Helping Kids Cope with Today’s World

Helping Kids Cope with Today’s World

We are expecting children and teenagers to cope with and adjust to a a number of teenagers. One main issue is the pandemic and Coronavirus. They have had to deal with remote learning and then all of a sudden they are expected to go back to school. In addition to the changes in school many teenagers are dealing with the deaths of parents, grandparents and other people close to them. In addition they were locked in their houses for a year without being able to see friends. This is a lot for children and teenagers to adjust to.

Now we are starting to reopen the Country and children and teenagers again have to cope with mass shootings again. Therefore, they are dealing with more people dying and afraid that they may be killed too. As of today, June 13th, there have been 270 Nass shootings. This is a significant increase from 2019. We have experienced a 65% increase in Nass shootings since 2019 and the year is only half over (Gun Violence Archive).

Teenagers and children are also seeing a tremendous increase in violence in our Country. Hate crimes against Asian Americans have increased significantly and so have hate crimes against people who are Jewish (CDC). In addition there is violence occurring around people having to wear face masks in certain situation. A flight attendant on Southwest Airlines had her front teeth punched out of her mouth by a passenger because she asked him to wear a masks. Besides people arguing about face masks, they are arguing about the Coronavirus vaccinations which ever Public Health Professional states we need to overcome this pandemic. However, we are hearing people purpose crazy ideas such as the vaccinations will make you magnetic and Bill Gates has placed mico chips in the vaccines. The pandemic is scary enough without people making up insane conspiracies that may scare children.

Add to these issues such things as the violent attack on the US Capital Building and we have children and teenagers living in a chaotic environment. To add to the pressure we are expecting children and teenagers to simply adjust to all the chaos. We expect them to ignore it and go on like nothing has changed. Children and teenagers are expected to be able to achieve at school and not act out due to the chaos in their lives.

It’s not realistic and it’s not happening. There is a significant increase in the number of teenagers and children reporting anxiety disorders and depression. Additionally, we have seen an increase in the number of teenagers committing suicide and dying from drug overdoses. Teenagers and children are desperately looking for a peaceful environment. In my office we have seen an increase by a factor of 20 of teenagers and children seeking therapy due to the chaos. We must provide teenagers and children with mental health care and sane gun laws to help them cope with this chaos they are experiencing.

I have included a link to an article which provides suggestions parents can try to help their children and teenagers cope with the chaos we are living in currently. https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/57946/striving-or-thriving-steps-to-help-kids-find-balance-and-purpose.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers and trauma victims. For more information regarding his work visit his website http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

Dad’s are Important to a Child’s Development

Dad’s are Important to a Child’s Development

We have all heard very often how important a mother is to a child especially a young child. While this is true Dads are just as important to children and young children. I say Dad because any man can father a child, but it takes work to be a Dad to a child.

Because of the stereotype we have about men in our culture, Dads are often not considered to be important in children’s lives. We tend to focus on mothers and what they provide children. Also because men tend to work a lot and have a tendency not to express emotions, many people assume Dads are usually not emotionally available to children.

However, if we look at the stereotype it also demonstrates why Dads are important. Dads are the male role models to their sons. Dads teach their sons how to treat women, their wives and their children. They teach their sons how a man is supposed to act in relationships and react to people in general.

Dads are also role models for their daughters. Their daughters see how their Dads treat their Moms. This is the first example girls have of how they should be treated in an intimate relationship. If their Dad is verbally and physically abusive, they will most likely expect their boyfriend or husband to treat them that way. Additionally, if girls are exposed to a Dad who is verbally, emotionally or physically abusive, they are more likely to have low self-esteem as adults and be bullied as a child. Boys also are more likely to suffer from low self-esteem and be bullies, if their Dad is verbally, emotionally or physically abusive.

Additionally, boys tend to look for validation from their Dads that they are doing a good job developing into an adult man. If their Dad is not emotionally available, many boys interpret this as they are a failure to their Dad and they become hurt and angry. Since men and boys tend to have difficulties expressing their emotions, because men don’t express sadness or similar emotions, they tend to express these emotions as anger. In other words, boys and men tend to project their pain onto others.

If we change our mind set and see how valuable a Dad is to kids then may be Dads can start meeting the emotional needs of their children and families. However, this requires men to stop living up to the stereotype society has about how men are supposed to act. Since men tend to focus on the stereotype about male behavior, they tend to pass this stereotype on to their sons.

I have a friend who was able to ignore the male stereotype and write a wonderful poem to his son. He wanted his son never to doubt how he felt about him and he wanted to make sure he shared it with his son. What a tremendous gift he gave to his son! Also what a fantastic role model he is being to his son about how to be a Dad.

I asked for his permission to print it here and he graciously said yes. I hope other Dads will read this and share a gift like this with their son or daughter. Also I hope it helps to eliminate the false stereotypes we have about Dads.

I never want this to go unsaid, about my son,

So here in this poem, for all to hear

There are no words to express how much you mean to me,

with a smile upon my face, and warm feelings in my heart, I must declare!

A son like you, always polite and full of joy,I thought could never be.

