Drinking and Domestic Violence has A Significant Impact on Kids and Teens

The professional football season has come to an end. This means that Super Bowl weekend will be here. For many people Super Bowel Sunday is a day of fun and to have a party. Many people look forward to Super Bowl parties and having a fun weekend. However, it is not a fun weekend for everyone. For many it is a weekend of terror. Super Bowl Sunday is when the most incidents of domestic violence occurs in the US (CDC). The domestic violence is not only limited to adult couples in a relationships. Domestic violence occurs in teenage dating relationships too. Additionally, domestic violence occurs in heterosexual and homosexual relationships.

Because people tend to drink more alcohol at the parties this can raise tensions between people. The result can be arguments and physical violence. In fact, as I stated above, some statistics rate Super Bowl Sunday as the day of the year that the most domestic violence occurs. If a woman is pregnant and there is already domestic violence occurring, she is at a greater risk of being a victim of domestic violence on Super Bowl Sunday. In fact, it is serious enough that the NFL has started running PSAs regarding domestic violence around Super Bowl Sunday.

To get a better idea click this link http://jezebel.com/the-super-bowl-domestic-violence-ad-was-a-real-woman-ca-1683220170 and read the statistics and watch the PSA.

The other issue is that children are exposed to the domestic violence which occurs on Super Bowl Sunday and the rest of the year. This can have a serious impact on children. They can grow up thinking it is acceptable to hit their partner or to be verbally abusive to their partner. They may also grow up thinking that if they are hit by a boyfriend or girlfriend that they deserve it. So they do not end the relationship or seek help because they believe the deserve to be abused.

Domestic Violence is a very complex problem that can go back many generations in a family. It can also be the source of bullying that we see at schools. Therefore, domestic violence effects the entire family. It effects adults and children in very dramatic ways. If you are experiencing domestic violence in your family or relationship, please seek professional help. Click on the following link https://www.thehotline.org/, it will provide you access to the National Domestic Abuse Help Line where you can call or chat on line to get help 24 hours a day, 356 days a year.

As I stated above, children who witnessed domestic violence are impacted by it too. Domestic violence occurs with teenagers too and is just as serious. Click this link and learn the shocking facts https://youtu.be/DdkTefhy6JM.

I encourage you to learn more about this issue and to talk to your teenagers about it. No one has a right to hit them or to verbally tear them apart. Again, if you are a victim of domestic violence or there is domestic violence in your family reach out for help. Domestic violence does not improve on its own, it only gets worse. Click on the link above or talk to your primary care doctor or a teacher, but reach out for help, it is out there.

Dr. Michael Rubino specializes in treating children and adolescents and he is certified in the assessment and treatment of Domestic Violence. Dr. Rubino has over 25 years experience as a psychotherapist. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.rubinocounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or follow him on Twitter @Rubinotherapy.

Parents Behavior Impacts Children Not A Divorce

Parents say all the time that they are waiting for their children to graduate high school before they divorce. The belief is that divorce hurts children for life. This is not true. Of course every child has difficulties adjusting to a divorce, but it does not ruin their lives. What ruins a child’s life is how their parents act prior to or after the divorce.

I have had many children say to me, “I wish my mom and dad would get a divorce.” Often children are exposed to domestic violence, the issue of a parent having an alcohol or drug problems or emotional abuse between the parents. The children have to listen night after night to their parents fight. This is not good for a child. Most children never tell anyone outside the house because they are embarrassed or afraid that their parents will get mad. However, what they live with at home has a negative effect on their education and how they view relationships and most importantly their self-esteem. The children believe that if they were better people then their parents would not be fighting.

This type of environment will have negative affects on the child as they grow up and when they are adults. The child learns not to trust so forming relationships is difficult and they also tend to associate relationships with emotional pain so they tend to avoid them.

