenagers. This creates anxiety and exacerbates anxiety in teenagers who already suffer from anxiety. At this age teenagers have a very difficult time tolerating uncertainty. Remember, the prefrontal cortex of the brain which is responsible for reasoning skills is not fully developed in teenagers yet. Therefore, they are more likely to act impulsively rather than try to reason out a healthy way for them to tolerate what they are feeling.

Before the virus, depression, anxiety, cutting, vaping and suicide were at epidemic rates for children 10 years old to 18 years old. Since the quarantine, the rates have naturally increased. Every teen I deal with is feeling helpless, depressed and anxious. They are asking for answers when they can resume their normal lives. They are even asking when they can return to school. This is not a question you expect from most kids or teenagers. Usually, they want to know when the next school holiday is going to occur. By asking to return to school this is a definite indication that children and teenagers are desperate to resume their normal lives.

Since they cannot resume their normal lives this is putting teenagers who have mental health issues and other teenagers at engaging in risky behavior so they feel in control and normal. One behavior to watch for is cutting. This is when a teenager uses a knife, scissors, paperclips or even erasers to cut or scratch themselves. The wrist is a typical place to cut but teens also cut their stomachs, legs and inside of their thighs. These areas are less noticeable. If your teenager is spending a great deal of time in their room and you are noticing attitude changes and evasive answers about what they are doing, they may be cutting.

Another behavior they may be resorting to is vaping. This is particularly dangerous because their is a pneumonia which is attacking kids who are vaping and we don’t have a cure for it yet. The virus also attacks the lungs. Therefore, if a teenager is vaping and develops the pneumonia associated with vaping and contract the virus, the combination most likely would be deadly. Again teenagers spending a great deal of time in there rooms with the window slightly open could be a sign of vaping.

Another possible issue is the common one of drinking alcohol. They may have a stash in their room or they may be stealing it from the house. Most parents should be able to spot the signs of a teenager who has had too much to drink.

Finally, any teenager who has mental health issues could be regressing to old behaviors. Therefore, they may becoming suicidal or those with eating disorders could be purging again. If your teen has regressed or has developed new behaviors, approach them with an empathetic mood. They are regressing because they are afraid and feel out of control. If you make them feel guilty, they will regress more. At this time they need your support and to feel that someone is in control of the situation.

These are a few examples of how the virus and quarantine can impact children and teenagers at this time. We know the quarantine can exacerbate existing issues or create new ones. Also for those who do contract the virus research is showing there is a mental health component. Bottom line, if you feel your child or teenager has regressed to old behaviors or they have developed new behaviors seek professional help immediately. Some psychotherapy offices are open for sessions in the office or many therapists are doing video sessions. Research is showing that video sessions are effective and if your teenager is cutting you cannot wait until the quarantine is lifted. Interview the therapist throughly but get your teenager into therapy as soon as you can.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children, teenagers and victims of trauma such as rape or earthquakes. For more information regarding Dr. Rubino please visit his website www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Coping with Mental Health Issues Created by the Coronavirus

Coping with Mental Health Issues Created by the Coronavirus

The fear of contracting the coronavirus and the fear of the unknown consequences if you do contract the virus is placing many people under a great deal of stress. In addition to the fear of contracting the virus, many worry about transmitting the virus to family members over 65 or family members who have preexisting medical conditions. Adding to this stress is the fact that you may have the virus and not have any symptoms. Therefore, you may have the virus, feel fine and be transmitting the virus to numerous people because you are unaware that you have the virus. Normally, people could be tested to find out if they have a virus or medical condition that is contagious. However, in the situation we are currently in, we do not have the option of getting tested for the virus. Therefore, you have to live with the uncertainty.

Besides the worry and stress about contracting the coronavirus, we also must deal with the quarantine. Our everyday lives have been turned upside down. Many of us are not able to see loved ones and friends like we usually would do. Furthermore, many people cannot work and are worrying about how they are going to pay their bills and buy food. This is another stressor for us and that is food. Many of us are going to grocery stores finding the shelves empty. People are hoarding food even toilet paper because they are afraid stores may close or stores will not be able to get merchandise anymore. Finally, being stuck living with the same people day after day without a break from each other causes stress and arguments.

The Mayo Clinic has been studying the impact that the virus and quarantine have on us and our mental health. Here is what they found:

Stress is a normal psychological and physical reaction to the demands of life. Everyone reacts differently to difficult situations, and it’s normal to feel stress and worry during a crisis. But multiple challenges daily, such as the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic, can push you beyond your ability to cope.

Many people may have mental health concerns, such as symptoms of anxiety and depression during this time. And feelings may change over time.

Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling helpless, sad, angry, irritable, hopeless, anxious or afraid. You may have trouble concentrating on typical tasks, changes in appetite, body aches and pains, or difficulty sleeping or you may struggle to face routine chores.

When these signs and symptoms last for several days in a row, make you miserable and cause problems in your daily life so that you find it hard to carry out normal responsibilities, it’s time to ask for help.

Get help when you need it

Hoping mental health problems such as anxiety or depression will go away on their own can lead to worsening symptoms. If you have concerns or if you experience worsening of mental health symptoms, ask for help when you need it, and be upfront about how you’re doing. To get help you may want to:

• Call or use social media to contact a close friend or loved one — even though it may be hard to talk about your feelings.

• Contact a minister, spiritual leader or someone in your faith community.

• Contact your employee assistance program, if your employer has one, and get counseling or ask for a referral to a mental health professional.

• Call your primary care provider or mental health professional to ask about appointment options to talk about your anxiety or depression and get advice and guidance. Some may provide the option of phone, video or online appointments.

• Contact organizations such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) or the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for help and guidance.

If you’re feeling suicidal or thinking of hurting yourself, seek help. Contact your primary care provider or a mental health professional. Or call a suicide hotline. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) or use its webchat at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat.

Continue your self-care strategies

You can expect your current strong feelings to fade when the pandemic is over, but stress won’t disappear from your life when the health crisis of COVID-19 ends. Continue these self-care practices to take care of your mental health and increase your ability to cope with life’s ongoing challenges.

In addition to the facts above, people who have the virus have been reporting feeling anxious and depressed. They have also reported the virus has impaired their ability to make decisions. The bottom line the virus is creating mental health issues for those dealing with the quarantine, first responders, medical personnel and people with the virus. We are focusing on getting the virus under control which we must do. However, after we get control of the virus, we will need to address the mental health issues created by this pandemic. At this point, we have no idea how many will need mental health care and for how long. Therefore, as we focus on finding a cure, we may want to start to prepare for the mental health issues which will occur after the quarantine.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating trauma victims and teenagers. For more information about his work or his private practice visit his website www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Coping with Mental Health Issues Created by the Coronavirus

Coping with Mental Health Issues Created by the Coronavirus

The fear of contracting the coronavirus and the fear of the unknown consequences if you do contract the virus is placing many people under a great deal of stress. In addition to the fear of contracting the virus, many worry about transmitting the virus to family members over 65 or family members who have preexisting medical conditions. Adding to this stress is the fact that you may have the virus and not have any symptoms. Therefore, you may have the virus, feel fine and be transmitting the virus to numerous people because you are unaware that you have the virus. Normally, people could be tested to find out if they have a virus or medical condition that is contagious. However, in the situation we are currently in, we do not have the option of getting tested for the virus. Therefore, you have to live with the uncertainty.

Besides the worry and stress about contracting the coronavirus, we also must deal with the quarantine. Our everyday lives have been turned upside down. Many of us are not able to see loved ones and friends like we usually would do. Furthermore, many people cannot work and are worrying about how they are going to pay their bills and buy food. This is another stressor for us and that is food. Many of us are going to grocery stores finding the shelves empty. People are hoarding food even toilet paper because they are afraid stores may close or stores will not be able to get merchandise anymore. Finally, being stuck living with the same people day after day without a break from each other causes stress and arguments.

The Mayo Clinic has been studying the impact that the virus and quarantine have on us and our mental health. Here is what they found:

Stress is a normal psychological and physical reaction to the demands of life. Everyone reacts differently to difficult situations, and it’s normal to feel stress and worry during a crisis. But multiple challenges daily, such as the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic, can push you beyond your ability to cope.

Many people may have mental health concerns, such as symptoms of anxiety and depression during this time. And feelings may change over time.

Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling helpless, sad, angry, irritable, hopeless, anxious or afraid. You may have trouble concentrating on typical tasks, changes in appetite, body aches and pains, or difficulty sleeping or you may struggle to face routine chores.

When these signs and symptoms last for several days in a row, make you miserable and cause problems in your daily life so that you find it hard to carry out normal responsibilities, it’s time to ask for help.

Get help when you need it

Hoping mental health problems such as anxiety or depression will go away on their own can lead to worsening symptoms. If you have concerns or if you experience worsening of mental health symptoms, ask for help when you need it, and be upfront about how you’re doing. To get help you may want to:

• Call or use social media to contact a close friend or loved one — even though it may be hard to talk about your feelings.

• Contact a minister, spiritual leader or someone in your faith community.

• Contact your employee assistance program, if your employer has one, and get counseling or ask for a referral to a mental health professional.

• Call your primary care provider or mental health professional to ask about appointment options to talk about your anxiety or depression and get advice and guidance. Some may provide the option of phone, video or online appointments.