Since the day you were born, I just knew you were like a mini me,

from your first breath I knew,

God sent me a blessing- and that was you.

For this I thank him every day,

You are the true definition of a son, in every way.

Your kindness and caring with love for all,

you give my life meaning, for us to share.

Becoming your father has shown me a new sense of being.

I want you to know that you were the purpose of my life,

Turning everything I ‘am – into a happy place.

Always remember that I know how much you care,

I can tell by the bond that we share.

For a son like you there could be no other,

And whether we are together or apart,

Please do not ever forget-

You will always have a piece of my heart.

This is a fantastic example of a Dad!

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with 20 years experience working with children & teens. He is an expert in this area of treatment. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.rcs-ca.com, http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or follow him on Facebook www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or on Twitter @RubinoTherapy.

Teenagers and The New Sexuality

Teenagers and The New Sexuality

As I have said before, the teenagers in this generation are different from past generations. One way they are different are they question the “norm” and they are setting new standards. One area where they have set new standards is in the area of sexuality. Yes people still identify as ga, lesbian and bisexual, but we have more teenagers identifying as transgender, transsexual and pansexual. Pansexual is a person who is sexually attracted to the person’s personality their gender does not matter. Additionally, we have more teenagers who do not identify as male or female. They identify as other. They feel they have male and female attributes therefore they feel the old labels are too narrow. There are even teenagers who identify as asexual. As a result, they identify as “other” so they can be themselves. In fact, you may have noticed this change on demographic forms you need to complete. For gender more people are being given the option to put other or decline to state.

With demographic forms changing it is a sign that society is acknowledging what teenagers are feeling. We also see this in a recent Supreme Court ruling guaranteeing gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are entitled to the same protection on their jobs as everyone else. The Supreme Court is acknowledging the change in society and this is correct. Homosexual marriage has been legal in our country for a few years and there are many laws addressing the rights of transgender and transexual individuals. These laws are acknowledging that regardless of sexual orientation, we are all human beings entitled to the same rights.

While there has been progress is it enough? As a psychotherapist who treats adolescents, I would say no. I still have parents who bring their teenager who identifies as homosexual or transgender into therapy. They do not bring the teen in for therapy to help them deal with the social pressures they are encountering at school and other places. No they bring their teen into me so I can fix them. Many parents still consider these feelings to be a teenage phase or that someone convinced their child to think and feel this way. When I explain to parents there is nothing to fix, many parents do not believe me. They tell me they will take their teen to someone who will fix them.

It is true that at times during adolescence or young adulthood, college age, that some people may have doubts about their sexuality and may even experiment. Just because some teens do question doesn’t mean every teenager questions. Think back to when you were a teenager, sexual feelings were very confusing. Therefore, some teens do question. However, I also have seen many teens who are not questioning. I have worked with many teens who know their sexuality for sure. They are not questioning and many of these teens tell me they have known their sexuality since they were little children.

When parents are still brining teens in for me to fix them and they are still being harassed and bullied at school, I do not think we have made a lot of progress. Yes some progress has been made, but we still need to make more progress.

One example that indicates we still need to make progress is suicide. The suicide rate for teenagers in general has increased from the third leading cause of death to the second leading cause of death. However, the rate is much different for homosexual or transgender teenagers. It is estimated that the suicide rate for teens who identify as homosexual, transgender, transsexual or questioning is five times the rate of the “average” teenager (The Trevor Project)). Think about this, for the general population of teens suicide is the second leading cause of death and those who identify as LGBT are five times more likely than the average teen to commit suicide. This means there are millions of teens killing themselves due to their sexual feelings and stereotypes that are outdated. Also the five times is an estimate. Many teens who attempt or commit suicide may have told no one about their sexual feelings. Also sexuality is not part of an autopsy. Therefore, the number is probably higher.

Another fact which indicates we still have work to do is that teenagers who identify as homosexual or transgender have few places to go to for help. Many are afraid to seek therapy from a private therapist because they are afraid the therapist will tell their parents. Legally a psychotherapist cannot tell parents if their teen is questioning their sexuality, but many teens are not willing to take that chance. There are very few non-profit groups dedicated to the topic because stereotypes still exist. I practice in the East Bay Area of San Francisco and I only know of one non-profit, the Rainbow Center, which provides services to teenagers who are questioning their sexuality.

Fifty years later teenagers should not have to be dealing with these stereotypes at home and at school and there should be support services available. We need to eliminate the stigma associated with sexuality and mental health, we need to educate parents and schools about teenagers sexuality and we need more mental health services for teens. As psychotherapist we need to do a better job of educating the public that if a teenager tells us they are homosexual or transsexual or transgender, we cannot break confidentiality. Meaning we can tell no one not even there parents. We also need to educate parents this is not a disease that we cure. Sexuality is a normal part of being a human being and there are various forms of sexuality and they are all normal. Again, think about those suicide rates and how many teens we lose every year because of a stereotype. This is ridiculous!!

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over twenty years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Facts Every Boy Needs to Know about Sex

Facts Every Boy Needs to Know about Sex

A great article about what boys need to know about sex. I have seen many teenagers for therapy and no one discussed sexuality with them. In today’s world that is very dangerous.