Another common issue that creates problems for children is if their parents decide to divorce. The divorce is not the problem. The problem is how the parents decide to divorce. Some parents decide to make their divorce a war and their primary weapon are the children. The parents make the child feel like they have to choose between mom and dad. This is an impossible choice for a child. Some parents tell their children everything that is happening in Court. A child is not emotionally or cognitively ready to handle this information. As a result many children act out. It is usually the only option the child sees. They are afraid to say anything because dad or mom might get mad. The child is often too embarrassed to say anything because they know their parents are acting immaturely so they say nothing. Again this situation causes younger children to act out at school or day care. In teenagers the common responses are using alcohol or drugs, not doing school work, spending more time in their rooms or out with friends and another common response is to engage in sexual activity. Furthermore, because children have seen the battles of divorce, they become fearful of relationships. They may be afraid that they cannot have a healthy relationship because they had no role model. Therefore, they feel they will continue their parents’ pattern. They may form an idea that a healthy relationship is impossible. As a result, they may stay away from relationships, have superficial relationships or go from relationship to relationship due to their fear of commitment.

If a marriage or a relationship is not working and if the parents can decide to end the marriage in a healthy adult manner, there should be no long term effects on the children. A healthy adult manner means being civil to each other and not using the children as weapons. Remember you can always decide to divorce each other, but that doesn’t mean you stop being parents together. Because the two of you have children together, you have to deal with each other for the rest of your lives. You don’t stop being a parent when a child turns 18. There will be weddings, grandchildren and holidays. So if you don’t want a divorce to have a negative impact on your child, then the two of you need to act like mature adults. This means being civil to each other during the divorce and after. You cannot stop being parents together – remember that fact.

Dr. Michael Rubino has over 25 years experience working with family’s going through the divorce process in addition to treating children, teenagers, trauma victims and first responders. For more information on Dr. Rubino and his private practice visit his website at www.rcs-ca.com or Facebook page, Facebook.com/drrubino3

The Daily Risks LGBTQ+ Teenagers Have to Face

As I have said before, the teenagers in this generation are different from past generations. One way they are different are they question the “norm” and they are setting new standards. One area where they have set new standards is in the area of sexuality. Yes people still identify as gay, lesbian and bisexual, but we have more teenagers identifying as transgender, transsexual and pansexual. Pansexual is a person who is sexually attracted to the person’s personality their gender does not matter.In fact, some teenagers even identify as asexual. Additionally, we have more teenagers who do not identify as male or female. They identify as nonbinary. They feel they have male and female attributes therefore they feel the old labels are too narrow. As a result, they identify as nonbinary so they can be themselves. In fact, you may have noticed this change on demographic forms you need to complete. For gender more people are being given the option to put nonbinary or decline to state.

With demographic forms changing it is a sign that society is acknowledging what teenagers are feeling. We also see this in a recent Supreme Court ruling guaranteeing gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are entitled to the same protection on their jobs as everyone else. The Supreme Court is acknowledging the change in society and this is correct. Homosexual marriage has been legal in our country for a few years and there are many laws addressing the rights of transgender and transexual individuals. These laws are acknowledging that regardless of sexual orientation, we are all human beings entitled to the same rights.However, we have Governors and even Judges on the Supreme Court who are causing people to doubt will the laws protecting those who are not heterosexual remain laws or will the Governors and the Supreme Court revoke these laws that protect everyone regardless of their sexuality or gender.

Some parents are questioning why so many teenagers are questioning their sexuality. The truth, in my opinion, is due to the pandemic and quarantine. There have always been teenagers who identified as LGBTQ+, but they were afraid to say anything due to the discrimination they would face from people. However, spending two years isolated from the world gave many of us time to think and evaluate our lives. Many people have decided to change careers, get divorced and make other changes in their lives after having the time the pandemic gave us to re-evaluate our lives. In my opinion, many LGBTQ+ teenagers decided they were tired of denying their real feelings and identities so the quarantine period gave many the opportunity to decide they were going to stop hiding and be themselves. Therefore, there are not more LGBTQ+ teenagers in the world today, there are simply more teenagers choosing to be themselves.