• Contact organizations such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) or the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for help and guidance.

If you’re feeling suicidal or thinking of hurting yourself, seek help. Contact your primary care provider or a mental health professional. Or call a suicide hotline. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) or use its webchat at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat.

Continue your self-care strategies

You can expect your current strong feelings to fade when the pandemic is over, but stress won’t disappear from your life when the health crisis of COVID-19 ends. Continue these self-care practices to take care of your mental health and increase your ability to cope with life’s ongoing challenges.

In addition to the facts above, people who have the virus have been reporting feeling anxious and depressed. They have also reported the virus has impaired their ability to make decisions. The bottom line the virus is creating mental health issues for those dealing with the quarantine, first responders, medical personnel and people with the virus. We are focusing on getting the virus under control which we must do. However, after we get control of the virus, we will need to address the mental health issues created by this pandemic. At this point, we have no idea how many will need mental health care and for how long. Therefore, as we focus on finding a cure, we may want to start to prepare for the mental health issues which will occur after the quarantine.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating trauma victims and teenagers. For more information about his work or his private practice visit his website www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Guns Will Not Cure the Coronavirus

Guns Will Not Cure the Coronavirus

Being under quarantine can be a very stressful and scary situation. It has changed all of our daily routines plus we have no idea how long the quarantine will last and how many people will become sick or die. The last time our country experienced anything similar to this was the Spanish flu in 1918. Therefore, no one has any experience with a pandemic since the last one was in 1918 and most of us were not a live at that time.

As a result, of fear and no one being able to answer how long this will continue, people are hoarding. If you go to the grocery store bleach, Kleenex and toilet paper cannot be kept on the shelves. Stores are having to limit how many bottles of bleach or packages of toilet paper people can buy at one time. This hoarding will not stop you from getting the coronavirus, but it does add to the hysteria. People watch the news and see the empty shelves so when they go to the store they also start hoarding. They are afraid with all the empty shelves that they may not be able to buy what they need in the future. Additional hysteria is not what we need right now.

This hysteria is increasing anxiety in children too. They see the news and hear people talking about not being able to buy toilet paper in addition to hearing this week that all schools are closed for the year and this makes them anxious. I hear about this anxiety in their sessions. Additionally, they tell me they are afraid that people will break into their homes to steal toilet paper. I have been telling them they do not need to worry about such things and the situation is not that bad. However, I can no longer say this to the children.

Today it was reported that since the quarantine has started there has been a significant increase in gun sales. Stores that sell guns are reporting it has been a long time since so many people have been coming in and buying guns. Children hear this and their fears about someone breaking into their homes seem possible.

This is a scary and anxious time for everyone. We do not need to add to the anxiety or hysteria regarding the coronavirus. The virus is a medical condition and will require medicine or medical treatments to cure it. A gun will not cure the virus, but guns will add to the hysteria about the virus and possible other unfortunate situations.

During times such as the quarantine, depression, anxiety and incidents of domestic violence do increase and this increase has been documented by research studies and the CDC. Therefore, guns around the house during quarantine can increase the odds of a suicide attempt, someone being shot accidentally or even someone being killed by a gun shot. Therefore, while being quarantined does provoke anxiety and is scary because we do not know exactly what is happening, we do not want to add to the anxiety. Therefore, before you buy a gun, stop and think. Will it help end the quarantine? No. Is a role of toilet paper worth taking the risk of someone attempting suicide or being killed by accident? No. What will the gun do? It will add to the anxiety and fear people are experiencing especially children. Therefore, its probably better not to buy the gun and look around your community and look at how you can help at this time. Maybe helping an older neighbor who needs help shopping or carrying grocery items into their house. This would be a better use of your time than buying a gun. Finally, we do not need a mass shooting incident while everyone is being quarantined. You never know what will happen when a gun is around.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience and specializes in treating children, teenagers and dealing with trauma incidents. For more information about Dr. Rubino’s work or private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

The quarantine and domestic violence

The quarantine and domestic violence

The isolation of the quarantine can exacerbate mental health issues such as anxiety & depression. People are cut off from their normal support system such as psychotherapy and this can trigger their mental health issues. Another issue is Domestic violence victims, stuck at home, are at risk during coronavirus pandemic. The victim is isolated with the abuser who may use the isolation to increase their control over the person. Also being isolated can cause the perpetrator to become anxious and out of control of life so they turn to domestic violence again to help them feel empowered again. If you know someone at risk call and checkin on them. If you do not receive an answer or the conversation seems odd to you, call your local police and ask them to do a safety check. Explain why you are asking for the safety check so the officers know what to look for. You may be saving a life.