Many teenage boys as old as 16 years old report that their fathers and mothers have never discussed sex or sexuality with them. Many of the facts that the boys have regarding sex are wrong and could get them in to trouble with the law. For example, they are in possession of a nude picture of their girlfriend that they have violated child pornography laws. The girl might be his girlfriend but, she is under the age of 18. Therefore, it is child pornography.

In addition to issues such as pictures, there is the issue of consent which is a major issue. How do boys know if they have consent or if a girl decides to withdraw her consent. If they withdraw their consent, then the boy is guilty of rape.

Also sex has changed a lot. There are now Friends with Benefits and Hookups that use to occur in college but, now they are occurring in high school and middle school.

Boys in Middle school and High school have enough problems trying to figure out what is going on with their bodies and the sexual feelings they are having without needing to figure out what is appropriate or not. Therefore, they need someone to talk to them about sex and sexuality.

I know this subject is difficult to discuss with your son who is 13 years old or 16 years old. However, you don’t want them to learn about sex and sexuality from their friends or worse from pornography. Therefore, you need to talk to your sons.

This article discusses all the issues you need to discuss with your son about sex and sexuality. Everything is laid out very clearly and it is very easy to use. I have included the link to the article so please read & discuss with your son https://medium.com/hello-love/14-things-you-must-teach-your-son-about-sex-d63f7d1953fe.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. For more information regarding his work please visit his website at http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

Mental Health Care in 2021 in the United States

Mental Health Care in 2021 in the United States

The month of May is dedicated to mental health awareness. I decided to use this opportunity to frankly discuss the mental health care system in the United States and what many families and patients have to go through and often not receive any help. Unfortunately, this is very common that many teenagers and adults fail to receive mental health care or receive inadequate mental health care.

Many people assume that the United States provides the best physical and mental health care in the world. However, this is not the case. One example of this fact comes from the ABC News Show 20/20. An Olympic Athlete had been living with Bipolar Disorder for over 20 years and never diagnosed. She had been reporting difficulties with depression for years, but her complaints were dismissed. The alarming fact is that even though her brother committed suicide due to being Bipolar her symptoms were dismissed. We know that Bipolar Disorder is inherited and suicide tends to run in families. In other words, if a family member committed suicide it puts you at a higher risk for suicide. The family never discussed the brother’s suicide due to shame associated with suicide and mental illness. Therefore, clinicians treating her may never have been told that her brother committed suicide. The Athlete and her husband asked for help for 10 years and despite the fact she had all the symptoms and a family history of Bipolar, no one diagnosed her. She lives in the United States, her brother committed suicide because he was Bipolar and it still took 10 years for her to be diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and not dismissed by psychiatrist as someone who was over reacting. Now that she is diagnosed she is dealing with the shame of being Bipolar. However, the shame associated with mental illness and suicide might have contributed to her not being diagnosed earlier. Often patients come in to my office for help, but I may not get all the vital information for months because the patient is embarrassed and worried how I might react to their family history.

We often hear parents complain that their teenager is driving them crazy or a teenager complaining how unfair their parents are to live with on a daily basis. Many people assume this is normal life with a teenager. However, according to the CDC, one out of five teenagers have a diagnosable mental health condition and would benefit from psychotherapy. The parents of these teenagers are begging for help, but they are ignored. Many people assume they are over reacting. Furthermore, there is a strong negative stereotype about mental health in our Country and people prefer not to be associated with someone who has a mental health issue. Many people act like mental health issues are catchy and a sign of weakness and lower intelligence. None of these ideas are true. In fact, many very famous people have mental health issues themselves or in their families.

Therefore, you have some parents begging anyone who will listen for help. You also have teenagers who are crying out for help by cutting themselves or acting out trying to get people’s attention. Many of us assume if the parents are begging or the teenager is cutting themselves that they will receive mental health care. Unfortunately, this is not how our world works. I have been working as a psychotherapist who treats teenagers for over 20 years. There have been many times I could not have a suicidal teenager hospitalized because the hospital had no beds for a suicidal teenager or the insurance refused to authorize the admission to the hospital.

This is a very important point for people to understand. As the psychotherapist, I do not determine the treatment plan for a teenager or child. Your insurance company dictates the treatment plan. They have decided what diagnosis they will cover and what treatment modalities they will pay for. Additionally, they decide how much they will pay. I have seen some teenagers and the insurance would only allow $25 per session. Many people assume the insurance company pays psychotherapist or hospitals their entire fee. They pay the psychotherapist or hospital the rate they decide. If the psychotherapist wants to work with that insurance company they must agree to accept the insurance company’s rate. This is why health care providers always ask for your copay. The copay is part of the rate. If the insurance rate is $50 and your copay is $25, if the provider does not collect your copayment, the insurance only pays $25. This is why many providers do not accept insurance. They dictate the course of therapy even though they no nothing about the teen and they under pay the provider. Insurance companies make a great deal of money by charging high premiums and refusing to pay for treatment. This is not fair or appropriate.