While there has been progress is it enough? As a psychotherapist who treats adolescents, I would say no. I still have parents who bring their teenager who identifies as homosexual or transgender into therapy. They do not bring the teen in for therapy to help them deal with the social pressures they are encountering at school and other places. No they bring their teen into me so I can fix them. Many parents still consider these feelings to be a teenage phase or that someone convinced their child to think and feel this way. Unfortunately, we are seeing this idea in some of our schools, where parents are trying to ban classic novels and make it a crime for teachers to mention anything that remotely refers to LBGT+ issues or people. One classic novel parents are trying to ban is the book, “To Kill a Mockingbird.” As I stated parents are also trying to restrict what is discussed in high school classes because they believe the school is try to convince their child to change their sexuality.Why would someone select a sexual preference that opens them up to discrimination and possibly being killed? When I explain to parents there is nothing to fix, many parents do not believe me. They tell me they will take their teen to someone who will fix them.

It is true that at times during adolescence or young adulthood, college age, that some people may have doubts about their sexuality and may even experiment. Just because some teens do question doesn’t mean every teenager questions. Think back to when you were a teenager, sexual feelings were very confusing. Therefore, some teens do question. However, I also have seen many teens who are not questioning. I have worked with many teens who know their sexuality for sure. They are not questioning and many of these teens tell me they have known their sexuality since they were little children.This occurs with teenagers who are heterosexual, homosexual and transgender.

When parents still believe that their teens can be fixed and teens are still being harassed and bullied at school due to their sexual feelings, I do not think we have made a lot of progress. In addition to the harassment at school, we have seen a significant increase in the number of violent attacks against transgender teenagers (CDC, Trevor Project). Yes some progress has been made, but we still need to make more progress.No one should be killed just because they don’t identify as heterosexual.

One example that indicates we still need to make progress is suicide. The suicide rate for teenagers in general has increased from the third leading cause of death to the second leading cause of death. However, the rate is much different for homosexual or transgender teenagers. It is estimated that the suicide rate for teens who identify as homosexual, transgender, transsexual or questioning is five times the rate of the “average” teenager (The Trevor Project)). Think about this, for the general population of teens suicide is the second leading cause of death and those who identify as LGBT+ are five times more likely than the average teen to commit suicide. This is a significant difference. More importantly it means there are millions of teens killing themselves due to their sexual feelings and stereotypes that are outdated. Also the five times is an estimate. Many teens who attempt or commit suicide may have told no one about their sexual feelings. Also sexuality cannot be determined by an autopsy. Therefore, the number is probably higher.

Another fact which indicates we still have work to do is that teenagers who identify as homosexual or transgender have few places to go to for help. Many are afraid to seek therapy from a private therapist because they are afraid the therapist will tell their parents. Legally a psychotherapist cannot tell parents if their teen is questioning their sexuality, but many teens are not willing to take that chance. There are very few non-profit groups dedicated to the topic because stereotypes still exist and our society doesn’t put a great deal of emphasis on psychotherapy. I practice in the East Bay Area of San Francisco and I only know of one non-profit, the Rainbow Center, which provides services to teenagers who are questioning their sexuality.

It is 2023 and teenagers should not have to be dealing with these stereotypes at home and at school and there should be support services available. We need to eliminate the stigma associated with sexuality and mental health, we need to educate parents and schools about teenagers sexuality and we need more mental health services for teens. As psychotherapist we need to do a better job of educating the public that if a teenager tells us they are homosexual or transsexual or transgender, we cannot break confidentiality. Meaning we can tell no one not even there parents. We also need to educate parents this is not a disease that we cure. Sexuality is a normal part of being a human being and there are various forms of sexuality and they are all normal. However, when you have states creating laws eliminating transgender individuals of their basic rights as a person and people not concerned about the increasing violence against transgender teenagers, how is a LGBTQ+ teen going to have any hope of being able to live a happy life as themselves and not have to hide their entire lives. Again, think about those suicide rates and how many teens we lose every year because of a stereotype. This is ridiculous!!

