The Facts About Sexual Activity in Middle School

The Facts About Sexual Activity in Middle School

Would you give a boy in the 6th grade a condom? San Francisco Unified School District and other school districts now provide 6th graders with condoms. All students need to do is talk to a school counselor and a 6th grader can get a condom.

Why are schools considering this option? They are considering this option because research is showing that teens are becoming sexually active at younger and younger ages. It is not uncommon for kids in the 6th grade to be sexually active. Research studies show 5% of 6th graders are already having sexual intercourse. This is not taking into account oral sex. When I work with middle school and high school students these days I need to ask are you sexually active? I also need to ask are you having oral sex? I often hear yes to oral sex and I am told but that is not sex. When I ask what it is, I am told we are just messing around. Many middle school kids equate oral sex with kissing. This is not reality.

I understand that the San Francisco Schools are trying to protect their students, but I don’t think this is the best way to do it. From my experience working with teens, they usually start thinking about birth control after they are all ready sexually active. Also how much information can be provided in one 30 minute talk. The kids can be told how to use a condom but no one will be discussing the emotional issues and responsibility involved with sex. Also no one will be asking the child if they are ready for this step and are they prepared if the girl gets pregnant?

If we want to keep our children safe then we need to stop making sex such a forbidden subject. The kids need classes in 4th and 5th grade which explain in detail about different sexual acts and the risk they are taking even if they use a condom. For 6th graders to think oral sex is the same as kissing is crazy. It is also crazy why we are saying don’t have sex, when society is telling boys if you want to be a “man” you can’t be a virgin and girls are told if you want a boyfriend you have to give him sex.

Also we need parents not to be embarrassed or shy about talking to their kids about sex. Parents cannot wait until their child starts High School anymore. By the time many kids start high school, it’s too late to be discussing sex. Sexual activity should be something you discuss with your child from preschool on. Of course not going into specific details, but talking at an age appropriate manner. Start educating them about their bodies. If a child sees you are not embarrassed or ashamed they will be more likely to ask you questions before they do something. If parents act like sex is something to be ashamed about a child won’t ask their parents questions.

Also parents you must start the conversation. Many parents tell me they will discuss sex with their child when s/he asks questions until then they will wait. I have teens telling me they won’t ask their parents because it’s too odd talking to their parents about sex. If they don’t ask an adult they are going to learn by trail and error. I have had to become comfortable discussing the subject because many parents tell their teen to ask me. Yes they are getting the information, but they really prefer talking to their parents. I often encourage teens to try talking to their parents explaining that their parents feel just as awkward as they do, but the embarrassment will pass.

The main problems I see with the school handing a 6th grader a condom is no one is really discussing with the child, are they really ready to be sexually active? There is a great amount of responsibility that goes along with being sexually active. You can still catch an STD using a condom so the 6th grader needs to tell their primary care doctor they are sexually active. A girl can still get pregnant using a condom. Are the boy and girl prepared for this situation if it occurs. This is a huge decision to make and I don’t think a 6th grader is mature enough to make it. Also 6th graders are not always paying attention so they may not know how to use a condom appropriately.

Yes it is shocking that 6th graders are having sex. I think a better way to handle the issue is to look at what we are teaching them in the movies, television shows and video games they are watching and playing. Sex is not a game and we are treating it like a game. This doesn’t help kids in 6th grade. We need real sex education in school and at home.

In therapy often boys will tell me they think they are ready for sex. I ask them are you sure this is the girl you want to have your first time with? I also remind them they only have one first time. I also ask are they ready for the emotions that go along with sex? The biggest one I ask is are you prepared to handle if she gets pregnant? Condoms are not a 100% guarantee. The question that always gets me is when they ask how they can get a condom? I tell them you can buy them at any drug store. I often hear I would be too embarrassed to go buy condoms. My response is if you are too embarrassed to by them then in my opinion you are not emotionally ready for sex. In my opinion handing 6th graders condoms will result in more teens being sexually active who are not emotionally ready to be sexually active. We need to think about that point.