Therefore, parents are seeking help, but they are told they need to contact someone else, they have contacted the wrong place. For example, one Thanksgiving I had a mother have my answering service page me and she was begging me for help because her teen was suicidal. I referred her to the County hospital because based on what she said the teen needed to be hospitalized. She told me the County hospital gave her my telephone number because they had no more beds for anyone who was suicidal. The parents tell me they feel like no one cares. She did everything she should have, but she could not get help. Her son needed to be hospitalized for his safety, but the hospital refused to admit him.

Again, some people might believe this is an isolated case. Sadly this is not an isolated case. As I said, I specialize in treating suicidal, bipolar and teens who are trauma victims. There have been a number of times I have sent a suicidal teen by ambulance from my office to the County hospital only to have the teen released in less than an hour because the hospital had no beds. I had one person on the Psychiatric Crises Unit tell me on the telephone unless the person had a shotgun in their mouth not to send them to the Hospital because they had no beds for suicidal teens. The hospital only has a couple of beds for suicidal teenagers based on the State budget. Anytime cuts need to be made to the State budget, mental health is always the first area to be cut.

As a result of budget cuts and insurance companies denying treatment, the therapist in a difficult position. Do you just discharge the teen or do you continue to treat the teen for a low fee or for free? Remember 1 out of 5 teens have a psychological condition that needs treatment, what do you do when treatment is denied or there are no treatment options? Besides 1 out of 5 teens needing mental health care, the CDC has recently moved suicide from the third leading cause of death to the second leading cause of death for children 10 to 18 years old. Therefore, there are many teens who desperately need mental health care and may die without it. Also, when you examine the results further you find that teens who need therapy but fail to receive it are more likely to get involved with drugs, crime, are more likely to drop out of school, more likely to get pregnant or father a child and that child is more likely to become a foster child. These teens are also more likely to end up on probation, homeless and on welfare.

As a society we do not place much emphasis on mental health care. Mental health care programs are always some of the first programs cut when the budget is cutback. Our priorities need to be examined. I find I t very interesting that Contra Costa County had enough money to build a new Juvenile Hall, which is three times the size of the old Juvenile Hall, but there was not enough money to fund a large number of mental health services which had to be cut.

We often look at teens who are acting out and blame their parents. We ask why don’t they get their child the help they need? What stops them from helping their teenager? Why is the teen always getting involved with drugs or not going to school? The answer could be because the teen needs mental health care and the parents have been and continue to try to get their teen help but their is no help. The teen may be acting out because they are tired of asking for help and being in pain so they start looking for the easiest way out of pain.

If we want our teenagers to grow up to become productive members of society then we need to provide them with the mental health care they need. If we want parents to be responsible parents, then we need to provide parents options for how to get their teens help when they ask for it.

With the number of mass shootings, the significant increase in the number of children with anxiety disorders and the epidemic of teenagers cutting and teenage suicide, I am surprised we have not made it easier and more affordable for teenagers to get adequate mental health care. In addition to the issues I stated above, the Coronavirus has created a number of mental health issues for children and teenagers. Grief due to the death of family members, drug use and overdoses have increased and so have anxiety and depression increased due to the pandemic. However, I don’t see any plans to deal with the large number of teenagers who are going to need help. I have seen a significant increase in the number of teenagers needing mental health care since the Pandemic started. I have also seen insurance companies refusing to cover mental health, so what do we do?

I have been treating teens for over 20 years and it is still a problem to get a teenager residential care if they need it. Also it is still difficult to get teens medication at an affordable price. I had a teen the other day who needs medication but they had no medical coverage to see a psychiatrist. The parent made an appointment but the fee for the visit was $450 and they would not reduce the fee. So again what do they do?

We can write our Congressmen and Senators and demand that they fund community mental health centers. We can also demand that private insurance companies be required to offer teenagers and their families adequate mental health benefits based on what professional therapists are recommending. The professional treating the child knows what the child needs not some clerical worker with a Bachelors degree who is answering phone calls at the insurance company.

In short, if we want our teenagers to survive their teen years we all need to act together and demand that our children receive the treatment they need and deserve. Mental health care is not a dirty word. There is no difference between mental health and physical health. Therefore, they needed to be treated the same and we need to eliminate the stigma associated with mental health issues.

Finally, private insurance companies make huge profits and drive the cost of health care up based on how they do business. If we don’t start to speak up for our kids, they will never receive the care they need. Look at your next pay stub and look at how much you pay for health insurance and compare that to the benefits you receive. When you take your teenager to a psychotherapist most insurance companies only pay the therapist $75. Your copay is part of the payment. Your premiums are high, but they do not pay it out to providers they keep it.

Dr Michael Rubino has over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers dealing with anxiety, depression and trauma. To find out more about Dr Michael Rubino and his private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify and Apple

What We All Need to do to Fix a Divided Nation

What We All Need to do to Fix a Divided Nation

Unfortunately we are living in a divided nation and people are getting hurt or killed due to their beliefs or the color of their skin. For example, people are getting attacked because they are asking customers to wear masks in their stores. In addition, Asian Americans are getting attacked and killed just walking down the streets because they are Asian. There are people who are blaming Asian Americans for the Coronavirus. We also continue to have African Americans being shot by police officers. All of these incidents are creating a divided nation. It has become so bad that people stormed the United States Capital building and were trying to over turn the results of the 2020 election.