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over twenty five years experience treating children, teenagers, trauma victims including first responders.. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

The link between Teenagers, the Super Bowl and Domestic Violence

The professional football season is coming to an end quickly. This means that Super Bowl weekend will be here very soon. For many people Super Bowel Sunday is a day of fun and to have a party. Many people look forward to Super Bowl parties and having a fun weekend. However, it is not a fun weekend for everyone. For many it is a weekend of terror. Super Bowl Sunday is when the most incidents of domestic violence occurs in the US (CDC). The domestic violence is not only limited to adult couples in a relationships. Domestic violence occurs in teenage dating relationships too. Additionally, domestic violence occurs in heterosexual and homosexual relationships.

To get a better idea click this link http://jezebel.com/the-super-bowl-domestic-violence-ad-was-a-real-woman-ca-1683220170 and read the statistics and watch the PSA.

The link between Teenagers, the Super Bowl and Domestic Violence

To get a better idea click this link http://jezebel.com/the-super-bowl-domestic-violence-ad-was-a-real-woman-ca-1683220170 and read the statistics and watch the PSA.

The Connection between Super Bowl Parties & Domestic Violence

The Super Bowl is coming up quickly and many people are planning Super Bowl parties. It is a traditional weekend when family and friends gather together for Super Bowl parties. This has been a tradition for people for many years. However, due to the Coronavirus many people have had to skip their traditional parties. This year with restrictions being decreased many people are looking forward to more traditional parties. However, we still need to take precautions due to the Coronavirus. In addition to the Coronavirus, Super Bowl Sunday in is also the day when the most domestic violence occurs in the United States (CDC). This statistic is for adults and teenagers. So, how do you have a safe, fun Super Bowl Sunday? You need to develop a plan that reduces stress and too much drinking.

The first thing is to remember it is just a football game and it’s supposed to be a fun time for everyone. Therefore, if everything is not perfect such as you don’t have all the food you wanted or things are not arranged how you wanted, do not stress over it. You can still enjoy the game without a lot food or alcohol. Also if everything is not arranged perfectly, you can still enjoy the game. In other words, do not stress and argue over minor details.

If you are going to have small children around, set up a separate room with food and activities for them. Many children under 10 years old will lose interest in the game and if there is nothing else for them to do, they will want attention and distract people from the game. Therefore, set up another room where they can watch other television shows and have games to play. This way they are not bored and they can enjoy themselves.

People drinking too much is a common problem during Super Bowl parties. Therefore, when your friends arrive, tell them you care about them and their safety. Therefore, you want everyone to put their car keys in the basket as they enter. This way if someone accidentally has too much to drink, you can give them a ride home. This way if someone has too much to drink, you don’t have to argue about them driving if they are not safe to drive. This can help avoid an argument and a possible physical fight.

Also watch how much alcohol you are serving. If you are serving alcohol, serve food too. The food helps to absorb the alcohol and decreases the likelihood that someone will drink too much. Also towards the end of the game stop serving alcohol and switch to sodas. If someone has had too much to drink, this gives them a chance for their body to process the alcohol they consumed so they can lower their blood alcohol level.

Another good idea is to set rules for your party. Announce to your guests that you want everyone to have a good time and no arguing or fighting. Therefore, cheering for their team or favorite player is fine, but you do not want any name calling nor is there to be any insulting other people at the party. Also good nature teasing is fine but no swearing and if someone asks you to stop the joking, respect their request. Bottom line, state that regardless of who wins or loses, you expect everyone to act like adults and to treat each other respectfully so it is a fun day for everyone.

