Teenagers and Adults Are Desperate for Love

Teenagers and Adults Are Desperate for Love

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and many people are focusing on love and relationships. Many people are familiar with this line, “you complete me,” from the movie, Jerry McGuire, starring Tom Cruise. A deaf couple signs this message to each other in an elevator and Tom Cruise’s character assumes they must really be in love. However, this may not be the reality. In reality it may be an unhealthy relationship.

As a psychotherapist with 20 years experience treating couples and teenagers, I have observed a common mistake that many people make regarding relationships and love. Many people tell me they feel an emptiness inside themselves and describe it as a “big empty hole.” They assume that a relationship will fill this emptiness. In other words, they are relying on their partner to eliminate the empty feeling they are experiencing.

This is a mistake. The only person that can fill that emptiness you feel is you. When I work with couples or an individual who is experiencing this emptiness, they usually are upset with their partner. They are upset because their partner is not filling the emptiness. Also the other partner is frustrated because they are tired of having to constantly reassure their partner. They report they are tired of always having to worry about meeting their partner needs and that their needs are constantly being pushed aside.

This type of pattern is very common in relationships where there is domestic violence or a substance abuse problem. Also jealousy is a major issue in these relationships. The person who is experiencing the emptiness is very sensitive to feeling rejected or abandoned. This is usually a result from childhood issues that have never been addressed. However, as an adult, if they sense these feelings in their relationship they tend to over react to them. The person may drink excessively to reduce their fears and men often result to verbal or physical abuse. Anything that will keep their partner in the relationship and continue to fill the empty space.

This tends to occur because as we grow up there is a great deal of pressure for people to be in relationships. You see this in children in first grade or kindergarten when adults jokingly ask children if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. If a child doesn’t they often feel there is something wrong with them.

I see this issue a lot with teenagers. I have teenagers who feel they are defective because they never had a girlfriend or boyfriend. This defective feeling increases significantly, if the teenager never has been on a date. They believe if they are going to be a “normal” teenager, they must at least be dating. Boys tend to believe they must be sexually active too. I have had teenagers tell me they felt suicidal or were using drugs because they did not have a girlfriend or boyfriend. They are willing to risk their lives using drugs or believe they are better off dead, if they don’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend. They are so tied up trying to live the stereotype, they can’t believe that many teenagers do not have a girlfriend or boyfriend and do not date in High School.

This pattern continues into adulthood. Many women feel defective if they are 30 years old and not married. Men feel as if they are not men if they do not have a girlfriend. Both men and women often settle for anyone as long as they can say they are in a relationship.

As children, we never learn how to love and care for ourselves. Ask someone if they would go out to dinner by themselves and most people look terrified by the idea. They have no idea what they would do and they are afraid about what other people with think. This is a sad state that we cannot love ourselves. If we always need someone to reinforce we are lovable, we turn our power over to strangers. If someone says something nice about us we feel good, if they say something hurtful, we feel unworthy as a person. But, why should someone else determine our value? We should be the one who judges if we are lovable or not. A relationship should add to our life like a bottle of wine adds to a meal. A relationship should not define us as a person.

As a result of this problem, many couples end up divorcing because a partner is tired of having to reassure their spouse daily. I have seen these divorces become very nasty and costly. So both parties are hurt even more and so are the children. They only people benefiting are the attorneys.

We also have this same issue with teenagers. However, when they break up it tends to be more dramatic. A teenager may start to use drugs, develop an eating disorder, start cutting, become depressed and may attempt suicide. The behaviors are not uncommon after teenagers break up.

We see this acting out behavior more in teenagers and children. Teenagers and children are desperate to feel that they are loved by their parents especially. If they don’t feel they are loved, there is a tendency to act out. Disney’s movie, Frozen, has a segment where the trolls explain that if someone doesn’t feel loved they may act out in pain or make poor decisions in an attempt to find love. Oprah, during her last show, had a very good way of expressing this need. She stated, “everyone wants to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you.” The program Challenge Day, which Oprah recommends, states what teens are looking for this way: every teenager wants to feel safe, loved and celebrated. I see it every day, when teens don’t feel loved, they act out. Negative attention is better than no attention.