We are living in a country where many people are afraid to go outside because they might be attacked. Additionally, in public people are being rude to each other and no one feels safe. This feeling is severally impacting children and teenagers.

Prior to all of this hate, children and teenagers were reporting increased depression and anxiety. Since the beginning of 2021, more children and teenagers are reporting depression and anxiety. The number of teenagers dying from drug overdoses and suicide continues to rise (CDC). Some teenagers are taking things into their own hands and are carrying guns and knifes so they can protect themselves or others. Remember the teenager who went from Iowa to Minnesota with a gun and killed two people during the riots. He felt he had a responsibility to stop the chaos. Teenagers should not have to stop the chaos occurring in the United States. This is placing too much pressure on them resulting in teenagers feeling depressed and anxious and seeing no future for themselves.

The United States is supposed to be the “great melting pot.” The Statue of Liberty says, “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.” We are all supposed to be equal and live together in a Country where we can be ourselves and have a chance at making a decent life for our families. However, we are losing that dream quickly especially if we allow those who are spreading hate and lies to continue to spread hate and lies.

The Harlem Globetrotters developed an anti-bullying program for school children in order to stop bullying. The United States belongs to everyone who is a citizen. Yes there are people who are not citizens, but according to the saying on the Statue of Liberty, we still need to treat them with respect and dignity because they are fellow human beings. Therefore, we are all in this together and we all have to fix the problems together. Or, would we prefer that the children continue to live in an environment which is creating depression and anxiety for them and causing thousands of children to commit suicide every year. We are talking about children as young as 8 years old who are committing suicide and the number of children committing suicide is increasing every year (CDC).

The Harlem Globetrotters program is not that hard. All you have to do is remember is A, B, C. A is for action, B is for bravery and C is for compassion. To make it easier let’s use an example, if you see an Asian American being attacked on the street, (B) be brave and don’t ignore it, (A) act by calling the police with your cellphone and screaming for help, (C) stay around and show the person some compassion asking if they need anything or reporting what you witnessed to the police. We can do this, we have done it before. This is exactly what happened in the George Floyd case and by everyone working together a bad police officer is now off the streets. If we had not acted together, that officer would still be on the streets chocking people.

If adults are willing to take action, we can teach children and teenagers the same A,B,Cs and if they see their parents and grandparents getting involved they will follow your example. Additionally, if they see adults working together for the common good, maybe we may see a reduction in the number of teenagers feeling depressed and anxious. If that occurs we would most likely see a decrease in the number of teenagers cutting and overdosing on drugs. We would also see a reduction in the number of teenagers and children committing suicide because they would feel a sense of hope for their futures.

Finally, if we all work together we would be worthy of what is inscribed in the Statue of Liberty. We also would stop being a joke to the world. We are the United States, the most powerful nation in the world! However, how can we say that if we allow stereotypes and racism to decide how we treat each other?

Dr. Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. If you would like to learn more about his work visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

Do Children Need to Learn that Violence and Death are Now Normal in the United States?

Do Children Need to Learn that Violence and Death are Now Normal in the United States?

When will we learn that we need sane and safe gun laws? People must take a test in order to get a driver’s license and you must wear a seatbelt in a car. The government has not stopped people from driving or eliminated cars due to these laws that make driving safer. Therefore, if we have laws regarding driving and alcohol, how would safe and sane gun laws pose a threat to guns? We have safety laws regarding numerous activities and people still enjoy them and own things. Again, if we can do this with other aspects of our society, why can’t we implement safe and sane gun laws? Or are we ready to accept mass shootings as a normal every day event?

Due to the Coronavirus pandemic and the country being on lock down, the mass shooting significantly dropped. In fact there were no mass shooting in the United States after April 2020. However, mass shootings have been occurring in the United States since 1999. According to the CDC mass shooting have been increasing every year from 2010 to 2019. In fact, in 2019 there was a mass shooting every 1.2 days. There were so many we started to become numb to the news when a shooting occurred.

Since the last shootings occurred in 2019, many people thought maybe mass shooting were no longer an issue. However, now that we have started to reopen the country, mass shootings have returned as an issue. On March 26, 2021, we had the first mass shooting in Atlanta, Georgia. Two weeks later, there was another mass shooting in Boulder, Colorado. Again with both shootings, there were more senseless killings. Considering over 525,000 Americans have died due to the Coronavirus, we do not need anymore unnecessary deaths in our Country.

We are a Country of grief! People who lost loved ones in mass shootings before 2019 are still grieving the loss of loved ones. There families will never be the same. The grieving process does not stop after a funeral. The grieving process can last for years especially when it is for a child or parent who were senseless killed in a mass shooting. We also have people still grieving the loss of a loved one by a pandemic that former President Trump ignored allowing 525,000 Americans and counting to die from a virus. Also families who have a love one who died due to the Coronavirus never had the chance to personally say goodbye or have a complete funeral due to the restrictions associated with the Coronavirus.