It would also be helpful to remember the acronym HALT:

H – hungry

A – angry

L – lonely

T – tired, too much alcohol

If you notice someone expressing these emotions or drinking too much, this is a situation which could result in an argument or violence. Therefore, if you notice a potential violent situation, try talking to the person to see what is bothering them. If you notice a couple arguing try having one person step outside with you for a time out so they can calm down. You may want to let them know that they seem slightly upset and you are just checking-in to see if there is a problem and if you can help. Instead of ignoring the situation try to offer some help so people can calm down. This can help a great deal.

At the end of your party, if someone is not sober enough to drive, offer to drive them home. Remember all the car keys are in a basket so you do not have to argue to get the car keys. Remind them that you are only offering to drive because you care about them. You do not want to see them arrested for driving under the influence, you do not want to see them get into a car accident and you definitely do not want to see them kill someone else or themselves in a car accident.

If you notice a couple who appear to be arguing, offer to allow one person to stay for a while and you will drive them home later. Giving them a chance to calm down could help avoid a domestic violent incident. If after a little while the person at your house or the person who went home tells you they do not feel safe around the other person right now – listen to them! Offer to let the person stay at your house for the night. You do not want to assign blame to anyone. Simply state that they seem to be having a stressful day and instead of them both staying in the same house that night and arguing all night and arguing in front of the children is not a good idea. It is okay if they need to take a break for the night and talk about it tomorrow. You are providing them and the children with a safe environment and hopefully avoiding a domestic violent incident. Many people are afraid to step in and offer help when they see a potential domestic violent situation. However, if more people offered to help and did not shame the family, the incidence of domestic violence could decrease and more people may be willing to seek help.

If you are a couple who are having incidents with domestic violence, discuss the issue before the day. Hopefully, the two of you are in psychotherapy and can discuss the issue in a therapy session. Discussing a potential problem with a therapist or even a friend prior to the event can be very helpful. If you are not in therapy and afraid to talk to a friend and do not feel safe call the following number for help: The National Domestic Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Someone will answer 24 hours a day, 356 days a year. Do not be embarrassed to call. If you need help, please reach out and ask for it before someone gets seriously injured or killed.

Hopefully these suggestions help and you can enjoy the game in a fun peaceful environment.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 25 years experience treating teenagers and he is certified to assess and treating domestic violence. If you want additional information regarding Dr. Rubino’s work or his private practice visit his websites www.rcs-ca.com, www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcast on Spotify or Apple.

There is No Reason to be Ashamed of Mental Health

Mental health is a topic we tend to avoid in our society. We avoid it so much that the month of May is dedicated to Mental Health Awareness. Many people are afraid that if other people know they are feeling down or anxious that people will think they are crazy. Many people think of someone living in the streets when you mention mental health. This is not reality. This negative stigma makes it difficult for adults to seek help for mental health issues. This negative stigma also makes it very difficult for children to ask for help when they feel depressed or anxious. They are afraid their friends won’t understand and won’t want to be friends with them. They are also afraid their parents will think they are crazy and be disappointed with them. These ideas are incorrect, but if mental health is overwhelming for an adult, imagine how it can be for a child.

It is very important that children and teenagers do ask for help when they are experiencing mental health issues. The CDC estimates 1in 5 children need psychotherapy for a mental health issue. Furthermore, the CDC has stated that Suicide is an epidemic for children between the ages of 10 and 18 years old and is the second leading cause of death for kids 10 to 18 years old. Cutting, self-harming behaviors, are also now at an epidemic rate in children. Most teenagers I work with, as a psychotherapist, have had suicidal thoughts and have cut before starting therapy with me. They also tell me about many of their friends who are feeling suicidal and cutting. According to the CDC, the Suicide rate and the number of teenagers engaging in self-harming behaviors has been increasing every year for the past twenty years.

While the need for teenagers needing psychotherapy is increasing, the reluctance to attend psychotherapy is increasing. Most teenagers I see for psychotherapy are afraid that their friends would stop being their friends if they knew they were going to therapy. They are afraid it makes them crazy and nothing will help because they are weak. They blame themselves for the feelings they are having. They are shocked when I explain that they are not weak and it is not their fault.