I have included a link to an article which will explain in more detail why the quarantine places victims of domestic violence at risk. https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/27/health/domestic-violence-coronavirus-wellness-trnd/index.html.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating teenagers and children and victims of trauma. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Being Quarantined with Your Children

Being Quarantined with Your Children

The coronavirus has taken a turn no one expected. Before we were thinking about precautions we should take and now the entire San Francisco Bay Area is under quarantine for at least 3 weeks. This means 3 weeks of no school and 3 weeks of the kids at home. Many parents are starting to panic. They may not be able to go to work, but many people are being asked to work from home. So how do you work from home and cope with kids who are going to be very bored? In some ways it sounds like a horror movie, but it’s not. This is our reality.

The first thing to do is not to panic. If you panic it’s going to make it harder to make rational choices to get through the quarantine. Also if you panic you children will feel anxious and insecure and will be more likely to act out. It’s important to remember that you are all in this together and you will need to get through this together.

The first thing to do is to sit down with your children and discuss the situation. Reassure your children you are taking all necessary precautions to keep them safe and that children tend not to catch this virus. Explain that the doctors have decided to have this quarantine as away to get control of the virus so that more people do not get sick. It is important to explain this calmly so your children will remain calm. They will be watching you as a way to gauge the situation. If you are panicked and anxious, they are more likely to be anxious. If you are calm, they are more likely to be calm and not over react.

The next thing I recommend is a family meeting to discuss the new house rules during the quarantine. Explain it will be important to keep a schedule because the quarantine will end and they will be returning to school. Also some schools may have sent homework home or they may be having classes online. Therefore, they need time to do their homework. However, point out that you can use some of the time to have fun. You can have a family game night, a family movie night and other things that you may decide to do. Try not to have the news on a lot because most news stations are running stories about the virus 24/7 and this can provoke anxiety for children and adults.

As for IPads, texting and time online, this would be a good time to renegotiate your standard rules. Typically an hour a day is what is recommended. However, given the fact children and teenagers will not be able to see friends at school or go out with friends on the weekends, allowing more screen time would be appropriate. This can also help them cope with the quarantine by being able to maintain contact with friends. However, it is a good idea to checkin with your children about what their friends are saying about the virus. This way you can correct misinformation that your children may be hearing from their friends. Remind them their friends do not have all the answers and if they have questions or concerns regarding the virus to ask you.

As for a schedule, set a time for everyone to wake up, get dressed and have breakfast. It doesn’t need to be at 7 am, but I would suggest no later than 9am. After breakfast have everyone do something related to school. If the school has assigned work or having work online this would be a prefect time to do their assigned work. If their is no assigned work have them read a book or use their IPad or laptop to long on to a site that has school work. There are many sites devoted to learning. Your school website may have some posted or local news station such ABC7 are posting the sites on their websites.

After a couple hours of work take a break for lunch. After lunch, if the weather permits have your children spend some time in the backyard getting some fresh air and playing a game for exercise. After they have spent some time outside have them return to their school work. Around 3pm let them stop their school work and use their electronics to play and keep in touch with their friends.

When it’s getting to be dinner time have the entire family participate in preparing dinner and have dinner together as a family. Take the time to catch up with your children and teenagers about what is going on in their lives. Also take this time to decide on an after dinner activity such as a game, a movie or if there is a certain television show everyone likes to watch. Again this can be good family bonding time and can help you when the quarantine ends. If your teenagers find out spending time and talking to their parents is not torture, they are more likely to continue talking with you after the quarantine.

Again, since the quarantine is not forever and children and teenagers will be returning to school after the quarantine, set a bedtime for children and teenagers. It should be age appropriate, but make it slightly later than when school is in session. This will help your children are teenagers not resist the quarantine so much if they are getting some benefits from it. They may be small benefits but any will help. Also I would suggest allowing an hour after family game time for teenagers to be able to text friends and wrap up their day.

The quarantine is going to be stressful on everyone but if you remember you are in it together as a family, it can help you with the stressful times. In addition to settling a schedule, if you have neighbors who are elderly or family friends who are elderly, volunteer to help them with shopping or just stop by to check on them and see if they need anything. By helping others it helps you not to feel so sorry for yourself and to appreciate what you do have in your life.

The choice is yours, you can look at the quarantine as a disaster and feel like you are being tortured for the next three weeks or you can look at it as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your children and teenagers. By trying to strengthen your relationship with your children and teenagers during the quarantine, when the quarantine ends you may have a better relationship with your children and teenagers. You may find out that strengthening your relationship with your family was worth all the difficulties created by the quarantine.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating teenagers and children. For more information about Dr. Rubino’s work or private practice visit his website http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or his facebook.com http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3