As I said mass shootings are an issue again. Since the mass shooting in Atlanta, there have been a minimum of 22 mass shootings (CDC, NBC, CNN). There have been other shootings which are still being investigated to determine if they meet the CDC definition of a mass shooting. Regardless of how those shootings are defined, they still occurred and people were killed and wounded. Therefore, since the Atlanta mass shooting, we have added to the number of Americans who are grieving and dealing with traumatic reactions. Many of these people added are children and teenagers. How do we justify getting upset with teenagers when they act out by refusing to do school work or damaging property, when they are having to continue to deal with grief and trauma on a daily basis and they see no relief in sight.

Given how many families are being devastated by these mass shootings, what is the problem with enacting sane and safe gun laws? Republicans are spending numerous hours and money trying to change our voting laws, but are not willing to implement safe and sane gun laws to stop the senseless killings. How is making it a crime to give a person water who is waiting in line to vote protecting our voting system or our Country? The election of 2020 was the biggest Presidential election in our Country and numerous states and the Superior Courts in Sates and the Supreme Court all agreed in that the election of 2020 was one of the fairest elections with the least amount of problems in our Country’s history. Therefore, why waste time on voting laws? Why not focus on the violence and unnecessary killings that are occurring in the United States.

We need to address the massive amount of violence occurring in our Country. Besides mass shootings, the United States Capital Building has been attacked twice in 2021 with 4 Capital Police Officers being killed or dying from suicide (CDC, NBC, CNN). In addition to the attacks on the Capital, Asian Americans have been the victims of numerous physical attacks. Again, many have been killed by these attacks adding to the number of Americans grieving and dealing with traumatic reactions. These are occurring because the former President blamed China for the Coronavirus. However, he takes no responsibility for ignoring the medical experts who were telling the former President what he needed to do. His solution was to tell people to drink bleach. Something many people actually tried (CDC).

The former President ignored that we have a nation grieving and dealing with traumatic reactions. Now, as mass shootings resume and attacks on Asian Americans continue and people continue to die from the Coronavirus, the number of Americans grieving and dealing with traumatic reactions continue to grow. Remember a large number of these Americans are children and teenagers. People say they need psychotherapy. However, as a psychotherapist I can tell you many insurance companies are raising copays so high that families cannot afford therapy for their children and teenagers and also afford to buy food for their family. Many families are going without therapy or going to food banks.

We cannot allow the United States to be a country of grief and trauma. We must enact safe and sane gun laws. We have them for driving, the use of alcohol and for traveling. Therefore, safe and sane gun laws will not destroy the second amendment. Also voting laws are fine how they are right now. We need to focus on the real problems facing our children and teenagers. We need to stop the violence and ensure that anyone who needs psychotherapy can get it.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over twenty years experience treating children and teenagers and treating trauma victims. For more information regarding his work visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

Teenagers are Using ADHD Medications to get High

Teenagers are Using ADHD Medications to get High

Working with teenagers, I often have parents who are concerned about their teenager using marijuana or alcohol. Besides the concern that their teenager may be using drugs or alcohol, they are concerned about their teenager becoming addicted. Besides marijuana and alcohol, parents are concerned about methamphetamines and heroin. Currently there is an epidemic of teenagers addicted to methamphetamine, heroin and opioids in the United States (CDC). While parents worry about opioids, methamphetamines and heroin addiction in teenagers, there is another drug parents need to be concerned about. Parents need to be concerned about the drugs children and teenagers take for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

Methamphetamine is a very popular drug because it is easy to get and there are a number of ways to use it. Also many teenagers like the effect that they receive from methamphetamine. They get an adrenal rush and can stay up for days at times. Therefore, it makes it easier for them to get all their work done. Many teenagers are involved with numerous school activities, trying to maintain a good grade point average and want to spend time with their friends. They often find out that they don’t have enough energy to keep up with their schedule. The boost they receive from the methamphetamine helps them keep up and get everything done. However, buying methamphetamines can be a dangerous thing to do and if they are caught with methamphetamines, they are in a lot of trouble.

Many teenagers do not want to run the risk of being caught with or buying methamphetamines. Therefore, teenagers have found away around the risk, medications for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Most medications for ADHD such as Ritalin or Concerta are stimulant based. In other words, they contain a form of methamphetamine. Therefore, if a high school student who does not have ADHD takes Concerta, they experience the same effect as if they took methamphetamine such as cocaine. They get a burst of energy and can stay up all night so they can finish their work.

During finals, I hear many teenagers talk about taking Concerta or other ADHD drugs so they have the energy to study. Some teenagers will tell their parents they are having difficulties concentrating hoping their parents will take them to the physician so they can get a prescription for ADHD medication. On the other hand, teenagers who are suppose to be taking medication for ADHD often sell their medication. They can sell it very easily to friends at school and they can make good money too. Many of these teenagers feel they don’t need their medication so they are happy to sell it.