We need to change this stigma associated with mental health. Mental health should be treated the same way a physical health because they are the same. Clinical depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. If some one is diabetic, do we call them crazy or weak because their pancreas is not producing the correct level of insulin? No we do not. Therefore, when we have numerous research studies which show a link between physical health and mental health, why do we continue to view mental health so negatively? By doing so we are causing a number of teenage deaths. Suicide use to be the third leading cause of death for teenagers, however now according to the CDC it is the second most common cause, as I stated above. Many teens also die every year from eating disorders. Eating disorders occur in both girls and boys despite the belief girls only have eating disorders. Bullying is a severe problem and many teenagers are opting to commit suicide rather than discuss the pain and torture they are experiencing due to being bullied. This does not make sense that teenagers should be dying because the teen or their family are embarrassed to seek treatment.

I was researching this subject and found a video by the Anna Freud Institute. It is called, “We all have mental health.” It is a short video directed at teenagers and middle school students. It discusses the issue in a very relaxed manner and provides teenagers with options for how they can talk about their own feelings. I encourage parents, teachers and anyone who deals with children to watch this video. You may want to watch it with your teen and begin a discussion about feelings. The link to the video is https://youtu.be/DxIDKZHW3-E.

We need to start to change the negative stigma associated with mental health. Besides causing the deaths of teenagers, this stigma effects an entire family. A death impacts everyone in a family. Not being able to talk openly about a death because it was related to a mental health issue, creates more problems for the survivors. Nothing will change until we start to approach mental health differently. I also encourage you to look at the foundation started by Prince William and Henry, Heads Together. It provides a number of ways we can start to change the negative stigma associated with mental health and save lives.

Furthermore, at this time in our world, when we are in the middle of a pandemic which besides killing thousands of people daily, it is creating mental health issues for those in quarantine, those with the virus and our first responders. These issues will not disappear quickly just like the virus will not disappear quickly. As a result, we will have even more people needing mental health care. How will they receive it if they feel ashamed for needing treatment or if we continue to treat mental health as a disease? Mental health and physical health go hand in hand, when will we treat them equally?

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 20 years experience working with teenagers and children. For more information about his work or private practice visit his website http://www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page http://www.Facebook.com/drrubino3.

Lessons From Will Smith and The Oscars

Last weekend at the Academy Awards, Will Smith educated the entire world about anger and mental health issues. I say the entire world because the Academy Awards is broadcast world wide and the entire world is discussing the incident.

The first thing Will Smith demonstrated is that as a society we still have issues handling mental health issues. When Will hit Chris Rock, there was a debate at the Academy Awards about how to handle the situation. No one appeared to have a clear idea about what to do. This debate has continued for a week after the Academy Awards. Will Smith issued an apology and resigned from the Academy, but people are still debating the situation. On April 18th, the Governor’s Board will meet to continue to debate the situation and how to handle it. Will Smith assaulted another person for no justifiable reason, we should not have to debate what the appropriate consequences are for several weeks. He issued an apology, resigned from the Academy and the next step should be that he seeks psychotherapy for anger management. Depending on how he responds in therapy should determine if he can ever attend the Academy Awards. Given his position as a role model, he should also volunteer at a teenager anger management program so he can help educate young teenage men that men do not need to use anger to be considered men.

An obvious lesson he demonstrated to everyone is that violence is never the answer regardless off your intentions. I understand he was trying to be supportive and protect his wife, who is dealing with alopecia, but hitting Chris Rock was not appropriate. Even if Chris Rock knew and Will Smith felt Chris Rock was being verbally abusive, he did not have to hit Chris Rock. Will Smith could have filed a complaint with the Academy or spoke to Chris Rock directly about the inappropriate joke. The point is violence was not appropriate and he had other options.