How do we handle this issue? We need to start to acknowledge as a society that a relationship doesn’t make you a complete person. Only you can make yourself feel complete as a person. Also we need to remove the stigma of seeking mental health care. We need to encourage adults who feel incomplete without a relationship to seek psychotherapy and deal with their issues. Parents, if you notice that your teenager is desperate to be in a relationship, help them get psychotherapy so they can deal with the pain they are feeling. Remember this emptiness feeling typically begins in childhood. Therefore, if we show children and teens that they are loved or get them help when they are acting out, we can prevent them from dealing with this emptiness for years.

Again, please remember a relationship should add to your life, it should not make you a person or define you as a person.

Dr. Michael Rubino has 20 years experience working with families and teenagers. If you would like more information about his work or private practice visit his website at http://www.rubinocounseling.com or his Facebook page http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

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How to Have A Safe Super Bowel Party

How to Have A Safe Super Bowel Party

This weekend people will be watching the playoffs to see who will plain in the Super Bowl. As I stated in my previous article for many it is a day to party and have fun, but it is also the day when the most domestic violence occurs. This statistic is for adults and teenagers. So, how do you have a safe, fun Super Bowl Sunday? You need to develop a plan that reduces stress and too much drinking.

First, remember that it is just a day and just a football game. Therefore, if everything is not perfect such as you don’t have all the food you wanted or things are not arranged how you wanted, do not stress over it. You can still enjoy the game without a lot food or alcohol. Also if everything is not arranged perfectly, you can still enjoy the game. In other words, do not stress and argue over minor details.

If you are going to have small children around, set up a separate room with food and activities for them. Many children under 10 years old will lose interest in the game and if there is nothing else for them to do, they will want attention and distract people from the game. Therefore, set up another room where they can watch other television shows and have games to play. This way they are not bored and they can enjoy themselves.

People drinking too much is a common problem during Super Bowl parties. Therefore, when your friends arrive, tell them you care about them and their safety. Therefore, you want everyone to put their car keys in the basket as they enter. This way if someone accidentally has too much to drink, you can give them a ride home. This way if someone has too much to drink, you don’t have to argue about them driving if they are not safe to drive. This can help avoid an argument and a possible physical fight.

Also watch how much alcohol you are serving. If you are serving alcohol, serve food too. The food helps to absorb the alcohol and decreases the likelihood that someone will drink too much. Also towards the end of the game stop serving alcohol and switch to sodas. If someone has had too much to drink, this gives them a chance for their body to process the alcohol they consumed so they can lower their blood alcohol level.

Another good idea is to set rules for your party. Announce to your guests that you want everyone to have a good time and no arguing or fighting. Therefore, cheering for their team or favorite player is fine, but you do not want any name calling nor is there to be any insulting other people at the party. Also good nature teasing is fine but no swearing and if someone asks you to stop the joking, respect their request. Bottom line, state that regardless of who wins or loses, you expect everyone to act like adults and to treat each other respectfully so it is a fun day for everyone.

It would also be helpful to remember the acronym HALT:

H – hungry

A – angry

L – lonely

T – tired, too much alcohol

If you notice someone expressing these emotions or drinking too much, this is a situation which could result in an argument or violence. Therefore, if you notice a potential violent situation, try talking to the person to see what is bothering them. If you notice a couple arguing try having one person step outside with you for a time out so they can calm down. You may want to let them know that they seem slightly upset and you are just checking-in to see if there is a problem and if you can help. Instead of ignoring the situation try to offer some help so people can calm down. This can help a great deal.

At the end of your party, if someone is not sober enough to drive, offer to drive them home. Remember all the car keys are in a basket so you do not have to argue to get the car keys. Remind them that you are only offering to drive because you care about them. You do not want to see them arrested for driving under the influence, you do not want to see them get into a car accident and you definitely do not want to see them kill someone else or themselves in a car accident.

If you notice a couple who appear to be arguing, offer to allow one person to stay for a while and you will drive them home later. Giving them a chance to calm down could help avoid a domestic violent incident. If after a little while the person at your house or the person who went home tells you they do not feel safe around the other person right now – listen to them! Offer to let the person stay at your house for the night. You do not want to assign blame to anyone. Simply state that they seem to be having a stressful day and instead of them both staying in the same house that night and arguing all night and arguing in front of the children is not a good idea. It is okay if they need to take a break for the night and talk about it tomorrow. You are providing them and the children with a safe environment and hopefully avoiding a domestic violent incident. Many people are afraid to step in and offer help when they see a potential domestic violent situation. However, if more people offered to help and did not shame the family, the incidence of domestic violence could decrease and more people may be willing to seek help.