Parents you also need to let your child know they can discuss sex with you. May be you may not agree with them about their opinions, but they need to know they can talk with you and don’t have to be afraid of getting into trouble. The main reason I hear from teens about why they don’t talk to their parents is they are afraid their parents will get mad, they will get a lecture and get into trouble.

I don’t think anyone feels a 6th grader is ready for sex, but it is happening every day. If we are going to do what is best for kids, we need to help them feel safe to discuss sex with us. If we don’t the consequences can be severe for everyone involved.

Dr. Michael Rubino has over 20 years experience working with teens in middle and high school and is considered an expert in this area. For more information about Dr. Rubino and his work visit his website at www.rcs-ca.com or visit his Facebook page at facebook.com/drrubino3 or on Twitter @RubinoTherapy.

Facts about Teenagers and Heroin

Facts about Teenagers and Heroin

Many teens die from suicide and drug abuse. Suicide is the third leading cause of deaths for children 10 to 24 years old. One thing that contributes to teenage suicide is drug use. Specifically, the use of pain killers and heroin. In this article I attempt to describe both issues for parents. It is important for parents to be aware of these issues if we are going to stop them.

ABC 20/20 did a very good show the other night about the epidemic of heroin use in the United States. If you did not see it, you can probably find it on their website. Parents this is a show you need to see because many teenagers I work with are not afraid or concerned about how dangerous heroin can be.

According to ABC 20/20, 129 people die every year from a heroin overdose. A majority of these deaths are teens and people in their twenties. Heroin is used by people in the lower income level and by people who are the wealthiest in the country. It is used by whites, blacks, Hispanics basically every ethnic group. It is also used by males and females. Therefore, for the families in Lafayette, Walnut Creek and Danville who say we don't have that problem here, yes you do. Also for parents and educators who think that if their child is in a private school they are less likely to use, you are wrong too. Heroin crosses all ethnic and economic boundaries. The epidemic is so severe some schools are teaching children in the 6th grade how to use Narcan. This drug can reverse an overdose of heroin if administered in time.

Therefore, parents in the Bay Area, you need to pay attention to this issue and these facts. You might be saving the life of your child or someone else you love.

As stated Heroin use to to be a drug of the past but it is now very popular with teens. Heroin is a cheaper alternative to many other drugs. For $10 a teenager can buy a capsule of heroin. This is much cheaper than other drugs.

Heroin is still mainly snorted or injected. Because it is injected teens are exposing themselves to HIV and Hepatitis C. Both are life threatening conditions with no cure. Also many girls who use heroin get pregnant but don't realize they are pregnant until the 4th or 5th month. The girls stop but it is too late. The babies will be born drug addicted and if they live through withdrawals, these children will have on going health issues and learning disabilities. In addition to exposing themselves to diseases most teens use Heroin with other drugs such as alcohol. This makes the probability of overdosing on Heroin even higher. Heroin lowers a persons breathing rate and the drugs they are combining it with lower the breathing rate even more making an accidental over dose more likely. The rate of overdosing from Heroin has quadrupled over the years.

Why is Heroin coming back and very popular with teens? Heroin is very similar to the Opioid based pain killers that teens have been using for years. However, with the cost of pain killers rising on the streets and becoming harder to get due to new prescription laws, heroin is easier to get and cheaper. Also teens tend to like the high better. It is not uncommon for someone to get addicted after using heroin one time. Also with the Opioid epidemic in our country, teens are now more likely to try heroin because it is easier to get and cheaper.

In the last few years heroin use has doubled in teenagers. What teens are at the highest risk? Those who have been using Opioid pain killers, those abusing marijuana and males. Remember it is very common for teens to combine heroin with other drugs and they are unaware of the impact it has on their breathing. They may collapse and not know why and by the time their friends get them to an emergency room it's too late. Also teens may go to sleep after using and their breathing rate is so shallow they never wake up.