The buying and selling of ADHD medications on high school campuses is a daily occurrence. Most research studies indicate it starts in 8th grade and continues in high school. Many teenagers rely on ADHD medications to help them when they feel they are falling behind in school. Many teenagers see no problem using the ADHD medications because they were prescribed by a doctor. However, they were not prescribed to them. Therefore, the dosage they are taking may be too much for their body. Also I have seen teenagers combine these medications with energy drinks which have very large amounts of caffeine. I have had teenagers report they felt like their heart was going to come out of the chest because it was beating so fast. In addition, they also report not being able to sleep for days because they are wired.

This is a major danger when teenagers use ADHD medications to stay awake. They can become wired the same way as if they used cocaine or smoked methamphetamine. Also taking these ADHD medications opens the door to teenagers experimenting with such drugs as cocaine. They like the effect of the ADHD medication and wonder how other drugs may feel or may be they can no longer get the ADHD medication so they start experimenting. In fact, research indicates that teenagers who abuse ADHD medication are more likely to use methamphetamine or heroin.

In addition to opening the door to other drugs, they are risking their health and life. If they heart rate is racing and their blood pressure is rising they can induce a heart attack. Also parents may notice there is something wrong, but if they do not know their teenager has been taking ADHD medication, there is no way for a parent to tell a physician. Therefore, the teenager may not get the medical help they need. In addition to the physical symptoms, using too much methamphetamine can cause psychotic symptoms and the teenager may need to be hospitalized. The bottom line is just because the ADHD medication came from a pharmacy does not make it safe for everyone. I have included a link for parents which discusses the dangers and symptoms that parents need to be aware of regarding teenagers abusing ADHD medications https://drugabuse.com/library/adderall-abuse/#effects-of-adderall-abuse.

Hopefully, parents can take this information and discuss the situation with their teenagers. Encourage them that if they are feeling overwhelmed by school and life to talk to you not to turn to a drug. A drug will never solve the problem and more likely create more problems. Also let your teenager know all you expect is the best they can do naturally. You do not expect perfection.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating teenagers and children. He is a founding member of the National Advisory board for the Alive and Free program. For more information regarding Dr. Rubino’s work or private practice visit his website www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Looking at the Issue of Teenagers Cutting

Looking at the Issue of Teenagers Cutting

Today’s teenagers are under a great deal pressure. In fact, according to the CDC, 1 out of every teenager has a diagnosable mental health issue. In addition, depression, anxiety, drug overdoses and suicide are currently at epidemic rates for teenagers. In fact, suicide was the third leading cause of death for teenagers and now it is the second leading cause of death (CDC). Furthermore, cutting or self-harming behaviors are also at epidemic rates for teenagers (CDC). Self-harming behaviors include teenagers cutting themselves with knives or scissors in addition to scratching themselves severely and sometimes teenagers may even use erasers to erase their skin and cause sores. These are only a few examples.

Ten years ago if I asked a teenager if they were cutting or had ever cut, once in a while I would get an answer of yes. Today when you ask teenagers about cutting most teenagers answer yes. In fact, it’s no longer just teenagers. Children as young as 8 or 10 years old often respond yes to this question. This is alarming, but it is evidence of the amount of emotional pressure these kids have to deal with today.

When you ask a teenager about cutting behavior, they usually respond it was easier to deal with the physical pain than the emotional turmoil they were dealing with inside. Others will say the cutting takes their mind off of the emotional situation and others even say it makes them feel human. So as you can see there are numerous reasons, but teenagers are also very embarrassed and ashamed about the cutting behavior. If I am treating a teen who is engaging in cutting I must be very sensitive and non-judgmental about the behavior if I’m going to help. In addition, the family needs to be non-judgmental as well. Teenagers do not cut for the attention and as I stated above they are embarrassed about their behavior. If they sense that someone is viewing them in a negative way, they will not talk about it. Additionally, teenagers who are engaged in cutting hide their cuts so no one will know about their behavior.

Therefore, when treating or dealing with a teenager who is cutting you need to be patient and non-judgmental. Remember they are resorting to this behavior because it is the only way they are able to deal with the emotions they are feeling and the situations they are facing. Life today can be very overwhelming and often teenagers are not prepared for what they have to face in life and they are embarrassed to ask for help too. Often they are embarrassed because our society looks down on people dealing with mental health issues. I recently had a 13 year old ask me, why don’t we place more emphasis on mental health so people can get the help when they need it? A very good question to ask. Our society has a very strong negative stereotype regarding mental health and therapy. As a result, it is very difficult for teenagers to ask for and receive the mental health care they need.

After being treated for cutting, many teenagers are still embarrassed and feel awkward about their past behavior. Many times teenagers are left with scars on their bodies from cutting. Most families cannot afford plastic surgery and insurance will not cover it, even though it is a mental health need and in my opinion should be covered. The point is many teenagers continue to feel embarrassed and ashamed of the scars years after they have stopped cutting. Below is a blog from a teenager who discusses how they feel about their scars and people’s reactions. It also may help give you some insight to what teenagers are going through these days and how many of them are feeling overwhelmed by life. Instead of ignoring their cries for help we need to figure out how we can help them without making them feel embarrassed or crazy.