If you are a couple who are having incidents with domestic violence, discuss the issue before the day. Hopefully, the two of you are in psychotherapy and can discuss the issue in a therapy session. Discussing a potential problem with a therapist or even a friend prior to the event can be very helpful. If you are not in therapy and afraid to talk to a friend and do not feel safe call the following number for help: The National Domestic Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Someone will answer 24 hours a day, 356 days a year. Do not be embarrassed to call. If you need help, please reach out and ask for it before someone gets seriously injured or killed.

Hopefully these suggestions help and you can enjoy the game in a fun peaceful environment.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience treating teenagers and he is certified to assess and treat domestic violence. If you want additional information regarding Dr. Rubino’s work or his private practice visit his websites http://www.rcs-ca.com, http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Facts about The Super Bowel and Domestic Violence

Facts about The Super Bowel and Domestic Violence

The professional football season is coming to an end quickly. This means that Super Bowl weekend will be here very soon. For many people Super Bowel Sunday is a day of fun and to have a party. Many people look forward to Super Bowl parties and having a fun weekend. However, it is not a fun weekend for everyone. For many it is a weekend of terror. Super Bowel Sunday is when the most incidents of domestic violence occurs. The domestic violence is not only limited to adult couples in a relationships. Domestic violence occurs in teenage dating relationships too. Additionally, domestic violence occurs in heterosexual and homosexual relationships.

Because people tend to drink more alcohol at the parties this can raise tensions between people. The result can be arguments and physical violence. In fact, as I stated above, some statistics rate Super Bowl Sunday as the day of the year that the most domestic violence occurs. If a woman is pregnant and there is already domestic violence occurring, she is at a greater risk of being a victim of domestic violence on Super Bowel Sunday. In fact, it is serious enough that the NFL has started running PSAs regarding domestic violence around Super Bowl Sunday.

To get a better idea click this link http://jezebel.com/the-super-bowl-domestic-violence-ad-was-a-real-woman-ca-1683220170 and read the statistics and watch the PSA.

The other issue is that children are exposed to the domestic violence which occurs on Super Bowl Sunday and the rest of the year. This can have a serious impact on children. They can grow up thinking it is acceptable to hit their partner or to be verbally abusive to their partner. They may also grow up thinking that if they are hit by a boyfriend or girlfriend that they deserve it. So they do not end the relationship or seek help because they believe the deserve to be abused.

Domestic Violence is a very complex problem that can go back many generations in a family. It can also be the source of bullying that we see at schools. Therefore, domestic violence effects the entire family. It effects adults and children in very dramatic ways. If you are experiencing domestic violence in your family or relationship, please seek professional help. Click on the following link https://www.thehotline.org/, it will provide you access to the National Domestic Abuse Help Line where you can call or chat on line to get help 24 hours a day, 356 days a year.

As I stated above, children who witnessed domestic violence are impacted by it too. Domestic violence occurs with teenagers too and is just as serious. Click this link and learn the shocking facts https://youtu.be/DdkTefhy6JM.

I encourage you to learn more about this issue and to talk to your teenagers about it. No one has a right to hit them or to verbally tear them apart. Again, if you are a victim of domestic violence or there is domestic violence in your family reach out for help. Domestic violence does not improve on its own, it only gets worse. Click on the link above or talk to your primary care doctor or a teacher, but reach out for help, it is out there.

Dr. Michael Rubino specializes in treating children and adolescents and he is certified in the assessment and treatment of Domestic Violence. Dr. Rubino has over 20 years experience as a psychotherapist. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at http://www.rubinocounseling.com or his Facebook page http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or follow him on Twitter @Rubinotherapy.

Parents Can and Do Make Mistakes

Parents Can and Do Make Mistakes

As a psychotherapist who works with children and teenagers, I often hear parents who are worried about making a mistake as a parent. They are afraid that if they make a mistake, this will have a terrible impact on their teenager. There is really no need to worry as much as many parents do. No one is perfect, therefore most parents will make a mistake as a parent at some point during their child’s life. I have written other articles pointing out that when teenagers make a mistake that it can be a learning experience. The same thing is true for parents. However, when a parent makes a mistake they learn a lesson and they also teach their children how to handle mistakes and that they are normal. Therefore, when a parent makes a mistake, both the parent and child learn a lesson.