This is a very dangerous drug. If it doesn't kill when the teen uses it the drug can kill when the teen contracts HIV or Hepatitis C. The rate of teens using this drug has doubled and the amount of people dying from an overdose has quadrupled over the last few years. Again, parents you cannot ignore this issue. Heroin is being used by upper class children and poor children, athletes, and all races. So it is impacting all teens.

The other major issue with this drug is stopping. Someone cannot just go off heroin. People can die from withdraw. However, finding a treatment center that is affordable or with an open space is very difficult. They may have to wait four months to get into a rehab center. This is very dangerous. When someone decides to stop heroin, they need to enter rehab immediately. If they have to wait even 2 days, they may not make it because they cannot stand the withdrawal symptoms.

If we get involved we can hopefully stop teens from using this highly addictive killer. I have attached a link to a handout by the CDC with facts, warning signs and suggestions to help your son if you think he is using heroin. http://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/heroin/
http://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/heroin/

In addition to these issues, Heroin and drug abuse is linked to teenage suicide. These drugs besides creating a high, create depression. At times a depression so severe that a teenager decides they would be better off dead and they commit suicide. For the age group 10 to 24 years old, suicide is the third leading cause of death. Therefore, we need to pay attention to the pain killers and other drugs kids are using. And yes 10 year old kids are using these drugs too.

Many times the teen has decided they want to get clean and stop using the drug. However, as I mentioned above, finding an affordable treatment program with an open bed can be very difficult. Some teenagers may need to wait 2 months. This can be two months two long. The teenager may be so depressed and tired of living the drug life that they decide to kill themselves rather than endure the emotional and physical pain of waiting two months.

Another point is for some teenagers they have to try four or five times in rehab before they are successful. Again most teenagers are usually dealing with severe depression at this point. For them the thought of trying again and not succeeding is to much to tolerate. Therefore, they chose the option of suicide to eliminate their pain.

Finally, I mentioned a number of teenagers can overdose by accident, however it may not be an accident. These teens know these drugs very well so they know how to stage what will look like an accidental overdose. Therefore, we really don't know how many teenagers are committing suicide due to being sick and tired of using drugs and living a drug life. Many of the accidental overdosages could really be suicides. There is no way to tell.

What we know is drug use and suicide are at an epidemic rate for teenagers. It is at a point where we need to get aggressive and provide better access to rehabilitation programs and better access to psychotherapy so the depression can be treated. We need a multi-disciplinary approach to this issue and we need to make it easy for teenagers and parents to use it.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist who has been working with teens for over 20 years and he is considered an expert in this field. For more information about Dr. Michael Rubino and his private practice visit his website at www.rubinocounseling.com or his Facebook page at http://www.Facebook.com/DrRubino3.

Alarming Facts about Boys and Guns 

Alarming Facts about Boys and Guns 

I recently read an article by Cody Fenwick regarding children and gun violence. His article was so alarming that it inspired me to write this article.
Many of us feel because we live in Pleasant Hill, Walnut Creek or Lafayette that our children and teenagers do not have to worry about gangs or gun violence. Unfortunately, this is not the truth. According to a new research study in the Journal of Pediatrics, guns continue to be the third-leading cause of death for Americans younger than 18 years old, killing around 1,300 children and teenagers a year in the United States. In addition, almost 6,000 children and teenagers are injured per year. Many teenagers are permanently disabled from these injuries.

The study examined data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the Consumer Product Safety Commission between 2002 and 2014. The study found that boys, especially older boys such as teenagers and minorities, were much more likely to be the victims of gun violence. The study did not say anything about where the boys lived. The facts are children who are male and teenagers, are at a higher risk for becoming a victim of gun violence. Therefore, teenagers in our area are at risk of becoming a victim of gun violence.

The study does indicate there has been a decrease in accidental deaths such as boys cleaning a gun. However, the rate as a method for suicide has increased. I have mentioned before that suicide is the third leading cause of death for 10 year old boys. This study confirms that statistic and indicates the preferred method of suicide for boys and teenagers are guns. According to Katherine Fowler, one of the lead researchers at the CDC, “Firearm injuries are an important public health problem, contributing substantially to premature death and disability of children.” Understanding their nature [guns] and impact is a first step toward prevention.”