My self-harm scars are “hideous.” I’m covered in them. Head to toe. No amount of time, no amount of fading will make them unnoticeable. That doesn’t mean I hate them. It doesn’t mean I’m embarrassed by them. I am aware that they make other people uncomfortable and there are times, when out of respect for others, I will cover them. There are other times when I won’t cover them. Whether I choose to cover them or not, I don’t feel that I should have to explain my choice. If I choose to cover them, it doesn’t mean I’m ashamed or feel forced to cover them. If I choose not to cover them, it doesn’t mean I want attention.

I regularly see people comment on social media saying, “If you make a public post people have the right to say whatever they want.” Apparently this entitles people to be nasty and judgmental. It excuses them from filtering what they say and think. It exempts them from extending basic decency and courtesy to others.

I’ve heard the same said about people who walk around with self-harm scars exposed. No. Just because you can see my scars doesn’t give you a free pass to say what you want. You don’t get to say, “You’re too pretty for that.” You don’t get to say, “You’re too smart for that.” It doesn’t matter whether you know me or not. They are my scars from my battles. Even if you know me, I can guarantee you won’t know all about my battles. You won’t know my darkest moments or thoughts. If you’re a stranger? What could you possibly think you know about my life? You don’t get a say on what my scars look like. You don’t get a say on whether or not I’m too pretty, too smart or too strong for that. You don’t get a say on whether or not I cover them.

Yes, you can see them. Yes, they are “hideous.” Look away. Walk away. Think about it by all means. Talk to someone else about it. If you’re game, educate yourself on it. Take responsibility for what you are doing. Take responsibility for what you are saying. Yes, you can see my scars but that doesn’t make me responsible for your reaction.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. In addition, he specializes in treating victims of trauma and first responders. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.

Cyber bullying during the Coronavirus Pandemic

Cyber bullying during the Coronavirus Pandemic

Bullying is a big problem in our society. In fact, many consider it an epidemic. Also bullying often results in the victim committing suicide. Due to the Pandemic and many children attending school remotely, many people assume bullying is not a big issue at this time. However, bullying no longer just occurs at school. Today most bullying occurs online or via texting. Children who are being bullied are receiving emails, texts and having insults posted on Facebook, Instagram and Snap Chat. Most kids and teens don’t have the cognitive ability to cope with non-stop cyber bullying. Cyber bullying also can occur seven days a week 24 hours a day. As a result, the victims often feel suicide is the only way to stop the bullying.

Statistics by the CDC indicate that between 1 out of every 3 or 4 kids are bullied during their lives. The majority of bullying occurs during middle school. The kids most likely to be bullied are those that are considered different in some way. A boy may be emotional or a girl may not wear the right brand of clothes. These are common reasons many kids are bullied. If you think about it, these are no reasons to bully someone. In fact, there is no reason that justifies bullying.

Bullying has life long effects on those who are bullied, those who bully and those who stand by and watch the bullying happen. Let’s examine the impact of bullying on these different groups:

Kids who are bullied can experience negative physical, school, and mental health issues. Kids who are bullied are more likely to experience:

• Depression and anxiety, increased feelings of sadness and loneliness, changes in sleep and eating patterns, and loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy. These issues may persist into adulthood.

• Health complaints

• Decreased academic achievement—GPA and standardized test scores—and school participation. They are more likely to miss, skip, or drop out of school.

Kids who bully others can also engage in violent and other risky behaviors into adulthood. Kids who bully are more likely to:

• Abuse alcohol and other drugs in adolescence and as adults

• Get into fights, vandalize property, and drop out of school

• Engage in early sexual activity

• Have criminal convictions and traffic citations as adults 

• Be abusive toward their romantic partners, spouses, or children as adults

Kids who witness bullying are more likely to:

• Have increased use of tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs

• Have increased mental health problems, including depression and anxiety

• Miss or skip school

Because Donald Trump bullied many adults on Twitter, many adults failed to realize how cyber bullying impacts teenagers and children. However, as I just outlined above, it does have a serious impact.

The Harlem Globtrotters realized that bullying has a serious impact on children and have developed a program to help address and stop bullying. They call it the ABC program. It is not very difficult and makes a lot of sense. Here is the program:

Action – when you see bullying or are being bullied tell your parents or a teacher.

Bravery – don’t be afraid to walk away from someone who is bullying you. If you see someone bullying someone tell them to stop.

Compassion – if you know someone is being bullied or looks down go over and be nice to the person. Compliment them or encourage them to ignore the bully.

Here is a link to the ABC program so you can watch it and discuss it with your children https://youtu.be/O-TF7x3Q_sk.

If we don’t become active when bullying is occurring, it will never stop. This means teaching our children to speak out against it too. Look at the list above, bullying impacts everyone. It has life long effects on the bullied, the bullies and those who see it. Therefore, we must all act. Additionally, if we assume bullying is not occurring because of the Coronavirus Pandemic, we are wrong!

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist who has over 20 yrs experience treating children and teenagers. He is a founding member of the National Street Soldier Advisory Board, an anti bullying program. For more information about his work and private practice visit his website www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.