I recently read a blog by Dr. Macheo Payne. The blog focused on the fact that parents do make mistakes. It also points out how when a parent makes a mistake both the parent and child learn a lesson. His blog focused on fathers making mistakes. This is an important point. When fathers make a mistake and serve as role models to their sons that mistakes are normal, it helps to eliminate the old misguided stereotype about fathers and men that most males in our society learned as the grew up. However, his points apply to both fathers and mothers. Since I hear many parents, in my office, who worry about making a mistake as a parent, I have included his comments below. Hopefully, this will help parents look at parenting mistakes in a new light.

Dr. Payne wrote the following about parenting mistakes:

I’ve done hundreds of trainings over the past 20 years on many different topics, but never the topic of a Fathers’ role in the social emotional development of children. I was intrigued and felt qualified, not because of 10 years experience in youth mental health & behavioral health, nor because I teach child development at the masters level, but I felt qualified because of my two sons and what they have taught me over the past 14 years.

As a father, I felt more qualified than as a professional ‘expert’ because of the vulnerability involved in parenting. In preparation for the training, I outlined a series of discussions & activities that highlighted key research (attachment theories, culturally responsive theories & practices, ACES, Love languages, & other child development theories) but the majority of my preparation involved framing discussions of the failures of parenting.

I introduced the statement that as a father, I fail everyday. And I expect failures, big & small everyday. I gave examples that included yelling, skipping story time because I’m tired, or simply failing to meet any emotional need of my son because of outdated gender expectation (stop crying, etc.). Compassionate readers will quickly normalize such examples but it’s not about the examples as much as it is about the reality of parenting like any other endeavor being filled with success and failures everyday.

How does this make me a good father? It doesn’t, but by acknowledging it, it positions me to be more reflective of my failure, enabling me to make adjustments that I might be yelling at my children to do. If I recognize and acknowledge my failure and mistakes, to myself, and sometimes to my children, I model for them the ability to reflect when we have been wrong and adjust our response next time.

In this way, failure becomes the critical event that can facilitate being a better father. Like a good friend told me when my first son was born: When a child is born, two parents are born also. This resonated with me to be gentle with myself as a new Dad and fostering the kind of emotional patience that helps children develop emotionally in a way that failure is seen and experienced as a lesson not a loss.

It is very important for parents to remember they are not perfect and will make mistakes. In my office, I point out to parents how they handle these mistakes can be very beneficial to teenagers, as you just read above. Also a parent who tries to act like they do not make mistakes, give teenagers an unrealistic perspective about the world and parenting.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist who specializes in treating children and teenagers. He has over 20 years experience working with teenagers. To find out more about Dr. Rubino’s work with teenagers or his private practice visit his website http://www.RubinoCounseling.com

Family and the Holidays

Family and the Holidays

It is the Holiday Season and many people think about family in addition to gifts. However, in our fast pace world and chaotic lives we sometimes forget the importance of passing on traditions from generation to generation. Another problem that impacts this is our society has become very mobile. We no longer live close to our relatives. It’s not uncommon for grandchildren to live in California and grandparents to live back east. Also with jobs becoming more difficult to find and the cost of living increasing families are moving where ever they can find a job or to a place to live that is affordable.

However, since many families are not living close to each other, family members cannot provide they support they could in the past, such as watching grandchildren after school. Additionally, children cannot as easily establish close relationships with grandparents and aunts and uncles, when they live close by. These adults could serve as additional role models and inform parents if something seemed off with the child. They are also able to spend additional time with the children and reinforce what parents are teaching their children and reinforce the family traditions and values.

The other thing that the close connection to generations provided was a sense of security. If there was a problem a child knew they could turn to their parents, aunts or uncles or cousins. It also helped a child’s self-esteem. You had the adults who could reinforce that you were worthy and you had cousins who would defend you at school or in the neighborhood because you were worth it. Also your older cousins could help you learn what to expect as you went from grade to grade. There was a sense of support and security that most children don’t have today. Furthermore, children with support from extended family members are less likely to get involved with drugs and alcohol.