When we look at these numbers, can anyone argue against taking steps to protect our children? Can you imagine a 10 year old boy using a gun to kill himself? Can you imagine a 10 year old boy feeling that his life is so bad at the age of ten that death seems like a better option than living?

The study indicates that in recent years guns were responsible for a large number of adolescent, males who were murdered. The study documented that deaths in the category of murder for boys under the age of 18 years old decreased to 53 percent. This is a decrease yet the rate is still 53%. The other causes of gun-related deaths include:

 • 38 percent — suicides

 • 6 percent — unintentional deaths

 • 3 percent — law enforcement/undetermined cause

The study found 82% of deaths by guns were boys. This means 82% of gun deaths were boys who were children or teenagers. Putting it another way, this means these boys were not even 18 years old yet at the time of their deaths. The study also found that white and American Indian children have the highest rate of suicide using a gun.

We also like to think that the United States in one of the most advanced nations in the world. However, the statistics show that the United States has the highest rate in the world for children under 14 years old committing suicide. Again, the United States has the highest rate of children under 14 years old using a gun to commit suicide. That number scares me and is appalling to me. However, as an adolescent and child psychotherapist, I do not doubt it. I have heard 6 year old boys seriously discussing suicide.

As a society, we need to look at these numbers and ask ourselves some questions. What are we going to do in order to improve gun safety? Most importantly, why are children as young as 6 years old thinking about suicide? Also what are we going to do so that children who are suicidal have access to mental health care? This is our problem because it does happen in Pleasant Hill, Walnut Creek and Lafayette. 

Dr. Rubino has 20 years experience as a psychotherapist working with children and teenagers. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at http://www.RubinoCounseling.com. 

Making Decisions During A Divorce

Making Decisions During A Divorce

Making Decisions During Divorce
by Dr. Michael Rubino | Rubino Counseling Services | Pleasant Hill, CA 
As a psychotherapist who specializes in treating children and teenagers, I have worked on many high-conflict divorces. I have been the therapist for the children, an expert witness regarding custody, worked on mediation teams, and served as a 730 court-appointed expert regarding custody and visitation. In these roles there is a common issue I have encountered: Making decisions.
Divorce cases become vicious when one parent is reluctant to make decisions. They feel they have made too many concessions already. The decisions become a matter of pride rather than what is in everyone’s best interest.
I meet with parents to tell them how their children are handling the divorce. Inevitably, within the first half-hour the parents tell me how unfair the divorce has become, how much it has cost them, and that they’re running out of money. Mothers believe the courts and attorneys are unfair toward mothers; fathers believe the courts and attorneys are unfair toward fathers. The children feel like they are in the middle of a civil war and that they need to pick a side. The stress causes them to have difficulties with their school work and their parents. Teenagers often begin using alcohol or drugs as a temporary escape from the stress. Younger children usually start reporting stomachaches and headaches and often start to wet their beds at night again.
I encourage parents to take a step back and look at the entire situation. What is the divorce costing them financially, emotionally? More importantly, what is the divorce costing their children emotionally in the short-term and long-term? I ask: Is the price worth the fight? Is it worth damaging the relationship with your children and how your children will view relationships for the rest of their lives? Are you causing irreparable damage to the relationship with your spouse? After the divorce is finalized, will you be able to co-parent together?
For the sake of their children, I encourage parents to put their egos away. I encourage them to imagine how their children are feeling and will feel if the fighting continues. I recommend that when making decisions, such as child support calculations and visitation schedules, to put your pride aside and do what is best for your children. This is a save-all in all high-conflict divorces except when domestic violence, child abuse, or severe substance abuse is an issue and a different approach is required. It is your responsibility as a parent to seek an amicable resolution that paves the way for successful co-parenting.

Dr. Michael Rubino has worked with children, teenagers and divorce cases for over 19 years. For more information regarding Dr. Rubino, visit his website http://www.rcs-ca.com or Follow him on Twitter at Twitter.com/RubinoTherapy.