The other lesson Will Smith taught the world is that there are many people who have had violent childhoods or have been victims of violence and his violent outbursts upset these people too. Chris Rock had a violent childhood and said after Will Smith hit him, he felt like the 15 year old boy who use to get hit by his father. Will’s violent outburst triggered others too. Additionally, the people receiving their award could not enjoy the experience because the attention was on Will’s violent act. It also almost ruined the entire Academy Awards because people were shocked on not sure how to process the violent act they just witnessed. Because Chris Rock age regressed to 15 when his father would beat him, the 15 year old survivor skills turned on and he saved the show with his survival skills.

Will Smith also acknowledges that he had an physically abusive childhood too. Will Smith’s behavior demonstrated that if people do not receive the necessary psychotherapy for traumatic life events that these events can re-emerge when you least expect it and create problems. It appears this happened for Will Smith and for Chris Rock too. We have no idea how many people attending or watching the Academy Awards had past traumas re-emerge due to Will Smith’s behavior.

A very important lesson we learned is that many people who have had traumatic childhoods or traumatic events do not receive the necessary psychotherapy they need. They fail to receive the appropriate treatment because of the stigma associated with traumatic childhoods or people who experienced a traumatic event. We tend to blame the victims and make them feel worthless or weak because they were physically abused as a child or they were raped. From research we know victims of trauma are reluctant to report the trauma because they are ashamed. I have been treating trauma victims for over 25 years and the victim rarely reports the incident and they tend not to tell anyone in their lives. They are afraid others will blame them or view them as weak or defective. How can a 7 year old child who is being physically abused or sexually molested be weak, defective and how could they be responsible for the abuse? They can’t but this belief stops many from seeking psychotherapy.

Expanding on the fact that many victims are afraid of being blamed, this belief and fear is significantly increased in boys and men. The stereotype that men are supposed to be strong and can handle anything stops many boys and men from seeking psychotherapy. Many boys are sexually molested and raped. However, they seldom report the incident because they are boys. They should have been strong enough to stop a 45 year old man from raping him. Besides fearing they will be vowed as weak, they are also afraid people may think they are gay or they enjoyed it. As a result of this stereotype many boys and men, men who may even be gay, do not report traumatic events because they fear how others will judge them. It is this stereotype type which probably stopped Will Smith and Chris Rock from seeking psychotherapy for the childhood trauma they experienced. We need to eliminate this stigma associated with mental health because look at the damage this stereotype is creating for boys, men and our society in general.

One final lesson I will mention regarding the incident with Will Smith. If he wanted psychotherapy or if a teenage boy wanted Psychotherapy, they would have difficulty finding a psychotherapist. Insurance companies make it very difficult for families to use their medical insurance to cover psychotherapy. Many people have very high deductibles before they can use their medical insurance. Additionally, many insurance companies have a very limited number of therapists who they have agreed to pay. Therefore, most people have difficulties finding a therapist and most families don’t have $200 a session to pay for therapy. Additionally, the need for teenagers needing therapy has been significantly increasing since 2009 and the need has increased more since the pandemic. Since insurance companies make finding a therapist difficult and due to the significant increase in adolescents and children needing therapy, there are fewer therapists with openings. At my office we often receive 20 calls per day from people asking or even begging if we could see their teenager. Unfortunately, many families get tired or can’t get appointments for 3 months, as a result they give up on therapy. We need to invest into mental health care so more insurance companies cover therapy or there are other resources families can use to get the psychotherapy that they need. If we don’t with the stress due to the pandemic, families having difficulties affording food and the mass shootings which continue especially on the weekends, we will continue to see incidents like the one with Will Smith and the suicide rate will continue to increase for teenagers. Therefore, please contact your Congressmen and Senators and demand that they address the broken mental health system in the United States.

Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 25 years experience treating children, teenagers, trauma victims and first responders and he is certified to treat anger management and domestic violence. For additional information about his work visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.