The advancement in computers and communication may provide a way to try to recreate this sense of family. With such things as Skype, where you can talk and see the other person, it’s almost like being with the person, but it is not the same. Children can Skype with grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins too. We just have to make time for it. For those families that live close to each other, you need to remember the value of family and make time for family. At times it may be difficult, but you will find that the time and effort are worth it. I have found that children with close family ties and connections to their cultures do better in school and life. They have a sense of pride and a sense of where the came from that other children don’t.

I have attached a link to an article with a link to an article about sharing traditions with family. Check out this article from First 5 LA: http://www.first5la.org/index.php?r=site/article&id=3615&utm_content=buffere936a&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer.

I think you will find it interesting.

Dr Michael Rubino has been working with children/teens and their families for over 20 years and is well respected. For more information at Dr Rubino’s work or his private practice visit his website at http://www.rcs-ca.com or his Facebook page http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Dealing with the Holidays and Visitation after a Divorce

Dealing with the Holidays and Visitation after a Divorce

After a divorce there are still issues to address. One of the major issues is child custody and visitation, especially exchanges for visitations. The issues usually are addressed in the divorce settlement and the Court Mediation report. However, even though the Mediation Agreement attempts to address these issues, there are usually still issues. My experience working with divorced families is that these issues often become a major problem and source of stress during the Holidays. Each parent tends to have their own opinion on how to handle visitation during the Holidays.

I have parents who are divorced come in very often arguing about issues that occur during visitation exchanges. A majority of times these issues are addressed by the Mediation Agreement. However, many parents are still fighting with each other after their divorce is final. Typically I see this when one or both parents are not ready to let go of each other yet. Arguing over the visitation exchanges is a way to still keep them in contact with each other. However, parents do not pay attention to the price the children are paying. By focusing on visitation exchanges this puts the children in the middle of the divorce.

By focusing on visitation and putting the children in the middle of the divorce, I see children who become depressed and anxious. Often these children start acting out at school and home and their grades start to decline. Also many of these children often start drinking or using marijuana so they can numb themselves out and ignore their parents’ arguments. Most of these children ask me, why can’t they just stop fighting? They are already divorced, what else do they want?

Goldberg Jones is a very good divorce attorney who writes articles regarding issues related to divorce and how these issues impact the children and the family. He wrote a very good article regarding visitation exchange issues. I found the suggestions very good and helpful. I would recommend that divorced parents read these ideas and try them. Therefore, I have included them in this article for you to review and try. You have nothing to lose by trying and you could help reduce the stress your children experience with visitation. You may also reduce your stress and frustration and allow yourself to let go of the marriage and move on with your life.

How often visitation issues occur often depends on the custody agreement, parenting plan, and level of visitation. It may be a couple of times a week, once a month, or around major holidays, but it’s likely going to be a repeating event.

In the best of times, even if both parents can be civil, custody exchanges will probably still be a little awkward. In less amicable scenarios, prepare for outward hostility that resembles the opening scene in Saving Private Ryan. Pack a helmet and prepare to duck.

In more combative circumstances, it helps to have a strategy in place to keep things civil. That’s easier on everyone, especially the kids. There are ways to cut down the amount of face time and limit the friction. It may never be easy or ideal, but it helps with stress level and peace of mind, for both the parents and the children—no kid wants to watch mom and dad fight.

1. CUSTODY EXCHANGES AT THE BABYSITTER’S

In contentious situations, the more you see your ex, the more potential there is for friction and conflict. Sometimes it’s simply best not to see each other if you can avoid it. There are practical ways to circumvent this. One common approach is to make custody exchanges at a babysitter’s house or at daycare.

One parent drops the kids off and the other parent picks them up. If you schedule it right, the two of you may almost never come face-to-face. Because there are other people involved, you may encounter scheduling hurdles. Clear communication about who is picking up the kids and when is key. But once you iron out the kinks, this strategy helps limit contact and potential fights.

2. CUSTODY EXCHANGES AT SCHOOL

Similar to using daycare to facilitate custody exchanges, you can use your child’s education to the same end. Again, one parent drops the kids off at school in the morning while the other picks them up after. This has the desired effect of not having to see your ex more than is absolutely necessary. It can be useful in situations where parents are prone to fighting.

Like with the child care, you’ll need to arrange this with school administrators. Schools like to know they’re handing kids over to right people. But if there is clear communication between all the involved parties, it’s possible to make these arrangements work.

3. CUSTODY EXCHANGES IN PUBLIC

Many people want to avoid causing a scene in public. If you and your ex can’t handle custody exchanges without fighting, consider meeting in a public place. Choose a neutral spot where neither parent is likely to start a ruckus. If such a place exists. In some situations, nowhere is off limits, but being exposed often encourages both parties to be on their best behavior.

Where depends a great deal on the people involved. Pick a centrally located park. The mall, a restaurant, or a coffee shop where you know the regulars are all options. Extreme cases may call for supervised visitation centers or even a police station. Then again, if you just kind of rub each other the wrong way from time to time, a supermarket parking lot may work fine.

4. INVITE A THIRD PARTY WITNESS

While people are reluctant to fight in public, they’re also often hesitant to start trouble in front of friends or acquaintances. One strategy that can smooth over problematic custody exchanges is bringing along a third party. A mutual friend or even authority figure can help keep the peace, especially if it’s someone who knows both parents.

If there are individuals both of you maintain a relationship with, that might be the ideal fit. This approach often serves to calm down heated emotions. And if things do escalate, having a witness never hurts.

If you do go this route, it’s important to give some thought to who you bring along. If you have a new spouse or significant other, consider the ramifications of their presence. Is that going to touch on a sore spot and ignite lingering resentment? In some situations, it might be best to ride solo instead of risking a potential fight.

5. COMMUNICATE VIA ALTERNATE MEANS

Visitation, overnights, and custody exchanges often become logistical tangles. With football games, school plays, robot camp, and the many other activities children participate in, scheduling gets complicated. Pulling it off requires regular communication. If there are problems in this area, conflict often arises. When it involved kids, some level of contact must exist. Fortunately, there are alternative means of communication.

You may have mutual friends or family members willing to serve as go-betweens. Though it tends to get expensive fast, enlisting a lawyer or mediator is another potential strategy.

Thanks to modern technology, you have more outlets than ever before. If you can’t talk on the phone or in-person, email, texting, instant messaging, and other online options exist. Websites like Our Family Wizard provide shared scheduling services and online tools for co-parenting. There are even numerous smartphone apps for tracking parenting schedules and children’s activities. 6.

6. PREPARE FOR CUSTODY EXCHANGES AHEAD OF TIME

Preparation in advance of custody exchanges is key. The more prepared you are, the faster and smoother they’ll go. Before your ex picks up the kids, take the time to gather everything they need for this particular stay. Whether it’s a quick overnight or a two-week vacation, make sure to gather the essentials.

Did you pack all of the regular medications they take? Do they have all the school books they need to get their homework done? That report on the solar system isn’t going to write itself. If your daughter has a baseball game, pack the mitt and cleats. If your son can’t sleep without his special stuffed zebra, it needs to make the trip. Knowing you have everything set reduces the amount of time you have to interact with someone you’d rather not see.

Think about what the kids can’t live without and send it with them. Otherwise, you risk a middle-of-the-night call or visit from your ex. If the goal is to limit the amount of contact, that defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?

After a divorce, it may be quite some time before you want to see your ex again, if ever. But when you have kids, that’s not really an option. Custody exchanges can be tough, but it’s something you have to deal with.

For the sake of the kids, for their well-being—as well as your own—it’s important to try to make these encounters as smooth and painless as possible. Have a plan, be efficient, and keep your seething emotions in check for a few minutes. Hopefully, that’s all you’ll need. Taking steps to limit conflict in a custody exchange is healthier for everyone involved.

If you have questions about child custody or parenting plans, feel free to contact Goldberg Jones at his San Diego office.

I think these are all very valid points and important issues to consider and feeling that often occur during and after a divorce. I often recommend the same approach and encourage parents to consider the same issues in regards to their children and themselves. Divorce is a very painful experience even when it is handled well and with respect for each other. However, the truth is most children I see for divorce issues are because their parents are still hurting so they children sense it and take on the family pain trying to solve it. So please try these ideas.

Dr. Michael Rubino has over 20 years experience treating children and teenagers. He is an expert in treating children who are involved in a high conflict divorce. For more information regarding Dr. Michael Rubino or his practice visit his website at http://www.rcs-ca.com or michaelrubino.tribesites.com or Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/drrubino3.